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female
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anonymous
writes: hi guys its me, the one who submitted i broke off my affair, my b/f knew about it and now i'm thinking about it all again (16/11/06). first of all thanks for your advice, dont know wether i made it clear before, the affair lasted 5 months in total, and like i said it was a horrible vicious thing, i have never done anything like it and i deeply deeply regret it, so please dont refer to me as 'people like you'. i know i deserve it, also im not thinking of persuing any of my feelings, i would never ever do any thing like that ever again, i do have a heart and a concience - believe it or not. i love my boyfriend with all my heart, i am so glad he forgave me and i am very lucky to have a nice guy - i hurt him once and once was too many times in my eyes as well as yours. i know it was no excuse but i was going thru a very emotional time in my life during the affair which again was another reason it began. knowing in my heart of hearts i would never do anything ever again, thats why i dont understand why it is all playing on my mind again almost a yr after it happened. thats all xx
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 Hi Girl,
My guess is that the affair addressed some of your emotional needs that your relationship does not deliver on. Specifically it sounds like the emotional need for an emotional range. One of the attractiveness of affairs is that it provides a roller coaster of emotions in a short amount of time. The drama is addictive, though the damage of affairs can be long term and costly.
I suggest to find ways to get your current bf to give you the same type of emotional range. If he really is at a loss, tell him to read my website franktalks.com and he will find some answers there.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, honkifuluvnicole  +, writes (19 November 2006):
 It sounds to me like you are just holding onto this, maybe because it was such a long and significant time in your life...and its up to you to change the thoughts from the on switch to the off switch. Things like writing really help with that. If you dont like reading, try yoga. It is so mind relaxing and really can help with things such as this. Sometimes emotions can trigger the thoughts, but dont let that happen, stay active as much as you can. Good luck sweetie, I know you can do it.
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A
male
reader, Green +, writes (19 November 2006):
Why aren't you forgiving yourself? It seems that HE has forgiven you, have you shared with him that YOU have not forgiven you? Ask him why he forgave you, maybe it will allow you to see what HE sees. It sometimes takes a long time to stop regretting your past behavior. But, you are now stronger because you have learned a valuable lesson. Know that you are twice the person you once were and turn that negative energy into the strength to build your new relationship. You can either continue to hang on to the pain of your mistakes or love yourself for never making the same one again.
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