A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i am a married girl n mine is a love marriage. my husband was very loving initialy and i had a diiferent image of him in mind. but now as we are together i have noticed a lot of thing which really hurt me. whenever we go to the market i notice him checking out other girls which he doesnot know that i notice. he watches porn in my absence and when i ask him he lies to me. he has started lying a lot and doesnt admit it even if i know that and confront him. does he love me or not?
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female
reader, summerj  +, writes (29 November 2010):
Thank you so much for your answers, I am going through the same thing, my husband is looking at pron. He said he love me and wants to be with me, I do my best to make him happy I try not to make it bother me but it does, I fuss with him about the pron and he said he would stop watching it, but he is still watching it, so thank you for your answer especially the second one it has help me alot. I will try not to let it bother me and to do what I can to take his mind away from it some day. To the lady that ask the question, you, me and every woman have to live with these men who cannot think about nothing else than what is between their legs. Good luck.
A
female
reader, angelgal077 +, writes (3 March 2010):
I don't know how you can fix your situation if he won't listen to you when you confront him, but i can assure you that this doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Men are sexual beings. A lot of men, and some women, get addicted to porn and sex. Even though it's not a drug it still just like any other addiction. When people are addicted to something they do things they wouldn't normally do like lie and hurt the people close to them because they know they will have to stop if they get caught. Choosing to stop is a decision he will have to make on his own. It's not something you can force him into. I don't have enough information on your personalities to be able to help you confront him in a more constructive way, but I would suggest asking someone you trust if they can think of any methods you can change so that you can clearly explain to your husband how much he's hurting you with out him feeling like he's being attacked.
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A
female
reader, *mAnDi*pAnDi*  +, writes (3 March 2010):
You shouldn't take it too hard. Men are more visual than women, just because he looks doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. At least he knows that it'll upset you, and he doesn't want to hurt you. That's probably the only reason he lied about it. Tell you the truth though, he's probably not going to ever stop watching porn. It sucks, and it's disgusting, but thats just how men are. Try not to think too much into it, and maybe give him more attention in the bedroom so he doesn't need to resort to the visual that isn't you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Hi there, I think porn should be with to consenting people. My husband now my ex sounds similiar to your husband and I tolerated it for years. Towards the end if our marriage he thought it was OK to watch porn at the dinner table with the children running around and me cooking dinner. I have since learnt that he had no respect for my feelings, thoughts,emotions he was just locked in this secret world of his and he wasnt willing to share with me. I am so much happier now and believe a partenship should be equal and respectful. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Yes, it's highly likely that he loves you. I understand where you're coming from, my boyfriend watches porn too and checks out other women. Sigh, they don't really see anything wrong with it and to them it really is meaningless. I know how painful it is and how angry it makes you, but that's just what men do. Tell him in a nice way that you've noticed he looks at other women in your presence and that it's disrespectful to do. Tell him to do it only when you're not around or at least to be a bit more discreet if you're there with him because it makes you feel bad.
And about the porn, well all guys do it, especially with the convenience of online porn. I know, I know, it's not nice at all! But he will do it regardless. So just ask him to be discreet, again, and to not leave any windows on the computer open, to erase his history, etc. If you don't see it, you won't feel as bad... trust me, it helps a lot. Even though you know he still watches porn, not having evidence present really helps a lot in keeping it out of your thoughts.
He's probably lying to avoid fighting. A lot of men prefer to avoid fights, or to avoid making their loved one feel bad. He's not lying to intentionally deceive you, he's probably lying to spare your feelings. Compromise here. Tell him you don't appreciate the lying, and to please stop. However, apologise for any bad reactions you've had to the truth, and COMPROMISE to react to the truth calmly and not push him against a wall everytime. Men hate being confronted, especially about things they consider non-issues. So don't be confrontational with him, as this will only make him more prone to lying. Instead try to be more calm, understanding and have more open communication. He won't lie if he sees he can trust that you'll react calmly.
This is how men are. For us women, it can suck. But men really can separate and differentiate sex and love. Love is more important to men anyway. So don't doubt his love based on this. It also doesn't mean he'll cheat. It just means he has a problem hiding his wandering eye. Again, I know where you're coming from. It makes my blood boil sometimes, too. But I just rationalise that he loves me, and that's more meaningful to him anyway. If you discuss this with him calmly, in a non-confrontational way, I guarantee he'll make his best to make you (and himself) happy, because that's all married men want: a happy wife.
(As a side note: he probably finds you very, very attractive. If he doesn't, then you don't need him. But if he regularly has sex with you, then he definitely does. Maybe you need some confidence booster, working out really helps for this).
Besides, you give him the real thing, and sex with love is always the best!
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