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female
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*RA
writes: I am 22 yrs old, and my fiance is 39. Im white/indian, and he is black. Lately he has been very controlling, no talking on the phone, or seeing my male friends. What is his problem?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): He feels insecure in this relationship. He can't trust your male friends nor you! Has he ever met and established a good social friendship with your male friends, dear? Or is he left in the dark, wondering who these guys are. If so, you need to work hard to reassure him. Many of us have cross gender friendships, with no backlash from our lifemates but the one crucial commonality to achieving that? We have an unfailing, enduring respect for the feelings of our love partner, in order for them to continue building the trust in our relationship. The best way to help a 'jealous' partner is to always get them involved with your friendships.. and make an important point, of having them meet, socialize and spend time with you and your male friends.
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (4 October 2006):
 I agree with xAngeliquex it does sound like jealousy or fear of losing you therefore stopping you from mixing with male friends what he doesn't realise is he has more chance of losing you like this than leaving you to carry on your friendships, if your going to cheat your going to do it whether he worries or not.
You need to talk to him and make him see how you feel about him and what the relationship means to you.
Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, xAngeliquex  +, writes (3 October 2006):
 How long have you and your fiance been together? His controlling ways sound like he could be quite insecure about your relationship...Maybe because he's afraid of losing you to somebody younger perhaps? Because there is quite a large age-gap. That's pretty normal for older partners to feel that way, even if you reassure them they are safe.
By not letting you see your male friends..well it's pretty obvious that he doesn't have that trust for you. He may say he does, but honestly if he did then he WOULD let you see your male friends by all means.
Have you spoken about it to him, reassured him that there is no reason to feel insecure in your relationship? Just make sure you don't yell about it or complain - because at the end of the day, he loves you. Remember that.
xAngex
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