A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just want to ask what is up with me, latly i have just lost interest in sex altogether, I mean, i just dont enjoy it, When me and my bf first started having sex it was more or less an everyday thing, we both enjoyed it, i must admit him more than me, but none the less i still enjoyed it. But lately i just have no interest in sex with my bf, id rather hug kiss, watch a movie lay down and talk but when all i want to do is kiss he goes in for more, and its like i jsut dont WANT to have sex. i jsut dont want to. i dont no why either, i jst have no sex drive any more, or i do its jsut REALLY low. I am on the pill and that can lower your sex drive and iv been on it 3 months now and its latley that iv been feeling like this so, maybe thats why.But i just dont enjoy sex with him i just dont enjoy it, since my last period 2 weeks ago, we have had sex 3 times, and thats not becasue i wanted it i did it because i didnt want him to go off me. and everytime, i noticed myself wishing it would just end, hoping that he would just finish up. wispering to my self i really jsut dont like it. I dont understand why, honestly what is up with me!My friend said maybe its not SEX that you dont like maybe its just because of how your having sex, maybe its the person giving you it. He is the only person i have ever slept with, so i wouldnt know what it was like to have sex with anybody else.My friend said i should get out there and experiment with new relationships get into other lads, and maybe with other lads i will have better sex. But im not going to break up with my boyfriend because of this, I am not with him for sex i am with him because i love him more than anything else in whole world i wouldnt even dream of losing him because of this.I just want to no whats up with me ?Thanks for any answers xx
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period, sex drive, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Sex drives vary throughout one's lifetime, with ups and downs dependent upon many factors - medication, stress, being tired, and more.
You mention being on the pill, and this may well be the key. Even though it's been 3 months and it's only recently that you've lost your drive, the hormones in each brand of pill work differently and there are medications that can take up to three months to have a full effect (anti-depressants come to mind). If lowered sex drive is, indeed, one of the side-effects of this pill, I suggest contacting your physician and asking for a change to another pill. Sometimes one pill's side-effects are stronger in one person than another.
Also, your friend may not be so far off. It may well be that, now that the newness of the relationship has worn off, you're not so interested in him anymore. While most people won't ever consider following this advice, it's quite wise to NOT add sex to a new relationship until you're more sure that the relationship is solid without it. If you had sex with him right off, then perhaps that was really the only thing holding you two together, and perhaps now it IS time to move on.
On the other hand, if sex has become routine, you may consider spicing it up. Trying new toys, new positions, etc. can breath new life to your sexual experiences.
Finally, and this would be the part you don't want to hear, but you note your age as 16-17. Obviously, I don't know you or your situation, but having raised a few children of my own and having been a 16-year-old girl once, I can tell you that you're awfully young to (1) be in a sexual relationship in the first place and (2) to have a loss of sex drive that's not medically related.
At 16, you're not emotionally mature enough to truly deal with all of things that sex brings to a relationship. I realize that you don't think this is so, but it is. If you're not able to speak with a parent - and I'm guessing you're not since you're posting on a board - consider speaking with your doctor. My money is on the pill causing you this angst.
Good luck to you.
P.S. I conceived my first child while on the pill. I hope you're using something in addition to the pill and not depending on it 100 percent for birth control and taking care to use condoms to prevent STDs.
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