A
male
age
30-35,
*andomando
writes:My ex and I broke up about 4 weeks ago. Its hard for me to talk to her because it was my fault we broke up. She is still mad that I facebook chatted this girl I want, suppose to talk to while I was drunk and we talked, then turned to sexting. I honestly didnt remember doing it at all... I would have deleted it if i had the slightest recollection we talked. She went trhough my computer and got on my facebook. and I have no idea how she did that. I have pass codes for both. She did this in a mere 4 minutes when I was in the shower. and everything was turned off too. She started reading it and crying and well I didnt know what to say because I didnt remember it. I deleted her form my facebook the next day because I wasnt aloud to be friends with her. ( i friend requested her when I was drunk that night)..First of all I am a guy. We look at porn. I dont think this is as bad as looking at porn. I dont think this is bad at all because well it was my drunk subconscious mind talking to her. (even tho that is not an excuse to be drunk)...To me i didnt physicaly touch her. I think that this is something that can be fixed but will take time to regain her trust. alot of time!I seriously love this girl with all my heart. And i dont know why I did what I did! I mean cant guys make mistakes and be forgiven. Its not like I slept with another girl. Or kissed another girl...She talks to me all the time. I dont answer usually. She says she loves me. She says she will always love me. She even said I could have seen us together for ever. I wanted to marry you. I think the same way. Shes amazing. Shes the love of my life and if i could spend the rest of my life with her I would!Shes giving me mixed signals. So confusing my primitive brain cant understand it. Shes telling me all the love stuff and telling me we cant get back together.. But then why is she texting me and calling me? does that mean I have a chance. Or does she just want me around while she grieves? I told her I dont want to be your friend. I wont be her friend. There is no way I will be there for her until she is over me and moves on to another guy. I cant emotionally do that because my feelings for her are too strong to see that. I have ignored her. maybe go days without talking to her but she will constantly try to talk to me. Should i try to move on? I dont understand girls esp her! if I show effection it pushes her away if I ignore her she wants me, but doesnt! idk I need help thank you.If you have read another post some are really mean. I really dont need that thank you.
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male
reader, landomando +, writes (30 September 2011):
landomando is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much! I think Im not going to push her but let her make the moves and see what she wants. I think she may be mad but maybe give her a little time to calm down.It may be jsut me but I think that how much we love each other we can fix this. but she is very very stubborn and hard headed and does have some problems.. and she has been in therapy since she was 13 once every other week.Her past is basically something out of a Hollywood movie..
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 September 2011):
 this really is just so very very tough on you. In a mutually respectful relationship between two people then her first loyalty should be to you. To listening to you with empathy and vice a versa. You adore her. You go out of your way to show her you adore her.
She has been hurt in the past.
But you are not like all the others from her past.
With a little more maturity she will look back and realise that you are the Right man for her. She is lacking some trust and experience to recogise this. And she is way too reliant on meddling friends.
It saddens me that she may fail to
recognise this truth before it is too late.
She is putting you through so much hell, and no doubt she is in turmoil herself.
Some of her actions are making things worse.
Please continue to be the gentleman. Even let her know that if you do walk away with a no contact rule that you will alsp be taking a break from starting any relationship. And stick to it. Ditto leave your facebook alone (or she may spend all day pouring over it for clues to what you are doing)
And stay away from any risky behavior that could get you in trouble.
In effect you will be giving her 3 months to reflect on her decision. With you behaving as a complete gentleman, squeaky clean. All because you adore her, and she will not forgive you.
And tell other people to butt out from meddling/matchmaking between the two of you.
For this to work she has to return to you at her own volition, under her own steam, and motivated solely by what SHE wants. Not what ever any one else has told her to do.
If she cannot do that for you within the next 3 months, then sadly , no matter how much you adore her, she may have lost you.
But if that does occur I am sure there are nice lovely girls who will welcome such a kind gentleman as you, into their lives.
Patience can win a lady.
Try not to lose sight of the fact that you do not deserve this level of drama, chaos and mayhem in a loving relationship.
I sincerely hope she can see sense. Failing that she may need some counselling to deal with her trust issues (but do not be the one to suggest that to anyone! - as she may take offence)
If she ever gets therapy then she has to drive that, no one else.
.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (30 September 2011):
landomando is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you soo much for your kindness and your help. You have no idea how good this makes me feel. I really appreciate the time you took to read my blogg and respond and be nice and understanding to my situation. I have posted another add and some people just post a response that makes you feel even worse and hopeless. Thank you for your ideas and your insight on how to deal with thi situation... also,Her friends might be advising her because they might think she will get hurt but she is very stubborn and because she does have past problems it does make it more dificult. What pisses me off the most about her is she doesnt listen to me. She listens to her friends. For example I posted a blogg that explained the whole situation and she didnt believe it when I told her it like a million times. Her friend found my blogg and showed her! then she started to listen.. Also months ago some one made a rumor about me. and she believed it. didnt listen to 1 word I had to say, broke up with me then took me back after her friends and the person who said it admitted it wasnt true. I know this may be making her sound bad sorry. But she really is an amazing girlfriend and i do love her with all my heart.oooo and yesterday I wrote a little letter to her got her a pretty flower, and a tub of her favorite ice cream because she was sad and told me. left it on her porch because it was late when my train arrived and texted her to open her door and then left. she liked it. we talked and she said something like I am going to get fat if I eat this and i said something like you will always be the most beautiful girl no matter what and she said "thankss L*****" and i didnt respond and she just said I dont know what to say. like she was mad or something. I took a 7 hour train to do that cause I thought it was sweet... I know she still loves me (shes told me many times since we broke up) but does she just not want to show it. or is this a lost cause... For how much we love each other I feel we can get bye this but idk.. shes really confusing me.. and i told her i dont want to be friends and if this continues im going to just nicely tell her to leave me alone.. idk confuses me...
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 September 2011):
if you love someone so very very deeply it will hurt to see her with another. Her very stubborn approach is not helping, and I am sorry she is being so resolute over this. Could it be that someone is mis-advising her to keep her distance? That would be sad.
If you feel she is completely unwilling to relent, and knowing you have apologized many times, then I guess one more letter
telling her how saddened you are that she cannot find forgiveness in her heart. Remind her again how deeply you love her. And be clear that you cannot go on being this sad about her reaction and her inability to forgive.
And then advise her in the face of her very resolute reaction that you have no alternative to go No-Contact. And mean it.
Take the high ground and be a complete gentleman in your approach.
She IS losing a GOOD man. It IS her loss.
But from then on you will need to concentrate on you. Developing other interests. Rebuilding more belief in you as a GOOD man who is very DESERVING of respect, love and consideration.
Visit some interesting places you never visited with her. Develop a new hobby that will not bring you into contact with her nor her friends. Concentrate on your physical fitness.
And avoid the places and activities that got you into trouble in the first place.
You will survive this. You may even come out stronger. And your life may even be enriched.
Even though it is very very heart-breaking, some things are not meant to be. My thoughts are with you.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (29 September 2011):
landomando is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have apologized many times. She is really hard headed lol but shes really amazing and I love everything about her. I wrote her a couple love letters and she got them and she tells me she loves me and we talk but she always says stuff to put me down. so i try not to talk to her but its hard. I think she wants me back. but seriously what i did and how much we love each other shouldnt we be able to get by this? like right now we are talking a little but I mean If this continues and we arent gonna get back together Im not gonna be her friend. and I will just ignore her until she's over me. I just can't be her friend. I mean if you love someone so much do you think you can be friends with them and see them with someone beside you?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 September 2011):
As long as she is still texting you and talking to you on line
She talks to you all the time. You DO need to answer her, please???
And you need to tell her what you mentioned in your post, namely:
"I seriously love this girl with all my heart. And i dont know why I did what I did! "
Tell her these exact words and add in a sincere apology. Make it clear how much you love her. She wants you back but a deeply sincerely apology will help her feel less hurt.
Of course she is grieving. And she is very very hurt. She loves you. Please do not be so cruel as to cut her out of your life. While she still talks to you she is giving you a special opportunity to come back. But please do not qualify your apology in any way. You did show poor judgement. Now you need to admit you are very very sorry. What you did show poor judgement. And tell her how much you love her. And how You NEED her in your life as she is the most special person in the world to you.
I do hope you have not left it too late to apologise. She is hurting very bad right now. Only YOU can fix this.
Be very very kind. And use every ounce of Empathy you have. And do not say anything to minimise what you did. And say nothing that claims it was "not that bad." She is deeply hurt. Please fix this problem and do so very kindly. Your Girlfriend NEEDS you to do this.
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