A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex for 9years. We broke up a year ago. When we first broke up it didn't feel real and I was actually OK.. my friends said i was too OK. I went on 3 holidays in a row..went on loads of dates and went out partying most nights. I was fine and enjoying myself. It kind of felt like the breakup wasn't happening. Last few months though I've broken down in tears at random times and I dont know why...met another guy I actually liked and he turned round and said he doesnt want a relationship...it hurt so much..more than it should. I felt devastated actually. I now feel very alone. Its like everything has hit me. Not just because of the guy I was dating but everything. Ive realised how not ok I am. I dont want to be in the place I am living..im far away from all my family. Im really unhappy. My friends I was going out with are now settling down or have moved away so I don't see them as much and obviously covid played its part and didn't see people much. I feel lonely. I dont regret the breakup but I miss having someone. I feel like I've got to start my whole life again and I dont know where to start. I guess I'd pinned hopes on this new guy and he made me laugh and he was someone to talk to every day and go out with and i enjoyed his company but now he's gone i just feel alone. I liked his morning texts and chatting to him about my day. My ex and I had been unhappy for a while and he made me feel worthless but this guy made me feel special and I felt happy with him..something I hadn't felt in a while with my ex. I think I was too clingy with this new guy..he didnt say that but I think i was and im mad at myself for it. I feel a year on since the breakup im not coping. I was ok when it first happened but now I feel sad. It didn't feel real when breakup first happened then I felt angry and hated my ex now I dont hate him or feel angry...i dont want want him back and I dont regret the breakup but I feel sad about it. I feel like I should have met someone else by now and I should of rebuilt my life in a year but I feel ive gone backwards. All my friends are in relationships and pregnant or engaged whereas I dont even know where I want to live or what I want in life. I feel really unmotivated to get out of bed. All I do is work and sleep. Shouldn't I be totally fine a year on and why was I so ok in beginning and now its like its just hit me.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 October 2020):
 I think after a break up we go through different levels of emotions. At first you felt anger, hatred, now you don't hate him or feel angry which means you have come to terms with the break up and are ready to move on.
Stop setting yourself limits and timeframes saying you should be here at this time or that time, or should be in a relationship now etc. Accept where you are right now, like each and everyone of us you have a past, and that's where you should leave it now, in the past and move forward with your life.
I think that before we start dating again we have to be 100% free of past relationships, at one with ourselves, and feel happy in our own skin. I feel that the relationship you had with the guy after your nine year relationship, you was not ready, and he could probably pick up on this so he decided not to take it further with you.
Time is the healer of all things, accept you had a lenthy relationship, it never worked out so now place that relationship in a box and send it downstream and look towards the future with positivity and optimism.
Feel happy in your own skin and learn to love yourself again. Do things that make your heart sing, things that bring you happiness and joy.
You will certainly find your perfect relationship for sure, but only when you detach yourself from the past and love yourself again. I believe we live in a vibrational universe, and we attract people and circumstances who are on the same vibrational frequency as we are. So if your coming from a place love and happiness, then you will attract someone on the same frequency as you are.
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