A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hiso this is definitely the last question about this particular man that I will ask! I'm just trying to get my head round this last development to be honest.So my ex and i were seeing each other for 5 months, it was mainly lovely, we went on holiday together which i paid for and paid for him whilst we were there (stupidly), got back then for two weeks things just fell apart. He didn't make much effort, didn't stick to plans etc so i called him on it, he blamed it on incompatibility so i ended it. Granted not in the best way, i tried to meet up with him and called him but he ignored me so i had to do it on text. I got no response!I posted last week as we work together and he's been very difficult as in not responding or not including me in emails etc. I've text him twice since, in a nice way, to say look we work together, lets be mature and have a chat and end things nicely, there's no need for any animosity between us. He text back first time and said we'd meet that week then he never got in touch, then i ran in to him last weekend and he pretty much blanked me but said 'we'd talk soon' before pretty much running out of the door! Then i ran into him out on Thursday and he blanked me again! So this time i thought I'm just going to say hey, so walked over, i could see he was mortified and he instantly starts going on about the relationship and how we're incompatible and how he hasnt been ignoring me purposefully. So i just said look, i havent come over to have an argument or talk about the relationship, i just wanted to say there's no need for us to ignore each other and i agreed with the fact that we're incompatible. He was really taken aback and said oh um ok then and i wished him a good night and walked away.Then things just escalated, he was all over some girls in front of us and i got more angry and my friend, maybe wrongly or rightly said if it was her she'd be asking for the money back for the holiday. So i went over to him again and things just very quickly got out of hand. He started screaming at me about how unhappy i have made him and how unhappy i make everyone in my life! He literally screamed in my face and was waving his hands at me to the point that his best friend came over to try and stop him. I honestly think its a lot to do with us working together in that although i'm not his boss, i do have to manage him a little and request work from him, chase him for stuff etc so he sees me in that 'work mode' and im very direct i guess which he's never liked. We had what i thought, was a lovely 5 months and he certainly acted like it too, so for him to scream at me in that manor and to bring other people in to it, was just incredibly hurtful! I walked off in the end and his friends actually came over to me and said what an idiot he was being so that was kind of soothing. He then proceeds to get with someone else in front of me, who is like 21 or something. (I'm 32, hes 28!) Urgh i know its all really childish and high school and yes i ended it but not because i didnt have feelings for him, so it just really hurts that he feels like that and i just dont understand why he's so angry at me!? Thanks x
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best friend, money, my ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 The time for discussion about money was BEFORE you went on holiday, not now. If there was no discussion, let alone agreement, about the money you do not have a leg to stand on. I think you are just going to have to let it drop.
I agree with Honeypie about watching him at work. You must remain professional at all times, he does sound like the type to want to cause you as much harm as he can. Your job is more important than the holiday money.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): Sorry Honey Pie that wasn't aimed at you :) it was the first lady that said I'm a cling on that I was questioning.
Anyway thank you for all of your responses, I know I'm rid of him. I'm just not the type of person to hold anger and grudges against people so it hurts me when they do with no explanation! X
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 November 2013):
 Hi OP,
Janniepeg explains his anger very well.
The money/ holiday: since you never made an agreement for him to pay you back, you can't really expect him to do so now. Legally, you certainly have no way to get any money back. Since you're on bad terms, he won't voluntarily give you any money, and he might not have done anyway since there was no agreement. I know it seems unfair now but lesson learned ... don't lend people money if you can't afford not to get it back, don't gift money so early on in a relationship.
Personally I'd back right off, don't send any more text messages, don't hang out around him after work for a while, even if it means missing some social functions. At work, copy any emails pertaining to work to your line manager so he has to respond professionally. Don't send any emails not pertaining to work. He might accuse you of harassment if things get uglier. It's not worth that happening.
Good luck with moving on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 WHO CARES???/ ... if and why he's "mad at" you??????
You're free of this jerk.... so consider that your "blessing".... count it.... and get on with your life...
There's nothing to be gained (by you) by keeping this drama alive.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2013):
 YOU DO have EVERY right to have half of the costs back, but I'm just saying I don't think this guy will own up to the fact that he OWES you this money.
You said you took him aside, well that doesn't mean that others didn't overhear. I know he didn't want to meet up just the two of you so it was hard for you to bring it up otherwise I would guess. But I would have called him after work to talk about it, not at a gathering or work. But again hindsight is 20/20.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): Sorry how am I a cling on when I ended it? I've given it space to be honest!
And I didn't bring the money up in front of anyone, I took him to one side.
I wouldn't have asked for it back if he'd ended things respectfully but given he's completely ignored me, tried to make it difficult at work then tries to get with people in my face, clearly to get to me, I think I have every right to ask for some of it back!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2013):
Well bringing up the money in front of a couple of girls he was trying to woe was a low blow (not that I really blame you). But I think realistically you need to accept that you will NEVER see that money.
He is angry because people now know he was a douche, a mooching douche.
I suggest you talk to your supervisor about him not including you (if he keeps doing it) and that you are TRYING to make it work in the workplace.
And then in the future learn from this, don't crap where you eat. (Don't date where you work).
Ignore him. Be polite and professional when it comes to work, don't try and beat this dead horse any more. THERE is no need to "talk" about the end of a relationship. And obviously he is a petty fella who can't remain professional.
And watch out, I can easily see a guy like that trying to sabotage you at work.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 He is angry that you dumped him and people in the office know your story, and how he smooched off of you in the vacation. You were the man in the relationship, you took charge. I could imagine that people in the office starting gossips like he was your play thing and your gigolo. For you it's a relationship ending and trying to be civil at work. For him it's utter humiliation. You are the older woman and you are supposed to be the insecure one so the break up was a blow to his self esteem. He immediately got a younger girl to show coworkers that he is not a bitch and he could take care of a lady. He didn't want the relationship to end. He wanted to take in benefits from you as long as you don't call his bluff. He's angry that he got exposed and he thinks that his anger could mask his parasitic tendencies.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (30 November 2013):
I'm sorry but from the way I read it, you are a bit of a cling on. It is over and done with. Move on.
Be professional when dealing with him at work.
As for asking for the money back. You were in a relationship and it was ok for you to do it then, it shouldn't change after YOU end it. Every relationship should be valued for what it was worth. It is a very much needed for us to grow as a person. I learn what we can give and get back from it.
The way I read it. Your behaviour looks poorly!
Good Luck!
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