A
female
age
36-40,
*urnt Out
writes:Hi everyone, I will make this as short as I can, because I really need perspective and reassurement, and I appreciate your time. My ex and I broke up faily mutually 2 months ago. We were together for 2 and a half years, and we had a very passionate realtionship. We told each other we loved each other every day, and we had yalked about marriage, children etc. We are both in out mid twenties. We broke up because we argued way too much. I think when you get so close to someone, you dont hold anything back because you know your relationship can take it. On a few occassions, he broke up with me, not being able to handle the conflict (both our fault) because he doesnt handle emotions or stress well at all. He retreats, but eventually we always get back together. This time we decided to end it mutually, as we both knew it wasnt working. He was diagnosed with depression, but i supect he has bipolar.I was devestated when we finally decided to break up. And yet, low and behold, i find out that my true love, my first love, is in a new realtionship 3 weeks later! (we had no contact). I call him, shocked, and bewidered, and he basically tells me " i can do what i want, we are broken up, im loving life, im on top of the world, and me and this new girl (he wasnt even friends with her previously) are just having an amazing time together". They are still together, and he has uploaded hundreds of photos on fb, and has been basically parading her around trying to show everyone how happy he is. My questions are, how can he not mourn our relationship, and love that has been lost and actually do the opposite, Get into a NEW relationship? And he has had major times when he has been depressed and recleused, not answering his phone, and then times like these where he is completely "happy" and "on top of the world" and "loving life".Also, whe we spoke on the phone, he couldnt understand that his actions (puting up photos of him and his new girlfriend kissing and hugging) would hurt me? He was angry at me for even suggesting that his behaviour was hurtful. He has completely changed his persona from when we were togther, from sweet kind and caring. To happy, on top of the world jerk, with a new GF within 3 weeks. Did he ever love me? How can he act like this? Why is he rubbing it in my face?
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, get back together, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2015): Please read about narcissist personality disorder. Narcissist can fake whole relationships for years and when done discard the victim and jump right in to a new relationship as if you never existed. They have no empathy don't connect don't feel love for anyone not even themselves. The typical narcissism relationship follows the same pattern of "idealization, devaluation, discard. He is love bombing her like he did in the beginning with you then he will devalue her like he did with you by cheating and fighting soon will be the discard when he dumps her in the cruelest way like he did with you by rubbing a new relationship in her face. Narcissism is a personality disorder and he is doomed to die alone and miserable. He isn't of healthy mind because normal people mourn the lost of a relationship and not jump in to a new one. My advice to you is don't be his audience cause that is what he wants narcissist crave attention like a drug whether it is good or bad. Delete your Facebook and block him from everything and I guarantee he will come running back as soon as he gets bored with his new relationship and when he does I hope you will throw him back. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Cupidid  +, writes (1 February 2015):
Your EX isn't parading his CURRENT girlfriend around out of spite. Yes you may be hurting but that doesn't mean he can't be happy. I suggest you don't look at photos that would cause you dis stress. Also You stated the relationship wasn't working so why do you care? Surely you should b Happy that he has found some on it is working with. I wouldn't agree his ego has been hurt like the previous person said ... I would say it is yours. move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, louweez23 +, writes (22 March 2014):
 Because he's not over you and he wants you back but not for the right reasons.
His pathetic attempts to hurt you are just his way of saying that he's been hurt by the break up and wants to hurt you as much as you've hurt him.
Personally if I were you I would take this as a sign of his total unsuitability as a life partner and confirmation that you've made the right decision.
If he loved you he would care about how you feel and the last thing he would want to do is cause you pain.
It would appear that the only thing that has been hurt with him is his ego.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): Dear -----,
The best thing you can do in this situation is to just move on with your life.
I have been in your shoes and I understand how you feel. My ex boyfriend was bipolar which I only learned in round two with him. He was up and down, hot and cold just like that Katy Perry song. The worst thing was how he led me on , calling me the love of his life, soulmate etc. On the other hand, he also cut deep wounds in my heart,being overly critical. We had several arguments too, always because when we started a topic of discussion, his opinions were so crazy and off the wall. Obviously, I wouldn't agree, and he would say that I just did not understand him and that his way of thinking was always right. I think, in retrospect, I intimidated him because I am in better position in life and way more educated. He was always concocting lies to impress me, like how he bought a new car, house, was visiting Europe. That just showed how insecure he was.
When we broke up for the first time, because he wanted space, he completely cut off from me and then months later, when I started dating this sweet guy, tried to interfere in my new relationship. He managed to get me to break up with my new boyfriend and then get back together with him. This is when I found out he is bipolar. He refused to get medicated or seek help.
He was also being really shady and refusing to let me visit him in his city or be facebook friends etc. I broke it off with him only 2 months later. We still talked on the phone, because he insisted he wanted me in his life and would maybe one day be able to get his **** together and commit. I finally, told him, it was too painful and I needed to move on. He then tried to turn thr tables on me and said we needed to move on and he's had enough. Can you imagine? Who had really had enough.
Anyways, sorry for rambling and I am getting to the point now. A week after, we stop contact, he posts pics of him and this girl on facebook. I did some snooping and found out that he was seeing this girl secretly behind my back in his city. I don't know how serious their relationship was but anyways its been 7 months now. They are still together. They keep posting couple pics on facebook. I know I shouldn't be looking and just move on, however, I can't seem to help it. I do not want this cheating loser back but I want to see him alone and suffer.Before we broke it off, I told him, he wouldn't find anyone better than me who would love him unconditinally and he said he would. I guess this is his way of saying ' Look I found love again'.
Is this really love ? I think not. And I also think your boyfriend and his new girl don't have real love between them. The very act of posting cutesy pics on social sites screams of insecurity, like they need approval from the world. Also, no mature person in their right mind can jump out of one relationship into another and claim it is real love. Obviously, they have not dealt with the pain of the break up, not healed, and these cracks will always be there, infact deepen over time till it leads to the final break. He is rubbing it in your face because he wants to have the power of still being able to hurt you. You calling him is only giving him that satisfaction that you still care enough.
It still sucks for me but atleast I have maintained my dignity and not contacted him at all. In fact, I even blocked his number on my phone, his email address and on fb as well. When you feel love that strong, it is hard to be able to just shrug it off and move on, but I trust that in time I will and so will you. By eliminating all contact with him, I have started down this road of healing and ensured that he ahs no power over me.
Don't be jealous of this new girl. She has him and he was a crappy boyfriend to you. Most likely, he is a crappy boyfriend to her as well.
If they stay together, know that they were on the same level and therefore not intimidated by each other. My ex's new gf only is a high school passout and he never finished college, whereas I am working on getting a PhD. She is also not really good looking but maybe she feeds his ego and is compliant with his every whim and demand. Maybe she has low self esteem and is co-dependent. Who knows, at the end of the day, he was and always will be a shitty candidate for a prospective mate.People seldom change and neverr for anyone.
Take care of yourself- eat healthy, exercise. Follow your dreams. Discover new hobbies. Meet new people and slowly it will stop hurting as much. It doesn't hurt as much now for me and I am confident that with a bit more time, him and anything concerning him will cease to matter anymore.
You will oneday look back and realize how lucky you were to be released from a bad relationship.
The first step is to stop all contact though, let alone letting him know that you are hurting because of him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Thats a huge red flag for "Not Over You" especially if hes rubbing it in your face...
Trust me rebounds are no way of mourning,Some people always say YEA go out and meet new people this will make you feel better.
Sure it would but it doesnt mean Jump into another relationship.Rebounds only postpone the pain because you never took the time out to heal.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 If he is bipolar as you suspect ,this could be a manic episode.
Anyway, I would not see it as "rubbing it in your face ".
Your relationship had problems that led to a mutual, agreed upon break up. He is moving on, in the way that works best for him. This is something that he is doing FOR himself, not AGAINST you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Because he enjoys the power of bein able to hurt u. Not a nice man. If he ever wants u back remember his ability.
...............................
|
