A
male
age
41-50,
*.e heartbreak
writes:Ive been with my girl for about 6mos. we decided to move together. now im able to see that alot of her old flings still text and call. at first i didnt mind her talking to guys, but now she hides the fact that dudes call and text her. she admitted that shes lied about txts so i wouldnt think she was cheating. wtf?i told her that she must be responding becausethey keep contacting her. im a nice looking guy and i could have ho*s like crazy but i have cut off every chick..why hasent she cut anybody off? we are around eachother alot but she wworks overnight..i am so suspicous of her messing around that i find myself looking thru her phone when she sleeps! yes she says she loves me..blahblahblah..but how can she still entertain other dudes that wanna f*ck her? im feeling so insecure..dont believe in cheating..dont wanna leave her. what do i do about not felling like i trust her even though we communicate very well? i have no evidence of her gettn out there either! it driven me to tell my business to u all! crazy?
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male
reader, nice breeze  +, writes (21 February 2011):
I can feel your frustration. I've been through this with an ex. Even if you tell her to stop it and she agrees she's just going to resent you for it and do it behind your back. At the same time you clearly can't live with it but im sure your not prepared to let her go because of this.
You know sometimes the only way to communicate something to someone is by allowing them to experience it. Perhaps if you started to maintain contact with girls you've had a past with or at least pretend to, then she will know how u feel. I'm sure she won't like it and then you have a bargaining chip. Tell her you can either both keep in contact with these people or both stop contact. That's fair.
The bad thing about her being in contact with these guys is that in all relationships there comes a time where you have arguments or misunderstandings such as your girlfriend thinking something happened with you and another girl when it didn't and at these times of vulnerability she'll turn to these guys shes kept in contact with and there's a high chance something will happen. She always has a backup guy incase she needs it. And by the time she realise's she had no reason to be mad its too late. Hope you manage to sort it out. Goodluck bro
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): There's nothing you can do about it at all so you either learn to accept she is this way or you don't but you can't keep this up.
You can't force her to stop talking to these guys and you really should stop snooping and making a big deal out of it (if possible).
As the previous poster stated she's just one of these girls that likes the attention she gets from these guys. She likes to feel desired and by lots of guys. That sucks for you because frankly the only person she should want that kind of attention from is you.
In all honesty I think you're screwed, the previous poster said that if you were the one she wouldn't be doing this, that is very true. You see you're stuck because the more of a deal you make out of this the sweeter these other guys look. The fact that she puts so much importance in having these guys drool over her that she was willing to lie to you to protect that kind of contact means she's perfectly happy risking your relationship just so these guys won't go away.
The only advice I can give you is to talk to her about it and try and come up with a solution together. I hate to say it but I've never had much success dating girls that did that. I could never get over that they were maintaining this level of intimacy with guys we both knew were only talking to them to get into their knickers. You see that kind of girl never sees a problem in it, if they did they wouldn't be doing it in the first place. So they always throw out the trust card. Tell you that you wouldn't have a problem with it if you trust them etc. But how can you trust a person who feeds others interest in them and lies about it too? You see in her logic it doesn't matter that they wanna fuck her because she "won't" do anything about it. But she's already going too far by maintaining and feeding their interest in her.
Above all though the worst thing about all this is that she is actively keeping her options open. The biggest reason she is keeping these guys going is not the ego boost she gets from their rabid desire, it's not the attention, it's the fact she's keeping her options open. A woman who is fully committed doesn't do that. A woman who is fully committed would not feel comfortable being friends with guys she knows want to have sex with her she just wouldn't let that happen and the easiest way to do that is to distance herself from them. Just like you did.
You see you got rid of that kind of contact with other girls because you wanted to commit fully and ensure that something like that would not be a problem, you would not risk the relationship by doing that. She doesn't share that sentiment. Because you know what? Those guys are important enough for her to risk hurting you, in fact her relationship to them is more important than you are because she has lied to protect them. She's keeping it a secret so you won't ask her to stop because really doesn't want to lose those guys and it doesn't matter to her that she's losing you because of that.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Don’t force her to lie to you. That’s exactly what you’re doing! Your relationship is fairly new, and the going through her phone is a NO-NO! You have no evidence of her cheating. She likes the attention! Honestly, when a woman meets a man that she’s completely into she won’t even answer those text messages! Maybe you’re not the one. And by you going through her phone, shows a sign of insecurity, that’s a big turn-off! Who is she spending time with? You. So chill out and let whatever is going to happen, happen. Even if that means you’re not the one, you can’t stop what’s meant to be!
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