A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating since April, although we were having casual sex for about a month prior. We got engaged in August, just as she moved to China for a year. We had spent almost all of that time prior to her moving away in each other's pockets, not seeing each other for about....5 weeks in that entire time maximum. We ended up being in the same bedroom al day/night eveery day/night in uni halls, and whenever we met up over summer, we did so for a week or so at a time because we live at opposite ends of the country. We fell in love very quick. We had even decided to move in together next September for university after she returns in June.I visited her earlier this month, and after several days, it became apparent she was thinking different about me, she was requesting sexual favours from myself as usual, but not returning any, and we didn't have a lot of sex, despite the length of time we had been separated. I mentioned this to her, and she seemed a little hurt, but then a couple of days later she apologised for being like that and expressed her doubts about her feelings in our relationship.Things got back on track again shortly after, although there still wasn't much sex. Very recently, she told me that she had been more in conversation with her ex-boyfriend, whom I have always expressed a dislike about her speaking to him, but I would never ask her to stop talking to him, even though she has offered, as it is not my place. They haven't seen each other since January 2008-ish. However, he has very recently text her saying he still fancies her a little bit, telling her he is thinking about her and that he doesn't love his girlfriend he has just moved in with. This has made her doubt her feelings for me again, and she has even gone so far as telling her ex-boyfriend she is annoyed that she now can't get him off her mind. She claimed that talking to him is like an addiction for her.She also claims that she doesn't deserve me, that I am too good for her and that I deserve better than her. Her indecision about her feelings for me prevented us getting together for so long in the first place. She mentioned her ex-boyfriend then, he was her first love, although one of her friends has told me otherwise. Obviously I believe my girlfriend though. I will admit that I do feel like I do a lot more for her than she does for me, and i've never really upset her the way that she has me, but I love her and if I felt that there was somewhere to draw a line I would tell her and I have never done this. She claims that she is "horrible" to me and that I can do so much better than her. She has always been very indecisive ever since I have known her, and she is not clingy but she is the more dependent person in the relationship.Very recently we had this discussion, and she told me that she thought we shouldn't be together, that I would be better off without her and that I wouldn't be held back from living my life whilst she dilly dallys about decision making. Why can't she see it's my choice who/what I deserve and "holds me back"? She now will not speak to me for several days whilst she thinks over whether she wants to be with me or not, yet I know that the only reason she is doubting us is because of the geographical separation and her ex-boyfriends words. When we are together, despite odd little blips that all couples have, we are amazing together
View related questions:
engaged, fell in love, her ex, moved in, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): I can't believe there is someone with the same relation problem.1 month ago my girlfriend (2years together) told me she met her ex who she dated only for 7 months and broke up. She told me exactly the same words: "you deserve better, you can have a much better girl" blah blahI presume you were shocked when she told you about this stuff because I really couldn't recognize my girlfriend.Long story short, she called me yesterday (I was astonished) with a covered number. She asked me how I was, I cut the conversation short.Next day, today, I called her to ask why she was calling yesterday. She told me she just wanted to know how I was doing. We said goodbye and hang up.Moments after I decided to call and told her to NOT call me again (in a gentleman way) I said I tried to take distance from her and will do so further.I must confess that I am totally in love with her. We had a perfect relationship. She loved me a lot, but if I wasn't blinded by love perhaps then I would notice she didn't love me as much as I did.My conclusion.Girls are weird human beings. They can love someone when they love someone already. No man could do this.If she had best time with you and you are sure about it,she will regret it and even call you. But you have to put the priority to yourself and make yourself important. Let her know you can handle it without her.I know it's hard and confusing.Let it be a lesson. Girl has to love you more before you love her.I learned it.If you think there is no such perfect woman for me anymore...you are wrong, because I say the same thing. Which means you ex and my ex where good. that makes already 2 good persons. Imagine how much even better persons there are?Stay frosty
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): I am sorry to hear about your story, what I am about to tell you is probably what you wont like to hear. You are basically wasting your time...When in any relationship you have to do all the giving or most of the giving and the other person does not show much appreciation... you are set to fail..I have gone through that very thing myself...after months and months of giving I realized how stupid I was to lower myself and try to impress her when in reality she had no feelings for me...
Walk out tell her peace out...and do not return her call or texts until she begs you to have you back and if she didnt Move on!!! there are lots of fish in the sea..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI accept that she needs space right now though to make a decision ??
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I went through this for more than 5 years when I was young and it really left me a mess. At the end of that time I vowed that I would never again get involved with a girl who needed me less than I needed her.If she tells you that you are "too good for her" then she is showing you the door. The way to exit the situation with your dignity intact is to remain kind and loving but to walk out of that door with your head held high. Don't be the guest at the party who refuses to leave. I'd say "You know I don't think I'm too good for you. I really enjoy being with you and I'd always be happy to see you in the future but I can't wait around whilst you try to make up your mind" and then literally get out and then don't be available at least once or twice when she does try to call you.You can take some comfort from the fact that China is a really really bad dating environment for western girls.
...............................
A
female
reader, mutherh +, writes (1 November 2009):
It is quite natural to sometimes be confused about our feelings. But anyone who refuses to speak to someone who is, at very least, their friend, is playing power games. This is emotional cruelty.
...............................
|
