A
female
age
41-50,
*emmefatale123
writes:My ex and I dated for around seven months. We spent a lot of time together and traveled together. Basically, he broke it off because he was hurt badly before by an ex-wife who cheated on him, and he’s been scared of relationships since then—until he met me, he said—at least early on. I thought I had broken through them because everything was great. Apparently, he’s still got defense mechanisms in place and split when we were getting closer.That was about two months ago, and he sent me a message, apologizing a month ago, saying he felt bad about what happened. No attempt at reconciliation. He got some things back to me that I left at his place. I have pretty much ignored him in that time and not initiated contact. I told him I wasn't going to chase him, and I haven't begged him to come back.Just over a week ago, on a Saturday night, he sent me a Facebook message, saying that he found some body spray in his bathroom and wanting to know if it was mine. (The only other person to whom it might belong would be his daughter who visits occasionally.) It's inexpensive and I’m pretty sure there wasn't much of it left. If I were him, I would have been tempted to discard it and not make contact.I replied on Facebook with a simple "Yes." He replied, saying he would get it to me. But then the next day, on Sunday, he turned around and sent me a text telling me he could leave it somewhere or I could pick it up. (He hasn't texted me in two months.)I texted back a few hours later, saying I didn't know anywhere to leave it, and I would just pick it up later in the week. He texted back "K."Four days later, on Thursday, he sent me another text, saying, “I going out of town for a few days at noon. You want me to leave the spray on the porch, or just get it later?” (I already knew from before our split that he was going to see his daughter this particular weekend.)I replied, saying, “I’m going out of town, too. I’ll get it later.” He texted back, “Have fun.” I replied, telling him to have fun, too, and tell his daughter “hello.” He said, “Will do.”I've been working on myself in the time we've been apart and have gotten asked out by about three different guys, one of whom I've gone out with, but I still have feelings for this man, and I’m not sure what he wants from me. My female friends say he’s not over me if he’s staying in contact, and he’s using the body spray to lure me back. They think I should ask him outright what he wants.One of our male friends who knows him agrees that he’s trying to lure me back with the friendly texts and the spray I left at his house, but he says to ignore him, and he will keep coming back. He said to tell him to discard the spray and make him go back to the drawing board to try to get me to come over. This friend says even if he does want me back, he won’t come out and say it directly.We’re both adults, and I this feels like game-playing. However, this guy’s really shy and can be insecure sometimes. We were SO compatible and have so much in common, a point he brought up when he broke up with me. I would be willing to give him a second chance if he really wants one--with some stipulations about future behavior--but how do I approach him without scaring him away?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Tell him to toss the spray. If he continues to text after that, invite him out and take it from there. I agree that we're all grown ups and should be able to talk to one another and avoid this game playing. Yes, he's wanting your attention, but you like him a lot and should give it another shot. I say just come right out and ask him IF you end up on a date. If you scare him off then he's still not ready, and he continue to stalk you on FB if he wants to keep up with your life.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 If he wanted to be in a relationship with you again, he'd tell you, since he has been in a relationship with you before.
Flirting?...maybe, or could be that he just needs an ego boost. One thing is for sure...he isn't sure about you but he's come around again for some attention because as Jannie said, seems he justs wants to be wanted.
You seem happy enough to play along with his games, so why not just enjoy what little attention he gives you?
Some people count facebook interaction as a relationship and in todays world, if that's enough to keep you hooked to this man, then there aint nothing wrong with that as long as you are happy...but for most other people, it wouldn't be enough.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, femmefatale123 +, writes (17 October 2012):
femmefatale123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question By the way, we've remained Facebook friends. He has either "liked" or commented on one or more of my posts daily for the past couple of weeks. Mostly, I just share fun stuff or something thought-provoking. He "liked" and commented on a lot of my stuff before we started dating and a good bit while we were dating. Now it's daily, several times a day.
This weekend, while he was on the trip to see his daughter, I went to a party and wore a sassy little red dress. I posted some pics on Facebook. Today at 2 p.m., he "liked" the album. Later, around 5 p.m. he commented on it with a single word: "Ouch." Flirting now?
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A
female
reader, femmefatale123 +, writes (17 October 2012):
femmefatale123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Did you notice, the second you responded, he got flaky again 'I'm going out of town'..."
I have known for months he was going on this trip to see his daughter, Aunty Em--even before we broke up. So it has been planned. It wasn't him being flaky.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 October 2012):
He is poking to see if you are still thinking about him. Doesn't mean he wants to be with you, doesn't mean he wil change, suddenly want a full on relationship and come come back to you.
It's slightly pathetic tht he had to use a half dead can of deodorant to get the tiniest bit of attention from you...
Did you notice, the second you responded, he got flaky again 'I'm going out of town'...
I mean, why bother???
Why should you have to handle him with kid goves and work him out and accomodate his shitty behaviour.
I swear to god, all women should wear a sign over their heart
'Poke here for ego booster'
He got your curiosity going, got his boost and the minute you step closer to him, he will freak out and go again.
Do yourself a huge massive favour, go date those other guys and for him:
IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE....forever!!! Period!!!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 He just wants to be wanted. The game playing benefits him knowing that there's a woman who thinks and cares about him, but at the same time he is allowed to disappear again because he doesn't say anything about reconciliation. Being cheated on is a poor excuse to break things off. If you continue this game with him he will just come up with another excuse later. Just tell him to chuck that body spray. You are not compatible because you want a serious relationship and he wants to play games. That's a biggie. You can have friends to share common interests with. When a guy doesn't want a serious relationship you have nothing.
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