A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! I have an ex-boyfriend that is really confusing me. We broke up about 2 years ago because he didn't want to do a long distance relationship. He recently moved back but he brought a girlfriend! About a month before he moved back he told me that he wanted to get back together with me but he ended up staying with her and she moved across the country to be with him! I decided to let it go because I thought that was what he really wanted. We're still good friends and we hang out but he NEVER talks about her. I try to be a good friend and ask him how she is doing but he just changes the subject. He still pays for everything when we go out even though I insist that I can pay for myself. Why does he try to hide the fact that he is with this girl even though we both know he is. Thanks!
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broke up, get back together, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 We werent trying to be hostile, as you say its always difficult because we dont know the full story. I think you should maybe ask him outright what is going on here not just because you could end up getting hurt if you think its leading somewhere and you start to fall in love with him again but for his girlfriends sake too as it really isnt fair if he has feelings for you as well as her. He does need to make a decision here x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that she is the one who has a problem with me. I just don't know if it's my fault that he still calls me and invites me over to his place. Sometimes I want to tell him that I think he is treating her badly. I don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I was not attempting to be hostile in the least. In fact, I thought I was quite diplomatic about the whole thing...
But it's interesting that he invites you over to his apartment when she's out of town. You and his new GF might not see eye-to-eye (or as you put it, "hates you"), don't you think being at his place is pushing the envelope here? I suppose that if you turned the tables and you were the GF out of town, how would you feel to find out that your BF has been entertaining an ex? Just food for thought. But to me, it seems like the issue of the new GF is off limits to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, if he respects her so much then why does he spend time with me in the first place? I didn't know they were dating at the time, but he kissed me once when they were together so she hates me. I've never actually met her. I know she's real because they live together and he invited me to watch a movie with him at the apartment when she was out of town. I just think that if he was completely in love with her he would have cut me off. I also think these responses seem a little hostile. I have every right to wonder about this because I truly care about him. I think he has insecurity issues because he thinks that I am way more attractive than he is. He feels totally inadequate so he has chosen to be with someone that is not even near my caliber. I guess this is what I get for asking strangers on an internet site for advice. It's just too hard because I would have write an entire history of our relationship spanning the last 7 years. Thanks again to anyone who has read this though:)
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (19 June 2008):
Maybe he feels it is not right to discuss her with you and is actually showing her loyalty here. If thats the case then he truly loves her. I assume she is ok with him taking you out now and again? I wouldnt stop my husband meeting up with an old friend but I would be devastated if he discussed our private life with her.
As Peter Pan says why do you care anyway, do you secretly want it to be over because you want him back maybe or are you just curious? x
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (19 June 2008):
Maybe he feels guilty about the whole thing so he never mentions her around you. Have you met her since she's moved to town? Are you sure she's in the picture? Are you sure that they're still together?
Assuming they're still an item, then only thing that comes to mind is that he's somehow embarrassed about the whole thing. If you have a strong friendship between you, maybe it's time to get the answer directly from him than guessing circles around the topic. The other thing to consider is why do you care? Sure, he's your ex, you'd like to see your friends happy, but perhaps he's leaving you out of his personal life for his personal reasons. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable combining his old life with his new one.
We could guess all night what his thinking is, but there's only two things left to do: either you get him to open up to you about this new girlfriend, or you accept it as one of the topics that no longer concerns you and you should stop asking about his new relationship...
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