A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Iv known this guy im seeing for nearly 2 years and have been reasonably close friends during this time. We used to see each other when we first met but he wasnt over his ex so just decided to be friends. We have both recently ended very short term relationships that werent working out. We have always been attracted to each other and whenever we see each other there is a strong connection between us. (His words). We have been seeing each other for a month now and things have been really good. Hes been making all the first moves txting me and making plans but for the last week, even though hes been keen to spend time with me, he hasnt been as affectionate physically, or with words like he usually was. And he cant look me in the eye for long and looks down. I dont know if hes being cold towards me or just weirdly nervous or shy all of a sudden. Hes fine when hes drunk but when hes sober hes a little standoffish. I want to be with him but I dont think he will commit to me cause hes last relationship ended because he missed his freedom and she was controlling. Iv told him id never be like that but he still wont communicate how hes feeling. (emotionally distant a bit). We are usually so open with each other but I dont want to bring it up and scare him off. I think he might have a bit of commitment phobia. Thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for your advice, it was really helpful. I decided to back off and try to move on. Hes been working out of town and is only back some weekends. I havent seen him in 3 weeks but hes txted me to ask how I am. Yesterday he randomly said he misses me and was thinking about me all weekend which came as a shock after him being so distant for a while. Then I told him how I feel about him and he said he likes that I feel that way about him then he said he shouldnt lead me on but hes liked me for ages, he just cant get the wanting to be single thing out of his mind. He said maybe one day we will give it a go before its 2 late. Then I told him im just waiting for something thatll never happen pretty much and he said maybe we are meant to be together and iv seen it and hes just gotta wake up. Im not counting on him actually giving us a chance. Im confused as to why hes suddenly telling me how he feels when hes been weird lately.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 July 2012):
 You say he is making all the moves and all the plans, maybe he feels you are not in to it as much as he is therefore he is backing off a bit. If you two want to have a proper relationship then you both need to start communicating and talking more to each other in order for it to work. Have you told him how you feel and how much you like him? You just need to be honest with him about how you feel. It might take some time for him to let his guard down a bit, as it sounds like he has been hurt in the past and it might just take him a while to be fully open with you.
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