A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey All:Well here's where I am at. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. She was in the UK for 4 months with school, and surprisingly, we made it through. Now, tons of fighting. Last night was particularly bad.About a year ago, we were in bed and she got a text...she has an iPhone so you see the text on the screen. It was from a guy...so I read the convo...shame on me. Don't think I don't know this was wrong...I have apologized and worked very hard to get my trust back. Anyway, the convo started with this guy: "If I didn't have a g/f Id totally be hooking up with you" and my g/f said "If I did have a boyfriend I'd def. be hooking up with you." Needless to say I was really upset. I worked hard to let it go...she was drunk etc...whatever. Last night we were out, and I saw her texting this guy again. And I asked her about it and she flipped out. Am I overreacting? I communicated with her how much that hurt me before, she just doen't seem to appreciate that though. Why would she do that?
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male
reader, andrew loves hali +, writes (7 May 2009):
 if i were you id dump her. first of all for what she said to that guy and i believe drinking is never an excuse and second she wouldnt be tallking to this guy again unless there was something there. good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): It sounds to me like she is being WAAY defensive. If she was totally inocent and didn't feel like she was doing anything wrong, shw would remain calm and not make you feel like YOU'RE the one acting wrongly. If i was in a relationship and my boyfriend said that to a girl, i would let his ass go be with her. I'm not about to sit around standing in someone's way and get degraded while he's off playing sexy games with some other chic! The fact that she yells at you for only asking her about him shows that she wants you to stop comfronting her about it and wants to get off the subject very quickly and wants to do all the talking without having to answer any of your questions. That's pretty suspicious to me. Don't tolerate being disrespected.
(It wasn't that bad to read the convo that appeared on the screen by the way. my husband has full access to all my texts/calls whenever he wants it, as do i). For someone who has nothing to hide, this is the way to do it. Full trust all the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Obviously you feel insecure with your relationship otherwise you wouldnt have needed to check it but talking about having sex with some other dude?? How do you know if she met or did anything with him..... he's from the UK??? Maybe they had a little something going on. I would clear it up with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): I'm gonna give you the realest advice that you could possibly get. I've been in a very similar situation myself. If she is with you, she shouldn't be disrespecting you and your relationship by having those type of conversations with another guy, even if it is just texting, which it probably isn't. You can't trust a female like that, I mean who knows what she is doing when she's not with you. If she was drunk when she sent that text, that is not an excuse because she could just as easily be out somewhere drunk, arrange to meet up with this guy or someone else and hook up. Being drunk only makes it easier to admit or do what you are really thinking. What you need to do is stand up for yourself, tell her straight out that you don't have time for that kind of situation, and that you are moving on. She might play cool at first, but she is probably going to go crazy within a couple of days and want you back. At that point it is your choice if you want to take her back under certain conditions, but I would just say get away from her as soon as you can cause otherwise she is gonna take you for a ride in a really bad way and she won't care when it's over. Hope that helps
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