A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just got married a few months ago, but things are not going very well. Before marriage my husband talked to me for hours on the phone and would often come and visit me (we lived in 2 different states then). Now he barely speaks to me. We never cuddle or have conversations. I've asked him about this, but he doesn't acknowledge that there's any problem. He doesn't really give me any reason for the change in his behavior, but has called me childish. I feel very isolated most of the time. When I'm at work I miss my husband and can't wait to get home, but once I'm at home I get the cold shoulder. I'm at the point where I feel that I have to reach out for help.
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female
reader, SusieN +, writes (8 July 2010):
I've been married for over a year, I eloped so my friends and family have not been there to support me.He says he is busy working and is under a lot of stress. Well, he has been stress for the last 6 months already, and during that time he has been intimate with me. However, he no longer talks to me on the phone. Sounds irritated when I call, no longer hugs or kisses me, unless I prompt him, and even then it's one of those air hugs. I have to hug him most of the time. And when I tried to hold his hand, he rejected it (rejected me). He says when he is under a lot stress he doesn't like to be held, but first rejected my hand in the presence of his sister's acquaintance. He always seems on edge at least when I'm around. I know some of my approaches were bad, but now he doesn't even spend time long enough to communicate.I'm hurt. I love him. But I'm on the edge. I don't know how to approach him. I feel like the only way to protect myself is to file for divorce.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Can I guess that you moved to be with your husband? And that part of your isolated feeling is that you're still working on making new friends and miss the ones you left behind?
I moved too to marry my husband and it is a huge upheaval of life as you know it. Not only are you in strange new surroundings but now you have to learn to be with him all the time. It's so hard to feel alone and cope with the new circumstances, you tend to put all the needs for companionship and support onto your only solid relationship there, your new husband.
He may be feeling stressed too at the changes from being his own housekeeper to having to share space with you in what was previously his house. And 'happily ever after' fairy tales never give you the truth about the daily grind of working, housework, sharing space together.
Get yourself another activity outside the job and the home; go join a gym or volunteer group, take some classes, get yourself out of the house and give him a bit of space and some time to remember that he misses you too. You'll be meeting people with similar interests and make your own new friends there too; it kills two birds with one stone.
You will need to work on communicating with him, try to find a way to have those long talks you used to have only in person. He may be feeling guilty and responsible for your unhappiness and the only way he can deal with it is to ignore it and hope you'll figure things out on your own.
Again, just try to talk with him. Bring in a sense of humor about it too, it really helped in the transition I had to make. He must love you or he wouldn't have married you, right? Remember that, and try to talk positively, lovingly and constructively about how you are feeling with him.
Good luck and don't stop trying to work on the relationship; just change tactics a bit!
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (29 April 2008):
 He must have enjoyed the chase, the pursuit, the dream . . . and then when he caught it, he wasn't interested. Sounds kind of strange doesn't it?
You need to have a pow wow and get him to reveal what's going on in the inner sanctum of his cerebrum and cerebellum.
A marriage can be a lonely place if one spouse isn't talking to the other . . . .
You can quote me on that. LOL.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I feel I have something similar with my wife. What I've gathered, is that she doesn't like sharing her feelings, she doesn't want anyone in her head. When I try to talk with her, she says the same thing that there isn't a problem. So were both in the same boat.
If you can go back and recall moments you both had together, you might be able to reveal behaviors that may come in handy to pin point what his problems is.
What I have found, is that when a person becomes distant, it is because they are possibly feel hurt, unwanted, neglected or something. Is there anything you recall that this might be the case?
Have you asked to cuddle, hug?
Without him talking, it will be difficult to know for certain, but if your intuitive, pay attention, you might figure something out.
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