A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is dating a middle aged man so hard? He's 43 and I'm 30. He doesn't call much but when he does, its a 2 hour chat. He calls only once or twice a week. When we go out, its an all day outing. I've told him we can hang out for only a couple of hours instead of waiting until we both have an entire day off. Also, he is not that into sex. The first time I slept over after 3 months of dating, he didn't want to do anything but hug. I thought it was unusual. I am coming out of an 8 year relationship so maybe I don't have enough info about dating, especially older men. I think we have a lot of chemistry and he says he wants to be with me but wants to make sure we are both ready. He is coming out of a 2 year relationship. We have been talking for almost 5 months now. Is this normal? I'm afraid of getting my hopes up and being hurt by him.
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female
reader, Sunset_texas +, writes (10 September 2011):
I agree with another poster, he sounds most likely, still legally married (no matter if he lives with his wife or not).
I think you already have doubts about his in your mind. Your best shot is to check him out right now. Google his name, at very good chance, you will find his relatives and family. There are several websites, you likely could find his social life, Faccebook, Twitter, Myspace, etc.
I am not telling to check others' privacy info, but you have rights to look up all info saved as public records and was chosed to publish online, by him or by his family.
I am at your age, and I was trapped in a realtionship with an older man for about 1 year. I was in beleives that he is divorced as he told me. We live in two cities with 4 hour driving, so I didn't suspect about frequency of seeing each other. But I casually heard from his boss that he was off at the day that he told me he supposed travel to East Coast, so I had very 1st doubt, and google him, and discovered more, inc., his wife's FB, his step family's FB, etc. He has been in married with his SECOND wife all the times, and having family life with his extended family all the times, and presenting as loving husband, grand dude to his step-grandchildren all the times. It took me months to find out the truth, and took me even longer to make my mind.
So nothing hurt to check him out and be sure what you are dealing with, before you get into worse position, it hurts....deeply.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): Sounds like this middle aged man is married....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Dating middle aged men isnt so hard. Its still boy meets girl at the end of the day. But it sounds as if this guy is carving out time slots for you. And that is very suspicious. How far out of his two year relationship is he? Because he sounds as if he is treating you like the 'other woman'.
Is most of your contact by computer or text because quite frankly, you would expect more after half a year of knowing someone who WANTS to be with you. Why not start calling him when you want to rather than waiting for him to call you. See if he answers. Or ignores your calls and comes up with excuses. Suggest going over to his home sometimes for short visits and see if he is agreeable or makes excuses.
Calling him and visiting his place are NORMAL things to do when you are in a relationship with someone. If he won't allow you to do those things then something is seriously wrong. Either he is not really interested in you and wasting your time. Or he is already in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 September 2011):
 Based on your posting, this sounds a bit unusual to me - but some guys (and gals) can be different. That can be a good thing, but may also be suspicious.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (1 September 2011):
I'm a believer in taking things slowly myself, but the way the OP describes this relationship it sounds much too slow for an adult relationship. Honestly, this is how I'd expect a school age, first-love kind of relationship to start out. This guy is a little older than I am, as I'm 35, but that's not a huge gap. Why is he apparently disinterested in sex? That's the question. In a way it is romantic that you spent the night the first time and didn't have sex... but I also find it unusual. At 43 the average guy is still VERY sexually active.After 5 months he's only calling once or twice a week? You only ever hang out in all day situations? Yea, that's not normal. I can't really speculate what the issues are here, I can only say that after 5 months he still isn't attached to you. If he had feelings and was thinking of you often, he'd want to see you more, or at the very least talk to you more. He'd certainly want to have sex with a much younger woman, which you are. So something sounds off to me. I wish I could give better advice than just "be careful", but unfortunately there's no way of knowing why this guy is staying distant. So, do what you need to do to protect yourself, because this man isn't committing to you just yet.Best of luck!
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