A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's best mate is very possessive over him and it seems to be negatively affecting our relationship. What should I do?I'd be happy to have him around all the time because I know him and my boyfriend are very close but he's not very nice to me. He's constantly making "jokes" (he insists thats what they are) at how "he can't wait till the two of us break up, so he can have his best friend back" and when I react he tells me i'm being sensitive. He once told my boyfriend that he's a worrier and he worries too much and that only reason that he wouldn't cheat on me is because he'd be worried about getting caught. Which is completely 100% not true he is just making arse hole comments because that's not in my boyfriends nature and his best mate is a chauvinistic pig towards woman. Our relationship is really strong and I love him very much - all of our friends love us as a couple it just seems to be him that has the problem.I don't think his mate has many friends and he constantly wants to be doing everything with my boyfriend instead of me. For example my boyfriend and I were going to start djing together but his mate went halves on the decks before I could and now they've started djing together without me. Another example is that he knows me and my boyfriend will be moving in together in the near distant future, so he's just turned around to my boyfriend and asked him he wanted to move in with him (just the two of them) close to their hometown.I feel like his mate is trying to purposely push me away from my boyfriend by trying to create a divide between us? Is there anything I can do to rectify things without upsetting my boyfriend?I must stress i've never had problems with best friends/friends before, i'm very easy going person.
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): Thank you for all your great advice guys!
My boyfriend does stand up for me but i don't think he's ever sat his friend down and asked him what his problem is. I think he tries to avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs, which I know is a problem. His friend is manipulative because he makes out to my boyfriend that he "really likes me and that we're a family" .... But we're really not and he doesn't.
I've never thought about it being a problem with my boyfriend before but I've realised now that he does need to step his game up to protect my feelings.
I cant let his best mate come between us because that's what he wants and our relationship is really wonderful besides that! We have a great social life with our other friends too and my family adore him.
It's too frustrating for me to keep quiet on this one so what can I say without it sounding like I'm being the possessive one? I still want them to hang out I just want him to respect our relationship and give it some distance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): Your boyfriend sounds lacks maturity and a backbone.
Unfortunately, those are not two things you can give him.
You either wait it out for years while he grows up (if he ever does) or you call it quits.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 January 2015):
 The one who has to do more is your boyfriend. If there's something you can do is that you move away and find your ideal job in a different city then invite your boyfriend to come along. The other thing is actually a non doing. Not being angry, not saying anything back to let him know that he has no power to break your relationship.
If they had been best friends forever he would be possessive of him because girlfriends take away the importance that he once had. If your relationship is strong then no one has the power to steal your boyfriend away unless your boyfriend lets that happen. No need for ultimatums because if his love for you is real, he won't be swayed by negative comments made from his friend. He won't let anyone come between you. Best thing is that you keep the relationship and he still has time for his friend. If he goes overboard your boyfriend protects you and butts him out. If your boyfriend has gotten to a point where he is convinced that women are too demanding, best mates stay together while girlfriends come and go, then you know he's not boyfriend material enough to protect your interests. This is more about your boyfriend's character than you. His ability to be diplomatic and act under pressure.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): You need to explain this to your bf, for me this would be over already. If I had a bf that refused to step up and say 'enough is enough I love this lady and no one will talk to her like that' then he can't really care. He either doesn't notice this (unlikely - he's not a child and his observation skills should have developed beyond that of a 2 year old) or he is too afraid to step in and say something.You can't have a relationship with a third person constantly in your business. I wouldn't suggest an ultimatum situation, as he will probably be too afraid to make any decision and just run to his friend, but he needs to be aware if he doesn't grow up and make it know he wants to have more time with you then he's going to lose you. Is this friend gay, is he perhaps jealous of your relationship? You say he has an attitude with women, I wonder if he is just in complete denial over his sexuality and instead takes this out on women because he's having to hide his true self and appear interested in them?! I don't know how you cope, he sounds too immature for a relationship if he can't set boundaries with a friend. And if he even tried to use you as the excuse, as in "I can't see you because SHE wants more time with me...well SHE has said..." Then if be out of there, because if he doesn't want those things too and would rather paint you out to be a demanding madam he doesn't deserve your affection. He should be stepping up and saying "you need to give me space to enjoy my girlfriend, we're still friends but you've got to understand that we're getting older and someone special is on my life that I want to focus my attention on"
...............................
|
