A
female
age
41-50,
*ueenK
writes:Why is it no matter how good you are and how true and honest you are there are still people who don’t see it. The older I get the more I realize what is right and wrong and I realize what I deserve in life and what I should allow in a relationship especially since I have daughters learning and watching my example. I want to teach them to never settle and to go after what they want in life. I have always gone after what I wanted but it hasn’t turned out good. I am now in a relationship with an amazing man however recently he has been under a ton of stress with work and it has made him very short and mean. He speaks to me in ways I know I should not allow. Most of the time it’s for no reason. People make him think bad or believe bad things of me but I tell him it’s not true and yet he doesn’t believe me. I’m at such a loss. I don’t know what to do. I love him to pieces and want a future with him but I can’t take much more. Help??
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): It's a matter of trust. Anyone who trusts you, doesn't believe bad things about you without evidence. You can be nice as ever; but if a particular individual just doesn't like you, or is angry with you; they will consciously block-out all they know that is good about you. There's not much you can do when someone takes that attitude towards you. You distance yourself from people who want to think the worse of you.
It's pointless loving someone to pieces who wouldn't trust or care for you enough to give you benefit of the doubt. You can't let your misdirected affections for a person dismiss the fact they believe bad things about you. If people hear rumors and judge you by what they've heard; that means they will never trust you. So giving them your heart is wasting your time and your feelings.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): You clearly do not have as solid a foundation to your relationship as you thought if he easily believes rumours about you. And why are people saying such things about you? Is there any truth to them? Is your boyfriend correct to not trust you? I feel you have left some details out. Have you done anything to lose his trust?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 July 2018):
 IF you know his behavior is not OK, WHY are you allowing it?
Other people CAN NOT make him think bad things about you, He knows you, and since he is dating you, he should come to you with these "rumors" and ask you what's up with that. Instead he CHOOSES to accuse you or use it as ammo against you.
OP, that is NOT a good guy.
If he BELIEVES all these "bad" things about you WHY is he still dating you?
Being stressed CAN bring out the worst in people. But if it also means they borderline abuse their partners or loved ones then they are USING "stress" as an excuse.
I'm sorry OP, If you DO not stand up for yourself NO ONE else will.
And I get that you LOVE him, but is this how you see your future? With a partner who bully and abuse you verbally?
IS that what you want your daughters to see?
Because you have to remember, "monkey see. monkey do". LEAD by example. And in this case it would be :"I can not be with you when you treat me this way. I don't deserve this abuse from you or anyone else."
You know what to do, LOVE is no excuse to LET someone be mean and cruel to you or to BE mean and cruel to someone else.
THAT is not love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): Back of from the relationship..tell him if he believes what others say about you and not your honesty then what is the point. This will only get worse . Think of your daughters . He can easily start being mean to them for no reason. Draw your boundaires now . Loving someone doesn't always make it work and stress doesn't make it any less what it is
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