A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we are no longer intimate. When we first got together, we had sex at least twice a day, but we haven't had sex in about 6 weeks. I have even tried lingerie and 'dressing up' for him, but he seems uninterested. I'm 19 and he's 24, so it makes no sense to me that we would have this problem. His lack of interest is really affecting my self esteem and I feel terrible about myself. Why would he be so distant when it comes to sex?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Guys that young who used to do it twice a day don't usually just stop unless there is a reason.
Given his age and his past huge sexual need, it looks like one of four things to me:
1. He's bored with you and sex isn't as stimulating with you - This isn't about you, in fact, #2 causes that problem a lot, and it's completely unfair to you.
2. He's become addicted to porn. - Let's make a metaphor using food. Say you put out a huge feast of filet mignon, lobster tail, all the delicious food he could want before him to eat. However, he just ate 15 microwave burritos and 10 stale hot dogs he got from the local gas station. He just ate trash, but he's still full and can't eat the fantastic feast you put before him. Porn is EXACTLY like that. Porn is the trash, and you are the filet mignon. He could be satiating himself sexually with that sludge, and in the meantime, compared to those silicone barbie dolls who twist themselves up in a pretzel, take it in all holes and pretend to love the semen milkshake some guy blasted at her eyeball, you are...ordinary.
3. Either you or he put on a ton of weight in the last year. I find this unlikely unless you are having 54,000 calories per day. Plus, I think you would have said something in your question like "I gained a lot of weight, and he won't have sex with me anymore!". So, I doubt it's this.
4. He's either cheating on you, or he's cheated on you, or he's close to cheating on you. Guys sometimes become really distant when they're cheating and are hedging their bets with you. He's drifting apart from you, yet he's hedging his bets in case this new vixen and he doesn't work out.
Either way, deal with it directly and don't take "I've been busy" as the correct answer. Observe him and look for signs of cheating before you confront him.
A
male
reader, 1000lies1000sorrys +, writes (24 January 2011):
 You might have to start to think about finding someone eles because he might have lost interest in you.
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A
male
reader, woeizmex +, writes (24 January 2011):
He could feel insecure about his potential, if u know what i mean. He could feel like he doesn't satisfy you... you just have to ask
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Many possible reasons here as to why he has withdrawn. Pull him aside outside the bedroom and address it calmly with him. Hopefully he'll open up and be honest and clear up this communication bug. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Thanks for the advice! I plan to talk to him tomorrow. And, no I haven't gained any weight, actually, I'm 5' 7" and I weigh 110lbs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Ask him!
Maybe it's not you! If you are too afraid to ask then try to turn him on... Not by dressing up or dirty talk or stripping, etc , try to cuddle kiss or even show him a little more affection..or he may be questioning wether he is still into you or not and if he breaks up with you he will mostly likey realize what he had! A girlfriend who loves him.. He'll be begging you for a second chance! Don't worry!
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A
female
reader, lovestruckash +, writes (24 January 2011):
Red flag! There's obviously a reason a GOOD one. It might be 3 things he is seeing someone else.He might contracted an std and it might be possible it could be a personal relationship promblem(maybe an arguement). Either way you should confront him and ask him why has he become so distant. Just be aware and don't ever feel low. There's obviously nothing wrong with you if he's been with you in the first place. and it doesn't have to be one of the three! I'm just throwing it out there. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, cupidgirl101 +, writes (24 January 2011):
I had the same problem, he may be watching alot of porn, or waiting for you to initiate the action. With my bf it was a mixture of these two things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This can be a normal problem for men - however, not usually at this age or for one that has a 19 year old girlfriend. Some reasons may be:
-he is feeling depressed
-you two have been fighting
-he is seeing someone else
-watching too much porn
-have you gained a lot of weight recently or something?
-gay
The best way to get around this is to just ask him! be sensitive and have an open mind...this is really not that normal! get to the bottom of it.
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