A
female
age
30-35,
*ittenMagic
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about two months now, but i already know that this is real love, none of my other relationships felt this way. But sometimes my boyfriend makes me feel a bit..odd i guess. He'll say hows much he loves me constantly and how much he misses me when we're away from each other, yet if he's in a mood he thinks its ok to hang up on me, swear at me, and blames all arguments on me. I know that i take it probably more than i should, but i know that if i agree with him and 'roll over' then he will calm down and go back to being the happy guy he usually is. For the past three or four weeks i've put his mood swings down to trying to quit smoking, then him quitting his mechanics job, then problems with the army (his past and hopefully future job), and now problems with his computer or landlady. But i do know that even though this is happening, i shouldn't be feeling upset, should i?He does have a nasty temper, and used to be a bit of a fighter, but although he'll chuck things around the room, such as tvs, he promises he'll never hurt me.When i try to confront him on these things, he always turns it around and says that if we break up, that it will be because of me. He also seems to have a VERY big problem with the possibilty that i will cheat on him, i would never do anything like that, and he has no reason to as i rarely even speak to other men as i know it will set him off - but his ex-girlfriend did cheat on him, but however many times i tell him that i'm not her, he won't accept it. Even simple things like when we're talking online, he'll need to see me on the webcam he bought me, and wll keep asking who im talking to (no-one, there isn't anyone else on my msn list) or what sites i'm on etc. to check up on me. I don't mind this, but when i ask him these things he gets very defensive and often logs off and ignores my calls for a bit, as if to punish me for questioning him.I have two very demanding jobs, one of which i have to get up at 4:30am for, and he does not have any income. I often feel like i have have to support him, when i can barely support myself on these jobs.We've just had a pregnancy scare and i knew that if i was pregnant that there would be no way we could have the baby. Not just the short amount of time we've been together, but also we don't live togther and haven't even looked after a goldfish let alone a baby. Yet he felt like he wanted to, and i did feel pressured into saying yes, and that i would consider things.I do feel bad now, for saying all this, but i can't talk to anyone else about this - theres is no one else. All my girl friends are at uni and if he found out i'd been talking to a boy...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Rey  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Sometimes when we love people unconditionally we feel the need to make excuses for them and overlook how they treat us in favor of all the good times. However, your b/f doesn't sound like too much fun. He stresses you emotionally and financially. 2 very bad combinations.
It's hard to say goodbye to people you've invested so much time and emotion into, but sometimes we have to appraise our worth and ask ourselves if we deserve better? Can we find better? If the answer is yes, then you should leave him and find someone who treats you with respect always, who doesn't cuss at you, and who doesn't spend your money.
You want someone who will sacrifice what they want to make you happy. Not someone who is looking for you to sacrifice for them ALWAYS. True Love is when both people sacrifice and compromise for each other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Red Flags! Red Flags! Red Flags! If my recent ex was a waste of time and he had just a mild version of what yours has What do you think I'm going to tell you? RUN 4 ur life girl! Evidently you were brought up in a disturbed family environment and can't distinguish what kind of people is good for you and what kind are bad. And you feel uncomfortable for seeing defects in other the person who you think loves you. Been there, done that. This guy is emotionally sick and he is in no position right now-or in the near future-to be a healthy addition to your life. companion for you. Be prepared for more manipulation when you dump him, but dump him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): go. pack your bags and go.
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A
male
reader, steven 25206542 +, writes (29 November 2007):
 i am ashamed to admit this
but i am x army aswell and it does f*ck u up u dont trust anyone and u think that u should be punished for ur past and the worst thing is the people aound us never c these mental wounds despit al this i think u should leave him it soesnt seem right my dear sorry
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Run . . . run like the wind.
This guy is bad news, and it isn't going to get nny better.
Run . . . run like the wind!
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (29 November 2007):
 I think there may be mental illness here. He sounds paranoid/delusional or maybe bipolar. He can be loving and charming, but also abusive. The fact that he doesnt work and expects you to support him is a HUGE red flag to me. I know you say you love him, but I think you need to do some serious, detatched analysis to see if it is really worth even staying in this relationship. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life?
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