A
female
age
30-35,
*elanie6929
writes:About a couple weeks ago I was on my boyfriend's computer and I found his porn folder.(He has all my pictures in a separate folder) I'm not against porn or anything, I was just curious to what he likes. When I was searching through the pictures and videos I found some of his ex girlfriends mixed in and his internet friends that he's never met. He doesn't even really talk to them anymore either...same goes for the girlfriends.Before me, he didn't really have many girlfriends..they were basically all online relationships. The closest was about 2 hours and seen her a few times. He had one that lived a few states away also, and seen her a couple times. He's only fooled around with them, no sex. The ex girlfriend that lives a few states away I cannot stand. She posts "sexy" pictures on her profile and it bothers me. He saved a few to his computer in the porn folder. I hate that he looked at her. For some reason, the others don't bother me. I think it's because she's skinnier than I am. Yes, yes..I have confidence issues and I always think just because the girls are skinnier, he finds them more attractive. I'm not fat, just chubby..but I still think he finds them more attractive. It eats up at me. He tells me I'm hot and very attractive.I don't want to be mad at him for this because he said, she's just an ex girlfriend, it means nothing. But to me, it's personal when you're looking at your ex girlfriends/people you talked to.. and wanking off. I know he looks at porn videos also, not just them. So that makes me feel better about it. Realizing maybe it really isn't that personal to him, but something for him to get off to. It still bugs me knowing that he finds her attractive though. I know, just because we're dating doesn't mean he's gonna find her ugly all of a sudden.I know they are never going to meet again and same with his other friends. I really just want to understand this, why to his ex girlfriends and internet friends? He also said that porn stars don't do anything for him, he likes the look of real girls? but I just need HELP getting my head around to those certain people. This has eaten up at me for a long time and I just want to let it go. I know he loves me and me only. He told me he has no feelings for any of them. He's a really good guy, he treats me well and sometimes I feel like he deserves better because yes...I do complain a lot and get upset a lot. I seriously bring this up like everyday. I need to stop, I want to stop. I feel like I'm resenting him because of this.I made him delete the pictures, I watched him. He still masturbates to porn and that's fine with me. He's also promised me that he won't look at anyone he knows anymore. He reassures me over and over again that I have nothing to worry about. He also admitted that he felt like he was pervy doing this. And that he hates himself for it. He didn't wanna be that guy. And he felt bad afterwards doing it.Can someone please just give me some insight? I'm aware I need more self-confidence. I complain how ugly I am to him and he tells me otherwise, constantly. I think the reason this has become such an issue is because of the way I think of myself...and jealousy.I don't wanna be that crazy girlfriend who looks at his internet history everyday to make sure he's not looking. I wanna believe him and believe that it was nothing personal. Deep down I already know that, I just won't listen. So any input would be great.
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confidence, ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, porn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Melanie6929 +, writes (18 March 2010):
Melanie6929 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone.
I guess it just bothers me because he finds his ex girlfriends attractive enough to want to look and save pictures. I know he used them to masturbate to, but then it gets me thinking he's probably thinking of them having sex with him. Which is where I can't accept it. I don't want him fantasizing about girls he knows or ex girlfriends. It would bother me even more if it was just ONE ex girlfriend, but it's a couple. So it makes it sound less personal?
Does this mean he still has something for them? Or does he just think of them as another tool to get off? Should I just let it go? UGh..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): I think you might have trouble dealing with this because they are his friends and ex`s in his porn folder. They are "real" people that he could possibly meet up with. Porn stars arent so easy to meet. Its all make believe with them, so safer in a way.
He might look at one girl because he likes her boobs or another because her legs turn him on. You cant be a composite of all the things he finds sexy, even they arent, thats why he had more than one girl to look at. By the same token he cant be everything you find sexy. Do you think that bothers him? Im sure it doesnt.
Its pointless to worry about it. Just be yourself and try not to worry if he has deleted them now x
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Believe him honeypie, you know it's the truth. This guy is crazy about you. I can see why, your very refreshing because you are kind, thoughtful, intelligent and your very unaware, you just can't see all the qualities me, him and other people see.
How do I know all this, it's all there in your post. The way your trying to tackle this problem, the way you explain how you think, the way you consider his feelings, and the things he says about you.
All us women think we are too fat, or too ugly.. For me, we watch too much damn television and read to many magazines. We want to be as slim as the women in the movies, but they are slim because they are working. The camera adds extra weight, about 5lbs, so if they don't stay extra skinny, then they would look fatter than you and me. When they are not working, they eat ice-cream, have bad hair days, and forget to put on makeup, they are human too. Beautiful women in the public eye only look like this because that's what they are paid to do. They don't look this way at home.
The ex-girlfriend... hahahaha... she's in the porn box.. not a nice place to be. Women you respect don't go in there, they go into a nice folder of their own. I think it might be a bit of a joke. She acts like a porn star, she puts herself in public wearing skimpy clothes. So he dosen't put her in the box marked "friends and aquaintances", he puts her in the box where only the "ho's" go into.
I maybe wrong, but I have a feeling he's not masterbating over her picture. It's probably a reminder of why he's with you and not with her.
But it dosen't matter now. It upset you, he's deleted it, and he understands how you feel. He'll keep his pornography fantasy only and won't subject you into meeting any of the women that he sees.
Don't worry so much honeypie. You must be beautiful inside and out, he's not stupid and he's not blind. He says your pretty, why can't you believe what he says?
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