A
female
age
30-35,
*udi_alteram_partem
writes:Hello all!So I'm going to be the 98747432th person to ask this sort of question, and honestly I feel a little silly typing this out but this guy is confusing me that I would really appreciate some exterior, objective advice.So, here are the facts (I'll try to keep it concise, but I'm not making any promises lol):- I really like this guy (let's call him "Aaron"). A lot. And by "a lot" I mean "this crush has been past its expiration date for at least 6 months" a lot.- We're friends: we see each other around on campus (once or twice a week, at least), and we have this activity that we're both in, which makes us see each other once a week, and for which we also went on two trips this year.- During those two trips, we got pretty close. Often, we would hang out, just the two of us, while our common friends did other things. Even when we were with other people, it seemed pretty clear that we tried to make our plans together and stick with each other, even though neither of us really wanted to say so explicitly.- On the last trip especially, it became pretty clear that it wasn't just coming from me. He would often come to our room at the hotel and ask me and my friend what we wanted to do, and we ended up spending almost all our free time together that week. One time in particular we spent the whole day together, just "Aaron" and me, at his suggestion. (Again, nothing was really done explicitly, it wasn't like "hey do you want to go somewhere just the two of us?" but that's essentially what happened.)- We have a very teasing / joking sort of friendship going on. Whenever we're walking together for example, we always seem to be bumping into each other "on accident". I also started teasing him more and more recently, and on our last trip together I even said (to our other friend) something like "if you knew me better, you'd understand that the more I insult you, the more it means that I love you" right in front of him... and then told him to "f*** off" a minute later.- Apart from the insult thing, there are so many other things that have probably given me away. There are even two or three times when I was talking to a friend about him and he was just a few feet away, and there's a very good chance that he overheard some of that. So logically, I'd say he probably figured it out, but at the same time, he's so clueless sometimes that it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't.- Now here are the things that are bugging me, on his side : 1) I try to keep in touch via texting and email and such but he always seems a bit distant when replying, and he almost never initiates it. But I don't know if it's just a technology thing, because when we're together there's really no awkwardness, and no real lack of initiation on his part.- 2) Like I said, recently there really hasn't been any awkwardness around us, but I'm afraid of the reasons behind this. On our last trip, there was a bit of an awkward moment (for me) towards the end of our stay, when one of our friends asked me if I was in love, and if I liked anyone in our group, right in front of "Aaron". Actually, he asked me "say, Aaron, for example, do you find him attractive?" I laughed nervously and said that I wasn't in love because love was too strong of word, then said I thought "Aaron" was attractive, but that Jack, and Jim, and Mike, etc. (I proceeded to list pretty much everyone in our group) were also attractive.But anyways, all that to say that I'm afraid that all "Aaron" got out of this is that I wasn't in love with him. So I'm wondering if that's why he's acting so friendly these days : because maybe it's the first time he's felt like he can have a friendship with me and not worry about me crushing on him?Anyways, I'd love to hear what you think this whole situation means, and if I should man up (or, you know, woman up lol) and say something to him, or if I should leave it be. Because ultimately, this guy is so lovely that even if nothing happens between us, I'd still be more than happy to just have his friendship.Thanks!!! :)
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female
reader, audi_alteram_partem +, writes (17 April 2012):
audi_alteram_partem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?], I don't take it badly at all ;) As I said, I just really enjoy spending time with this guy, and if friendship is all that's meant to be between us, then I'd much rather not make things awkward for nothing.
He is a bit shy / awkward with emotions incidentally (even by a guy's standards), but still, you're right. If he's really interested, then there should be some clues on his side too.
A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]  +, writes (16 April 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) I'm not sure if you're going to take this the wrong way or anything, but I think it's obvious that you 2 share a really good relationship (as friends) but nothing more...
Usually, unless he's extremely shy, there would be more than enough clues to catch your attention. I think that you should hang out with him casually, and unless you see more of a result, and something that's not as explicit, just remain friends...
Because you'll just get hurt in the end when you're holding onto someone who may not be ready for a relationship.
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