A
female
age
,
*rixi1018
writes:I have been seeing my boyfriend since October. We started having sex often and regularly a month into the relationship. He's not that great in bed. I thought this would change as we got closer, playing and developing a sense of what the other likes. The frequency is once a week now (not enough), and he's not being playful. He has admitted that I do things and have pleased him, like no one he's ever been with. I have a high sex drive, am very open and willing to experiment. He has also admitted that he's a bit uncomfortable w/ how experienced and experimental I am in bed. I mean really!?! Does he want that lame mission position, with minimal foreplay? Yawn!? Why is he being so tepid? I want to rock...honestly I thought that's what guys liked, I like it too. Why is he being so boring?Honestly, he is such a great guy out of bed...if he wasn't he'd be gone!
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male
reader, The Corporate Casanova +, writes (12 June 2014):
 It's best if you had a heart-to-heart talk with him, and introduce him to more unique forms of foreplay so that he can be kept in the loop about it. Whether it's the Tennessee Log-jammer, the Cowgirl/Cowboy, or the "69", he might have to understand the patterns, methods, and variations (in regards to speed & frequency). Try to take it slow for him, just so that he can let it all soak in at his own pace. But if he isn't willing to understand or even consider foreplay (conventional or otherwise), then he is on the road to flatlining in the sack.
Speaking of flatlines, there can be other issues involving men failing to achieve success in their *ahem*... nighttime athletic activities. There is a possibility of impotence, minimal testosterone, chronic masturbation (I have been dealing with this malady for a long time, really) and/or the underlying culprit plaguing many a virile gentleman *cringe*... erectile dysfunction.
Bear in mind that there is more (much more) to being in a relationship than just sex. Of course sex can be exciting, thrilling, and fun (despite the fact that I'm still a virgin). But sometimes a break is needed from it all, so as to not make sex more dull that it might already be from all the monotony. Finding common interest in particular hobbies might be ideal, so it's most wise to have fun with it.
If all else fails, then it's high time that you both should see other people, in hopes of finding someone with a closely-matching personality.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2014):
 I'm betting he's not being boring on purpose.
I'm betting this is him. this is his drive and his style.
if he's your age or close to it, then his desire to have you at middle age be "virginal" or close to it is misplaced and will be harmful.
I seriously doubt you can spice him up more than it is at this point.
If sex is that big a deal for you then you can do a couple of things:
1. leave him and find someone who is more your speed.
2. ask him if you can become swingers or take a lover to satisfy your needs (doubting this will work but I like to give all the options)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 June 2014):
 Just a thought but why not view some porn together..you might influence him to try a few things that you see and respond to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2014):
 Honestly..... I think he always sucked at sex. Some people just don't know how to add fun and variety to sex.
The add the factor that he has a touch of retrograde jealousy - jealous of your past. Which we can agree on is ridiculous at your age, because if he expects you to have had NO fun or great sex life before him is totally unrealistic.
And it can be that BrownWolf is right, he feels a little emasculated by not be the one with all the prowess and skills.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 June 2014):
“He has also admitted that he's a bit uncomfortable w/ how experienced and experimental I am in bed.”
You may not see the hidden problem in this statement, but you should.
Let me explain a little to you. We men like to be the first ones to open up the package, look inside, and see all the fun things we can do with the content of the package. If the package is already opened and everything seems to have been played with, then what is so special about the package?
He may have been hoping to try something new with you that he may have to talk you into. Instead you are like “Okay, bring it on!!” Now you just took the fun right out of it. You ever watch animals in heat? The female never runs up and stick her rear end out for the male to jump on. She plays a little hard to get…Make the male work a bit to get it. The female knows she will give it to him no matter what, but he has to be the male and hunt her down to get some.
Why do men go to stripe clubs? Just to see naked women? NO. Just like the female animals, the women on stage parade themselves in front of the males. He stares and dreams of what it would be like to have her. She comes closer and touches him, then moves off again, shows him what he wants. He can see it, oh so close, can smell it, her scent in the air, and his excitement grows in his pants. If she offers it right there on the stage he would do it. Why? She has shown him the package, let him touch the package, smell it, and for 20 bucks she may let him explore a little more, and our need to take control of what’s inside that package will drive us insane.
The point is, you may have a high sex drive, and in your need to get sex, you overlook the male senses. We need the hunt, and we never stop hunting. The hunt is our excitement. Take that away from us and we lose interest. You will be amazed what a little look of a woman’s underwear can do for a man. Why? We want what’s on the other side of that underwear…now how do we get it…The hunt is on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): Your age-group is given between 51-59; but you don't mention your boyfriend's age. I would assume he is in his 50's plus?
You have someone with a low sex-drive, and it doesn't necessarily have to be because of any particular physiological problem; perhaps age is a factor. Naturally male testosterone levels start dropping after 35, but sex drive is not always effected by age. Some men are just lousy lovers. If age has lowered his interest in sex; then you've got double-trouble on your hands.
He started out not very interested and described you like you're unusually experienced sexually. Truth is, he is of the old-school. Men are supposed to sexually dominate, and he is used to the missionary position. Getting on-top, getting-off, and rolling over. Men half his age think they can get-away with that.
Having a woman who is as sexually-aggressive as yourself may be new to him, as well as intimidating. It isn't getting any better, and I feel it's safe to say this guy is sexually-incompatible and boring. He may also be silently judging you.
You are a vibrant and sensual female, and you wouldn't have written DC unless sexual-incompatibility wasn't a deal-breaker for you. Some erroneously believe pills used for erectile dysfunction increases sex-drive. They don't!
So even if he took a trip to the doctor, things may not change much. He'll be able to get it up, but not necessarily get it on.
Pills for ED are not aphrodisiacs; they prolong erections. If a man is not particularly sexual and unimaginative in-bed; even checking his testosterone-level will not make any difference. So you have to make a major decision. Perhaps he would be better-off in the "friend-zone."
You're too sexy to give up sex in your relationship, and you shouldn't!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (10 June 2014):
Your boyfriend maybe not be just Tepid.He may have a LOW sex drive. However have an indept gentle chat with him over this matter and explain how you feel and invite him to tell you his real feelings on this matter.Give it time and understanding and see what the outcome will be .Sex is an important part of a relationship but not the total.But if one person has a high sex drive and the other person has a low sex drive it maybe not work. But do it it time.Kind Wishes NORA B,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): Hi, continue to encourage and explore the relationship and see how open he is in bed. You need to also ensure that he is comfortable with whatever you try. Ask him, if he likes what you doing and if he wants more, then also encourage him and tell him what you like. Sometimes you need to just be patient and lead and the best time to explore and encourage is in bed. Some men prefer not to talk about the sexual desires outside of bed. Just not comfortable. If you have a great guy then work on the bedroom. Trust me a guy can be trained and loves the adventure but slowly and ensure he is comfortable.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (10 June 2014):
 I don't think you can lump all guys into one group and assume they all like the same thing. He's obviously a little intimidated by your experimental approach to sex. Maybe talk to him about how you're feeling? You don't have to approach it so that it looks like you're critisising him just ask him what things he'd like to try, what really turns him on and then you do the same. Just don't have the conversation when you're already in the bedroom or you'll create negative associations. Go for a walk or something as it's easier to be honest and open with someone when you're side by side rather than face to face.
Give him lots of encouragement when he does do something you love so that he's sure to do it again!
Sex sin't everything in a relationship but it does count for a lot and it's obviously important to you so if you find you can't work things out in the bedroom then you may have to accept that the two of you just aren't compatible.
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