A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a twenty four year old lesbian that has recently fallen head over heels in love with someone that is, to be frank, not interested! Obviously, this is not the first time I have fallen victim to unrequited love, this time, however, it is slightly different.I met her a few months ago on a dating site and we hit it off immediately; it was as if we had known each other for years! It wasn't long before we were emailing twice a day, sometimes more. I have to say, when I joined the site, I was only looking for friendship (I have just come out of a heterosexual marriage, and the man in question is still causing me problems!) and I expressed this explicitly in my profile. We discussed everything; past relationships, friends, poetry, art, music, philosophy even (!!) However, it became apparent that both she and I were developing feelings for each other, although she was the one that eventually brought it up. We agreed to meet and had a wonderful day! When we met, we really did nothing at all other than talk and walk for hours. We both commented that time seemed to fly by and as the day progressed it was clear that we had even more in common than we had previously thought. I have never been so comfortable with someone, especially on a first meeting, a sentiment she whole heartedly agreed with. When we parted, she text me immediately to say that she regretted not kissing me, told me how beautiful I looked and said that she couldn't wait to meet me again. The following day, I wrote to her suggesting some dates and although she responded to the email in general terms, she did not commit herself to a date. This continued for a few days until I eventually asked why, having said that she couldn't wait to meet me, she had not agreed to a date, despite contacting me and telling me she adored me. The response I received was short and simply stated that she needed some time to answer that. I was left for two days, hearing nothing, having previously spoken to her (via one medium or another) several times a day. Eventually, I heard from her and, in a nutshell, she said that although she would like to remain friends, she did not want to see me again as a 'potential partner'. I was heartbroken, although of course, respected her wishes and her reasons. I have to say, although I was hurt, had it ended there, I think things would have been fine, however, she has spent the last few weeks blowing hot and cold with me. One moment I am her very best friend, the next her lover (although only through words; we have not met again), the next she will ignore me and occasionally laugh at me or even resort to cruelty (via facebook; there have been two occasions of this kind of thing; I asked her about them in an email and although she gave me no explanation, she promptly removed the posts). I am at the stage now where, although for some reason I still totally adore her, I know it would be crazy to ever be a relationship with this woman, however, I am in so deep that I really do not want to lose her from my life. She insists that we are still good friends, and has stopped saying anything that could be constituted as romantic and I am happy for things to be this way, (she really is more wonderful than the picture I have painted here!) However, I need to start getting over her, as I am hurting and I do not want to risk losing her all together. I would love to ask her why she has treated me like this, but I am afraid of risking our friendship... could anyone please advise me as to why she may have behaved in this way and how I can get over her so that I can get on with my life and continue to be friends with this woman?
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female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I got to say wow that was a long question! lol.
Well i certainly cant claim to know why another person does anything but i can atleast tell you my ideas, she is not the first person to acy like this and she will not be the last! Some people do not know their own mind and believe they want one thing when actually they may want another or another not so plesant option is she may have met someone else or not want a relationship with anyone, only she knows this.
What i do know is messing you about and even been cruel is something she can control and is just not an acceptable way to treat someone, in my opinion i think she enjoys the attention and enjoys knowing that you like her and this is why she blows hot and cold with you. You will not be able to get over her if you remain friends, its as simple as that, every time you start to get over her she will give you false hope only to take it away again.
It is off course up to you but you need to decided what is more important to you, been friends with the girl, or been happy within yourself. you deserve better than this treatment.
i hope this helps and please tell me how things go. =]
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