A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi ok im actually at the point where i have been having an emotional breakdown almost every day and dont know what to do anymore.I broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago and I have been left feeling very confused and hurt and need some advice please. We dated for a year and a half and saw each other almost every day.Ok when I met my girlfriend we were friends for 2 weeks and then kissed and after a month started dating and then fell in love. The only problem was there were trust issues from the very begining. My girfriend broke up with her previous boyfriend about 2 months before she met me and she told me that she is not friends with him and doesnt speak to him at all. We went out one weekend to an outdoor part and by this time we were still fresh in our relationship and getting to know each others friends. When we arrived at the party i found it odd because she said she cant kiss me in public as her ex bf is here and she doesn't want to let him know so soon. Anyway at the party I kept seeing her going to go and talk to him and hang out. I got angry as she told me that they arent friends so i went back to the car Her phone was in the car and I made the biggest mistake, i decided to read it and low and behold i saw messages from her ex calling her pet names and such....she had deleted all her sent messages so I didn't know what she was writing back. I confronted her about this and she told me nothing is going on and they recently became friends again. I started to accept this and realised nothing was going on so started to chill. A big problem began though when i started college. My girlfriend saw girls writing on my facebook wall and when we went out to a club and I saw some girl friends from college she got extremely jealous and we had countless fights. I literally gave up my social life for my girlfriend and avoided talking to girls all together, damn even the barlady was a problem, she used to freak out when i ordered a drink because she thought the I was being chatted up. The strange thing was she had many guy friends and most of them like her more than a friend, I knew this because she told me, yet it was ok for her to be friends with them because she has known them forever.So I started to get jealous and we were like basically fatal attraction, really good in bed yet we were so jealous of each other with the opposite sex.Ok so we had a fight and we broke up and she had a rebound, so did i, yet the minute she found out that i was with another girl, she lost it and ame running back, telling me to get rid of this new girl, i foolishly did.Now we were back together and had been for about 2 months. The problem was about 8 months into our relationship I found out her facebook password and this is one word of advice for you readers out there, give people privacy, things can often be misinterpreted. Well i saw she was having long conversations with her ex on facebook and even planned to go out one day with him secretly, i knew it wasnt anything serious yet i knew she couldnt tell me as i had become so jealous. Well i had to go overseas for 3 months and we both discussed that we will wait for each other. I left. In the beginning she facebooked and called me everyday, then we had a fight and i broke up with her. I found out through my friend that she went out and kissed another guy and was hanging out with new guys i had never seen before. We got back together a week later while i was still overseas and i asked her if she kissed anyone, she told me she did. Anyway Our relationship was never the same. I started to notice she wasnt as loveable in her messages she sent me, phoned me every other day, was always out and so on. I called her and told her that i'll be back and she said she cant wait. Anyway the day i got back i called her and she was planning on going to go watch the world cup that evening with her friends( I know these were new male friends). I was really jetlagged and so i said i'll see her in the morning. She didnt even seem upset and said 'ok see you tomorrow'.NOW this is where i found it strange.My girfriend would insist she come see me for even an hour or put aside her plans. I was fuming and upset. I saw her the next day it was rather weird. There was definitely tension in the air, we were searching for the old selves we were when we were together. I just wanted to interogate her but didnt want to cause hassle. So a day after that we had arranged to do something after she had finished work. She came to my house 4 hours late and this has never happned before. We had a fight,I said to her because you are late, i made plans with my firneds. She told me she also had things to do,like going to her friends birthday party. I told her I cant take all your new friends you have met, most of them being male( One took her on a boat trip with his friends for her birthday while i was away, lets call him subject A). So she drove off after our fight and i tried calling her back. I knew she was going to subject A's birthday party because earlier on that day i called her at work and a colleage of hers thought i was subject A and widhed me happy birthday, i thought that was odd, so i checked on facebook and it was this new friend. So she was out drinking on his birthday and i was out and i tried calling her 5 times, she answered andlied to me saying, im comin now, im coming now yet she never did. I said please i just want to talk and eventually at 2 in the morning she aske me to meet her. I raced back from the place I was at and met her, she was pretty drunk. And i asked her to show me her facebook. She did and didnt really care, i saw all these messages from subject A calling her baby and so on, noe from her to him...she said he is a friend and she doesnt like him and since i have been overseas she has become very socialble and fashionable and enjoys meeting new people. this is basically cheating, she told me she loves only me and started kissing me passionately. we always had intercourse without a condom as she was on the pill and we were both tested and clean. so now she says to me she want to have intercourse, im so angry at what i just read on her facebook and said yes lets go for a drive. She said i have tobuy a condom because she hasnt been sexually active since i left for overseas and her doctor advised her to come off the pill for a while. We never did it with a condom, everything just seemedso different I just wanted to cry. We did it that night with a condom, i dropped her pff and made a decision to never talk to her or be with her again. She hurts me too much. the next morning i recieved messages and calls form her but didnt reply and ignored her. Well now its been 3 weeks I havent heard from her. So my big question is: why would she phone me almost everyday while im overseas, confess her undying love to me, then i get back, and she just doesnt care. She always used to make an effort and now she has just erased me form her life and i dont know what to do...o some other facts:She didnt get along with my familyWe broke up about 50 times during our relationship mainly instigated by me because of trust issues, yet she always came running back.Her friends hate mePlease tell me why she has just ignored me after i broke up with her( when i day before that she told me she loves me so much) and got all these new male friends. I feel dead inside.
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at work, broke up, condom, drunk, facebook, fell in love, got back together, her ex, jealous, kissing, my ex, talking to girls, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Thanks Krunkqueen,your input helps. Has anyne else had a similar experience?
A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (28 July 2010):
oh sweetheart I am so sorry to hear this :( it saddens me to hear how someone could treat there partner so poorly. It seems as though the relationship died a long time ago. she abused you, she manipulated you and the reason she kept coming back was because she knew you would always be there with open arms..dont do this no more you are just hurting yourself. there are plenty of wonderful women out there that will treat you with respect and love. you dont need someone like your ex in your life. get over her you will be ok.. months from now you will not even remember her name :)
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