A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there , so my fella and I are moving in together After 6 months of dating we both have a child each and all get on fantastic .. the issue is his brother is always negative about things .. our cars are rubbish ( his car is older than ours ) our relationship won't last, I am not like the rest of them , my partner has lost weight since being with me and they make negative comments about it.. what I want to know is why would someone continue to be so negative all the time ?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2019): I have a different take on this.I think his brother may be medically depressed.He also may be afraid of losing his brother to you. But...You need to slow way down in your relationship.You should not even talk about blending families for at least 2 years.You should not even meet his kids or him meet yours till after the 1 year mark.Putting small kids into your dating life is wrong.It will really mess them up big time.You do not know if your relationship will last...You did not stay with your kids dad.You have been with this man one hot second.Your relationship is young and in the honey moon phase so you really do not know this man at all.Now that you are a mom guess what your needs come last now and your kids mental health comes first.The kid always comes first even above your lovelife.So I would not worry about his brother so much and focus on your kid.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 March 2019):
 Oops hit Enter before I was done..
So part two:
YOU can not change or control the brother. Or what he says, feels, thinks, or do. NEITHER can your BF.
But you CAN decide if you want to LISTEN to the crap or not.
IS any of the negativity he spews VALID? AT all?
If not, tell your partner that you rather not participate in his brothers negativity and can the two of YOU focus on building a healthy and happy relationship and leave his Eeyore brother and his opinions to himself?
You don't HAVE to like his brother, his brother doesn't HAVE to like you either.
Don't let the brother and his opinions DICTATE the relationship YOU have with your BF.
Life is too short to CARE about what EVERY Tom, Bob or Harry thinks of you. Focus on the people that matter! His brother? Doesn't REALLY matter.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2019):
Some people are negative about EVERYONE else life because they are THEMSELVES unhappy and dissatisfied.
It is EASIER to take apart your relationship rather than look at his own life and DO something about the things he is unhappy about.
One thing though, 6 months is PRETTY soon to be moving in together when children are involved, IMHO.
Does he listen a lot to his brother?
Does it cause FRICTION in YOUR relationship?
Does the brother tell you these things to your face or does it go through your BF? If it's the first, I would find it less of a worry. If it's the second, NOT so good. Because that MEANS your BF passes ON this negative stuff. He doesn't just tell his brother to mind his own business.
Which is ANOTHER reason why I think you need to REALLY be careful with this shacking up so soon. Because if he CONSTANTLY hears negative stuff, eventually things might stick. His brother can only toss so much negativity out there because he hits something.
Are you SURE your BF are as ready to move in with you as you think he is?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2019): Sibling-rivalry and jealousy. There might be some resentment carried-over from childhood, that he never outgrew. Most of the comments come from a darkness in his soul; and you really have to ignore them.
You can't control what people say. You just stay out of their way and avoid unnecessary contact. He's entitled to his opinions.
you can't be oversensitive to his insults; because you give him too much validation and encouragement when he knows he can make you squirm. Often, people carry pain inside that they can escape; so their negativity is their only outlet. The more they are ignored, the less sting their words have.
Keep him away from the children. You don't want them picking-up his bad habits. It's up to your boyfriend to deal with it. Stay neutral.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2019): After 6 months you have deicded to become a blended family? That may not be the rigth thing to do at the moment. You can't know someone in 6 months especially when you have a kid.
Anyways, apart from that. I think the brother is negative because he may be jealous that his brother is happy and things seem to be falling into place for him. He may also be negative because he thinks you guys are rushing into things too soon and this is him showing you that.
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