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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello friends. I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have always had a good time experimenting with each other sexually. We have a good bond and have connected from the get go. And we have also had stellar chemistry and a great sexual relationship.But lately he seems to have slowed down. We used to do bondage, role play and all sorts of scenarios. Last week we had a special night planned together as he has been busy with work and school and we have not had quality time. We spent the day in bed like John and Yoko. lol But needed a catch up. We had sex and we were experimenting and he tied my arms and legs to the bed post. (sorry if this is a touch x-rated). We then began role playing. He did not want to continue. He stopped mid way through and said it did not feel right. He used to spank me on the bottom. He tried to and stopped. I was good to go. As per usual. But he abandoned ship. I am somewhat worried that he did this. As he has always enjoyed animalistic, experimental sex. We also make love. But he said he wanted to make love to me that night. I don't understand why the switch?What are you opinions about that? I sometimes worry that he has slowed down because he is going elsewhere? And I wonder if someone else is now fulfilling his bondage fantasies and he is laying off them with me? I am feeling a bit insecure lately. I trust him but we have not had as much time together as usual and my thoughts tend to race. They say changes in behaviour should be concerning. I did talk to him and he said that it did not feel right that night and that he wanted to make love to me. He has not been as communicative lately either and in my mind seems more distant. Therefore my worries have surfaced. He swears everything is okay and nothing has changed.Please help. I am not certain what to make of this.Thank you. xo
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 I do understand why you are worried. But it sounds to me that he has probably been stressed if he has been busy and he just wanted some intimacy between you and him and no role playing. It sounds like he wanted it to be meaningful. I think you might be over thinking this. If you can trust him then I wouldn't automatically think he is cheating.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017): Maybe he wanted you to play the role of yourself and him to play himself- at that point of time :)I get where you're coming from when you say he might be cheating. Are you worried that he's 'making love' with you to make up for having kinky sex with someone else, thus making your relationship seem more 'meaningful' than his one time with somebody else? Unfortunately, that is quite twisted. So you cannot just start doubting him. For all you know he might have just gotten tired of the kinky stuff or was in need of some emotional uplift with some intense love making type of sex? the only way to find out is by staying calm and watch out for other signs, without hinting that you have developed suspicions.Is he the type of guy that would stoop to cheating, playing around etc.?
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (29 December 2016):
 Sounds like an amazing relationship. And he probably is stressed outside of the relationship, whether its work or family issues. It sounds like right there with you, he just wanted to be himself and not role play. He wanted to be made love to and held. Not all DOM men are always dom, if he respects and also loves you out of bed, right then and there he stopped because he wanted you to comfort him. Stop thinking about the animal sex and start thinking that --My babe is hurting. He needs me, what can I do make him feel better?Ive been there in bed where I wanted my man to go harder or etc but sometimes I can feel it when my man had long day at work, hes stressed, something happened earlier that evening that he cant shake it off----and he needs me to just be there and watch video games or movies and laugh and have slow time. He didnt want sex, and that time is usually more meaningful than any animal sex we could have.Slow down, stop thinking about only your P, and listen to your man. Hes crying out for some compassion and if hes someone youve known for long time, your the only person he wants to be close to right now. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (29 December 2016):
 Believe it or not experimenting can become passée. The fact that he wanted to make love to YOU is a beautiful thing. At least that is how it seems in your story. Sex can be a truly transcendent experience not just a massive release of hormones. Go with it and see where it leads.
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