A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating a guy for a year and almost eight months. Less than a year ago I told him I was moving to another city. He said he would follow me wherever I went. We had one big fight about it back in October, we broke up, and got back together. It was decided we were going to move together. I plan to leave late May. The big move is coming soon and we have recently been having little disagreements or discussions that lead to the talk about moving. So now one day he loves me everything is fine, the next I don't know, and then all over again. So finally now he is saying its not the right thing to do. Also, he does have a lot of pressure from school because after this semester he will be able to get into the program he has been studying so hard to get into. Moving causes uncertainty because it might not be that easy to get into the program because of credit transferring. Sometimes he gets into this mood where is becomes this asshole and tells me he doesn't want to be with me. I know him very well and he's never like that, he's always passive, and caring for the most part. I think he is scared to leave his family and friends behind, and maybe possibly his career. I love him to pieces, I really do. He has talked about having children and even picked out names and what not. My question is, is of because he is scared of change? Commitment? Or he flat out doesn't love me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): At his young age, I'd be really surprised if he was ready for a permanent commitment. Men don't really reach this readiness until they have completed all their individual goals in life like education, career, and financial stability. This readiness settles in around the late 20's to early 30's. Women are wired differently and mature faster in regards to wanting to settle down. He loves you but what you want is conflicting with what he needs to do for himself to develop into the man he is supposed to become. He's right, it's not the right thing to do for him and I'd respect that. The alternative would be to pressure him to move, say he does, and the resentment and feeling of being trapped that ensues will ruin the love he has for you. Best thing is to let him go with love...long term he will respect you for that...and possibly find his way back to you. Loving someone requires you to look beyond your needs and do what's best for them. This is the only love that can withstand the test of time and distance.
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