A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am sorry ahead of time for how long this is going to be, but I am totally at a lost.....Me and my ex meet online 4 yrs ago. He totally swept me off my feet. We dated online for over a year, seeing each other on weekends etc. After a year, I moved me and my kids to be with him. 5 hrs away from my family and everyone I ever knew. After moving I realized he wasnt exactly what he appeared to be. He didnt hold a job, wouldnt help pay the bills, was very controlling but in a way that you dont even realize it at first. Before I knew it, I basically had no contact with my family, my kids were miserable, I was finacially ruined, and found out I had a std because he cheated on me with his ex wife! I forgave him (stupid I know) and he seemed to really try to do better but before long he was cheating again online with a girl in Texas and planning on going to meet her. He says I am the problem. That I was to controlling, didnt trust him, and pushed him away. Yes I didnt trust him, because of all the lies and cheating. So we broke up. After 3 long miserable years I finally got enough courage and moved out on my own. It was so hard because I was here with my kids and no one around to help me, but I was determined to make a break, that my kids deserved better. I couldnt say I deserved better because I was so beaten down emotionally that I didnt believe it.He kept contacting me. Texting, calling, telling me he was sorry and realized I was what he wanted. I would start talking to him and letting my guard down because some crazy part of me wanted to believe him. Then when I would start letting him back, he would treat me like crap again. I would tell him to leave me alone, but he would keep calling and texting and I would let him back in my heart again. This has been going on and on for months. Until yesterday and he texted me out of the blue to tell me he was seeing someone else and preceeded to tell me she was beautiful, and could turn him on and he didnt have to close his eyes with her to keep from getting naucious! That crushed me! Why does he have this need to make me trust him to just beat me down again? And why in the world do I always give in and let him contact me and start believing in him again? Its like an addiction and I dont know how to stop. I cant quit crying, and I feel like I am worthless and no one will ever want me.I use to be a smart woman, strong and independent and confident but I am nothing now......
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a break, broke up, cheated on me, crush, ex-wife, his ex, moved out, my ex, std, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (17 August 2009):
 I have been down the same road you are on, and it was the most painful experience of my life. You are definitely involved with a narcissist. These people thrive on the chase, the seduction and then the destruction of their prey. They repeat the cycle over and over again, and they do it because it gives them pleasure to see just how much you will take and how skillful they are in being able to lure you back in just to do it over again. The exact same thing happened to me, and I am still having a hard time not answering the calls or text messages. Take the good advice of the other poster who told you to change your e-mail account, phone number and everything else. These narcissists are sly and very clever, and as long as they have a way to get to you, they will. These people are the most abusive and quite frankly dangerous people around. Avoid him, honey. It is a kind of addiction, but you can end it by stopping contact.I wish you all the best. And, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Dont' goggle it Google it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Goggle Narcissistic Personality Disorder and read everything you can on that.....he sounds like a classic.
Google Abusive Relationships, Verbal Abuse, How to recover from an abusive relationship.
Get yourself into therapy with a good psychotherapist who deals with abusive relationships and learn how to heal your heart and get your life back on track.
Change your phone number, your email and change the locks on your door (I am serious, he could be violent or steal from you) and stop contacting him or speaking to him today.
The longer you allow him in your life, the worse off you will be....and your kids deserve a Mom who can be there for herself so she can be there for them.
Take care, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 You going back to him, will only add more fuel to the way you are feeling now. You can still be that smart, independant and confident woman, if you have nothing to do with this self indulgent and egotistical little jerk.You owe it to your children, they need stabillity and a loving environment. it would be unfair if you continue to let this man be in and out of their lives. The greatest love you can ever have, are your children, your family and friends. Not some shallow pathetic excuse of a man, who has no respect or consideration for your feelings. Trust me you can make it on your own, be strong and find the courage to make a better and more fulfilling life for you and your kids. Good luck and keep us all posted hear on Cupid x.
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