A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is going to be long, but I feel like I have to let this be known, heard. I'm tired of hurting. But I don't want to end this relationship. I love my Freedom (well, his name really isn't "Freedom", but to protect his privacy I will call him, "Freedom". I must note, however, that his name is just as strange as "Freedom", lol). I love my boyfriend. With all of my heart, unconditionally, really, well, I try my hardest. Like when with friends and he wants to spend some time with them instead of me, I will be okay knowing that he will lavish me with attention, as well. He's really sweet, if a little goofy. We're nerds and we're proud of it. We watch anime, play card games and play DND on Fridays. I try not to be jealous or whiny, but sometimes he gets to me.Like, after not seeing each other for a while for Spring Break, I was thrilled when I first saw him. As he saw me, I walked to him, happy. But when he looked at me he seemed unexcited. Did he not miss me? He didn't even kiss me. Freedom never kissed me on that day or today (which, I didn't even get to see him, at all until 9'oclock after his homework). And you know what he did? He preferred to perform a prank on another friend and avoided me until I nearly had to force a kiss on him, which he retracted from. The problem is, this is not the first time Freedom's done this to me. He would just drop from my world, close me out, and wordlessly casted me out like a demon. It stings when he does that, and it usually lasts for a week until the weekend, which is really the only time we can spend finally alone, together. His usual excuse is that he's busy or "thinking about things". And trust me, I'm an art student, I sometimes spend six hours or seven hours in an art studio after midnight, I know what that means. He's a computer science major, which is pretty heavy stuff and I know that it's hard, but the thing is, I would like to know when he's busy. I always tell him, "Well, I'm going to be at the art studio until twelve, tonight, hope you don't mind!" and he understands, I just wish he'd do the same.Usually, he's a sweetheart, when he first met me he used to text me all of the time. Now, he barely texts or chats with me at all. I don't know, I want to suggest maybe AIM so we can still have some time to talk, but I'm not so sure that Freedom will go for it.I'm not sure about anything, anymore. He's Native American and I'm black, I know this is random, but I also want to know if it's a cultural thing. He's a member of the Band of Choctaw Indians, specifically, so if there's anyone knowledge about this can someone please explain this to me so I can have a better understanding of it?He's my first true love, I lost my virginity to him, I'm always told that I might as well leave him, but I can't I know he's not this self-centered and I really hope that I'm not, either. If I am, I apologize and I hope that I can change that aspect. Either way, I'm hopelessly in love with him and even though he won't say it, I know he shows it.Basically, I want to know why is he being so distant toward me. What am I doing wrong? Is there really a reason why men do this sometimes? Or is it just him? Please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 October 2011):
 I am sorry that you did not receive an answer earlier. and I do hope that your relationship with your guy is going well.
And I do hope he has become more affectionate? however perhaps he is a very spiritual man who likes to think deeply? Are you naturally more demonstrative than him? Some of us are demonstrative and some other people are very contained. It does not make one right and one wrong. And difference is not bad. People who care about each other can still have entirely different outlooks. Such difference can even be complementary.
However perhaps his upbringing and his family lore have made him more introspective?
I found the followomg very simply written (perhaps too simple for you? on the Chockawar. it is only a basic outline in case you want to learn more?
http//www.bigorrin.org/choctaw_kids.htm
Sometimes it is not you, and not personal. Other people often have a myriad of experiences and considerations. And at least he in comfortable about being himself with you - and being himself sometimes may be Mr introspective. Maybe that is just who he is?
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