A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 5 days ago,I hung up on my boyfriend due to his behavior.He was intoxicated, not nice with his comments etccc...He hurt my feelings by the way he was acting so I hung up on him. 2 days ago,I had cooled off and felt guilty to hang up on him so i texted him ( btw..he had not made contacts with me since I hung up on him!)telling him that i was sorry i had done that but he had hurt my feelings and I needed time to cool off! I also wrote how i felt about him and that I knew he was dealing with some personal issues( alcoholism, unhappy with his life..) so i was going to give him space! And for him to call me whenever he was ready! He replied to my text by saying that he would call me that night ...but never did! Now its been 2 days ...what is he doing?? making me feel more guilty ? see if i will break my promise of giving him space?? I am confused!!I need to add that a week before that incident, He had not contacting me for a few days and when he finally called he apoloziged for being distant but said he had not been feeling good and was doing some "soul searching"..( he was trying to stop drinking heavily!)..This is one of his main issue: struggling with alcohol! Hanging with friends who are as heavy drinker as he is!WHat do you think his present behavior means??I am confused about the situation. I really fell for this guy and he even has told me he loved me a few times!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2012):
 he is an active alcoholic. we can't explain his behavior. there is no rhyme or reason to it.
it's fueled by addictions. Trust me I live this life daily....
he needs to stop drinking 100% not just heavily.
I suggest you contact your local Al-Anon Chapter and take care of yourself... you can't fix his problems...
BTW I'm the Queen of England. I said it.. therefore it must be true.
Honey if he says he loves you that's just WORDS.... what does he DO that SHOWS you he loves you?
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (13 February 2012):
 From what you desribe, he is simply an alcoholic. There is no reasoning, understanding, or consoling an alcoholic. If you love him, point him toward treatment, and offer compassion and support. It is not a disease he can fight himself.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 February 2012):
 My guess is that your boyfriend is trying to quit drinking and isn't having much success. He knows that if and when he calls you, you'll ask about his success or failing and it'll put him in a tough spot.
Alcoholism is a very tough issue to deal with. If you haven't already looked into it, you should consider contacting alanon (www.al-anon.alateen.org/) and learning as much as possible about his problem. Most alcoholics will continue to have this problem throughout their lives and only about 20% are able to kick the habit for good (assuming he seeks help). Often times there are many ups and downs that involve relapses and emotional highs and lows.
At this point, I know you'd hate to abandon your boyfriend is his hour of need, but there are a few things I'd like you to consider:
1) You cannot cure your boyfriend. He must seek help on his own. No amount of nagging, withholding affect, etc will help him. He'll have to admit he has a problem and seek the appropriate treatment. Despite what sappy movies indicate, love will not cure alcoholism.
2) Ask yourself if you really have the internal strength to go along with him. There is definitely a rocky road ahead and chances are you are going to have more pain than love in your near future. I am not sure of the connection you have with him, but no one would think less of you if you were to cut your losses at this point. Also, you've only known him when he was a drunk. Sometimes when drunks dry up, a new person emerges. This new person may not be compatible with you.
I wish you luck and hope you think about your future with this man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): "WHat do you think his present behavior means??"
It means he's a drunken abuser taking advantage of a doormat victim with no self-respect or self-esteem so she allows anything attached to a penis to define her identity and therefore is always willing to take the blame whenever he's at fault, which he always is.
"I really fell for this guy and he even has told me he loved me a few times!"
He's TOLD you he loves you but has he SHOWED you he loves you?
Honestly, I can't understand females like you who will always accept a lame excuse or explanation for abhorrent behavior instead of letting the abhorrent behavior speak for itself. For once, smarten up and don't judge a drunken loser by what he says during rare moments of sobriety, judge a drunken loser for what he does when he's drunk. That's who he really is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): He is an alcoholic so expecting him to act healthy and adult and keep commitments is too high of expectations that only HEALTHY LOVING MEN are capable of. Its not him.
You decide if you are okay and happy being a part of this whole cycle of abuse that goes with being in 'love' with an alcoholic or you move on and find happiness is someone who is healthier and WANTING to love, honour, and adore you like you are the centre of his Galaxy.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (13 February 2012):
 He has been distant, not calling you when he said he would... see where this is going? And for one thing, he should be apologizing as well. You've done your part apologizing for hanging up, but where was his apology about acting like a drunken asshole?
When someone says they are "soul searching" it means they are evaluating whether or not they happier with or without you. It's not a good sign that he's telling you that he's soul searching and that's why he hasn't been in touch with you recently.
Maybe you should take the time to do some soul searching as well.
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