A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my girlfriend now for almost a year and a half. She means the world to me, and she's my first real girlfriend. Things have always been good until lately. She always tells me that she loves me, and she used to be quite affectionate.But just over a month ago, as I was dropping her off at her flat, she got out of the car and didn't say a word. I thought that this was odd. I'm sure that I'd done nothing to trigger that. So, I drove on to the supermarket, because we were going to have dinner together later, and phoned her. She answered with quite an aggressive tone. I asked her what was up, and she said that she didn't know. But, further into the conversation she ended up saying "This isn't working anymore". I was really shocked, as I didn't have any clue, and I still don't to this day, of what caused her to say this. So, I drove back to her flat and tried to talk to her. She told me that something was wrong, and that she didn't know whether to stay with me or not. I stayed calm and simply told her that I loved her, but it was her decision, not mine.After about an hour of moving the few things I kept in her room out, she came to me and hugged me saying that she didn't want to lose me. We've been good since then (like nothing had happened).Until... yeah I know... I went to visit her at her home (its our University's summer holidays at the moment). I felt that something was wrong. I didn't know what, but I could feel that she wasn't exactly comfortable. So, I asked her if anything was up, and specifically anything up with 'us'. She told me not to be stupid and that she loved me more than anything. The next day, we walked to the park. I still felt like something wasn't quite right. And, I know that you shouldn't keep asking questions like this, but I asked her again... here it goes... She started telling me that things just weren't the same as they used to be, and that, yes again, she didn't know whether to stay with me.This time she actually broke up with me. We said that we'd still be friends and we'd still act the same ways as we used to. We carried on walking through the park. I really didn't say much, but I'm sure I looked upset but not making it too obvious.And then, an hour later as we carried on walking through the park, she told me that she couldn't do it, and she asked me if we could try it again. And of course I said yes, she still means the world to me, and I don't know what I'd do without her.But, now I'm truly confused. I don't know how she really feels, or why she wanted to leave me, and why she changed her mind. I've asked her and she says that she doesn't know. Over the past few days, I've not been in contact too much with her. Maybe just a short text saying goodnight, or a short phone call each day. Any advice would be great.
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female
reader, miss reasonable +, writes (17 July 2010):
If you have been going out with each other for a long time then she is obviously having a hard time getting used to it and she going back to what she's used to. Its really not doing either of you any good going the way you are maybe breaking things off is a good thing and then give it a while then start being friends again but taking her back after she's told you its not working is not a good idea i think you should end it and move on. hope this helps sorry if i sound harsh xx
A
female
reader, woowoo83 +, writes (17 July 2010):
 aww i think maybe she doesn't know what she wants. butwhen i was 19 i did the same to a boyf of mine, i did it becuase i thought he didn't love me and thought if i say i want to end it he would tell me how he truely feels. it was a immature thing to do at the time. i felt like i needed the attention, but he gave me loads. but looking back i was insecure (still am to behonest, it doesn't always get better with age)i would ask her out right about how she really feels for you. tell her you are worried that she isn't being honest about her feelings, that it hurst you when she breals up with you, and tell her she can talk to you anytime about how she feels .make sure she doesn't use you though,making her feel good about herself. hope this helps. by the way, you sound like a really cool guy, she should think herself lucky to have someone as understanding as you - most guys who get dumped would not give a second chance. x
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 For whatever reason, it's not working for her, and everytime she takes back her rejection of you, she is losing her balls to go through with breaking up. you're not right for her, but she also is dependent on you just because you've been a big part of your life for so long, so she backs out of the wreck she's caused, not thinking of how unfair it is for you to have to go through this up and down, you're in her favor, suddenly out of favor. next time make the break be the last time and take control of the relationship instead of being complacent with either outcome.
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