A
male
age
36-40,
*tuntssilvia
writes:so my wife says that she doesnt feel the same way about me as she did. we have been married 2 years and she said she has felt this way basically since our 1 year old daughter was born. any advice Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Well thanks Aunt's, your comments were an eye opener for me. All those emotions a woman feels before and after a child ... I had no clue! I've always heard that it was a huge joy for a woman, something most women look forward to. I now understand we both have similar fears and feelings. I know the feelings I had back then, and they to were overwhelming.
My current status, I feel like everyone needs or wants something from me, and the descriptions you provided on how she has someone dependent on her 24/7, I now understand the pressures my wife must have felt back then. I guess she was to tired to express those feelings to me.
This is a subject for a long discussion between woman and man and how to help each other through it.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 I suspect that your young wife is exhausted. It happens to a lot of young mothers. We suddenly have our world turn upside down. Our bodies change drastically, then we give birth to a small little creature who occupies our thoughts 24/7. After spending a lifetime growing up and becoming independent, suddenly we have someone dependent on us for absolutely everything. Our minds turn to mush because nature has a way of making the focus of our attention this baby that we gave birth to, we get "Momzheimers". We get our physical and tactile fill from handling and cuddling this child all day and all night, especially those of us that nurse and become "human pacifiers". It is TOTALLY OVERWHELMING.
Having said that, she needs to be romanced and reminded where her primary relationship is, with you, as a couple. Sex is a huge bond, a very important part of your relationship. She is probably missing all of that right now, she's just too tired and exhausted to remember it all with her new role. If you want to get back into a normal pattern and get her to spark again, start pitching in and taking up the slack. Do everything without even asking. Right now, she doesn't even feel like she has time for a hot cup of coffee for herself, let alone a whole 20 minutes for sex. If you were to do the laundry and pick up the living room without asking, that's freeing up her time for a little attention for YOU. Don't let the dishes sit on the counter! Phone and offer to bring home dinner. Get up every once in a while and do a night shift with the baby. I know it's exhausting, but if you let her be the only one who is exhausted, well, you are seeing the effects. You are in this together. It will improve with time, and making this a team effort will bond the two of you more than ever.
Her sexual desires will pick up. After my second child, I was much more interested in sex, and women hit their peak in their 30's (and past that), so I'm sure that most of her problem right now is extreme tiredness and focusing on your baby. If you show her that you love her all over again by tackling this new role as "SuperDad", AND romance her, I'm sure that she will come around. Take advantage of ALL of your babysitters, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and get her OUT OF THE HOUSE - AWAY from the baby for a night every other week or so. She needs to remember herself and the reason why she had this baby - YOU!!!
I know it's tough work, but it's all worth it, and it does get easier. Congratulations, by the way!
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