A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. A couple of months ago he asked me to attend his mother's birthday dinner (big family gathering at a restaurant) this upcoming weekend. I declined because I couldn't take time off from work. But I got laid off from my job this Friday, so him and I decided I can spare the time to visit him while I begin my search online for a new job. Usually it takes a week or two after submitting my resume before I hear back from companies to schedule interviews. So, it would be an ideal trip to visit him and attend his mother's burthday dinner. I said I do not have the money to pay for the plane ticket because I lost my job and haven't received my final paycheck yet. He offered to buy my ticket while I offered to buy his mother a nice birthday gift on behalf of us both. All this talk happened Friday. He didn't buy my ticket on Friday. On Saturday he negotiated with me, asking to split the ticket with he. I said I can pay him back half of the cost of the ticket once I recieve my final paycheck (usually within 3 business days). On Saturday the ticket cost $550. He still didn't buy the ticket. On Sunday, I told him that we should think about cancelling the trip because the price has gone up to $650. He got upset and asked me why I couldn't pay for the ticket first and HE will reimburse me. I reminded him that I don't have the money and haven't gotten paid yet and our deal was he would pay for the ticket first and I will pay him back in 3 days when I receive my final paycheck. He still didn't buy the ticket. Then Sunday night he said he will send me $300 so I can go buy the ticket. I was so frustrated that I just hung up on him. Now he is saying that I'm acting up and being difficult. I have always paid my own airfare when visiting him and have been more than generous to him and his family. I asked for his help this time because I lost my job, and am willing to split the ticket as well as buy his mother a nice birthday gift, which to be honest, will all equate to the sane amount as if I were to buy the ticket myself. Why is he like this????
View related questions:
long distance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Katbug  +, writes (18 September 2018):
 Maybe he is more interested in the relationship if you are putting forward all the money for flights and traveling to him, for a fun trip and sex. However, when he has to put forward in a relationship that he doesn't think will actually workout in the long run, he won't spend the money.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (17 September 2018):
 I don’t think he wants to admit that he can’t afford the ticket.
He made a promise to pay and upon checking his finances realised that he can’t pay for it and is trying to stall to save face. He knows you’re in a little financial difficulty at the moment yet is still not understanding the situation. Is he a cheapskate in other areas?
If he asks again, inform him that you won’t be coming as you cannot afford it and that’s the end of the matter. Honeypie made a good suggestion with the flowers and if you feel the need could drop her a little message to say sorry that you can’t attend the dinner as you’re out of work if you feel the need. Even if her son doesn’t understand what’s going on then I’m sure his mother will and should appreciate the flowers.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2018):
 Because he doesn't have the money... or he doesn't want to SPEND the money on you.
He isn't listening to what y u are saying. You TOLD him that you could pay for half ONCE you got your final paycheck, yet he is asking you to buy it and he reimburse you... so to me it sounds like he isn't listening to you at all.
Also you mention that you have ALWAYS (before now) paid for your own ticket, so has HE visited you and paid for his?
My advice, SKIP this trip, save that 1/2 airfare, you might need it if the job hunt isn't as fast as you might hope.
Send his mom some lovely flowers for her birthday (but don't go crazy on the cost) IF you can afford it. If not, find her a lovely card and mail it snail-mail.
And then consider if he really is a good fit. And if he is, then you two might want to consider HOW you make this a NOT long distance thing.
I don't think he did anything wrong per se, but he shouldn't have OFFERED to buy the ticked if he either couldn't afford or didn't WANT to spend the money. Then he should just have been honest with you and told you that he can't afford it. Instead off all these... negotiations. It makes everything seem so transactional.
...............................
|
