A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for about 3 weeks. In that last week, we had sex. This is something I've never, ever done before (ever!) so I can't believe I slept with him so quickly. But I did, and things kind of fizzled out after that. We haven't seen each other again (it's been about a week now) and we just had a couple text conversations and that's it.I figured, "Well, I guess that's all he wanted from the beginning. This was his plan all along. It's over" As long as I don't find out I'm pregnant or something, I'm not too concerned and it's not a big deal for me to start moving on.But I am just kind of confused: During those three weeks, he told all of his friends about me (even those living out of state) and even his family. I even met some of them. I also know that he told many of them that I was his girlfriend, though we never had that conversation. He even told a family member (who I'm friends with) that "something is different about her and I really like her." When we hung out, he would talk about plans that were months down the line.My question is: Why go through the trouble of introducing me to friends, talking about me all the time, making plans for the future, etc. if this was all meant to be a fling?I know guys will do/say anything in order to sleep with you, but isn't it out of the ordinary for his entire network of friends and family to know who I am when this wasn't going to go anywhere? I've never experienced this.I'd love to ask him this myself because I'm so curious, but I am guessing I probably shouldn't bother contacting him again. What's your guys' take?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 September 2016):
 Sire, please keep us updated. Chin up and... be safe ( which - I think you agree by now - may include also do not
" help " yourself too much through alcohool :). Good luck !
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cindy, I won't let it dent my confidence. I am sure I probably dodged a bullet by having this happen now rather than when I was more attached to him.I think the most frustrating part about it is the "ghosting" aspect - if he didn't want to continue things he should just say it right to me!I know, it was a HUGE mistake. A mistake that I made with the help of alcohol, insecurity and a false sense of security.However, it wasn't unprotected sex. We used a condom, but at one point the condom slipped off... so there's the risk and my concern.And even though I am relatively late to the game (I just had my first kiss 2 years ago), I still take total responsibility for my part in this. I mean I'm the one of all of my friends who always reminds them to be smart, safe, and also to wait for sex... I truly don't know what came over me that night.Yes, going to hope for the best. Maybe my regret is just making me more worried than I actually need to be. I can give an update if interested. Thank you!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 September 2016):
Now OP do not let this episode dent your confidence . It was your first time, and I am sure that Michaelangelo was not that good as a painter the very first time he picked up a brush. As you notice, sexual compatibility is built with time and patience more than just be there by magic - you met someone who was a dickhead AND also a selfish, impatient lover.
I must wag my finger at you, though, OP. " That's how my life tends to works. Ha " ?...
Double ha to you, OP :)- that's how YOU tend to work.
Is it your first time, you basically don't know the guy from Adam , and you have unprotected sex with him ??
There's not just the risk of pregnancy, there's also the risk of catching some nasty sexual disease . Don't play Russian roulette with your health just because some guy whom you just met tells you " we'll do this and we'll do that together ". And, get organized with contracception ( the pill or whichever other reliable method you like ) BEFORE you have sex next time, not after. If you were 16 or 18 I could sort of justify this " overwiew ", but at your age , OP, no sorry, you are old enough to understand that how your life turns out depends a lot from your choices - and if you make crappy choices, then possibly crappy things will show up in your life.
Let's hope for the best and that you are just worrying over nothing - but if it turns out to be so, as I wish you , - please learn your lesson from this !
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both of your input. You guys are probably right: I know for a fact that the sex wasn't amazing because it was my first time having intercourse! I'd never done more than oral before that night. But he knew this already and so that's why I figured he should know that it isn't going to be great at first, but with time and practice it'll get better.He's a jerk. And it was the perfect storm of me feeling insecure about myself so I just let it happen when it was clearly too soon.I'm just paranoid now that I might be pregnant. That's how my life tends to work. Ha.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2016): I agree with CindyCares, really sorry sweetie, but men and women also seek amazing sex. I have met many men but slept with very few. The few I did sleep with...even after a few great dates or feelings of strong attraction, if the sex was below par, not passionate or I find out hes a anxious/bad performer/not very experience or engaging or unable to learn/lazy lover, I actually lose 90% of my initial interest. I will respond less to texts and pretty much feel very unenthusiastic about seeing them again. If we are more seriuos (2-3 months of dating) I would meet to end things. If it wasnt serious, only a few dates I think a proper call is a good way to end things. I think since you have many questions, he should at least meet to tell you why. But I have a hunch the sex wasnt stellar..=( really sorry to even say such a thing. Most women think that men only seek sex then leave but its actually that the men pursue hard only to find out the woman is bad at sex or is a selfish lover and he does the fade instead of being upfront.People have different expectations, always best to be surprise than let down. But he should at least have the integrity to end things gently. Hang in there. You will find someone even better.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 September 2016):
I don't think he masterminded in cold blood a whole plan of introducing you to everybody just to give you false expectations and a false sense of security and speed up the process of getting into your pants.
It's just one of those things that happen when you don't know the person well- you have only seen him 3 weeks, for all you know this may be his normal M.O. when he meets a new girl- all fired up with enthusiasm at the beginning, and then it soon ends in nothing.
There are quite often things which sizzle then fizzle. Maybe the person is in it just for the thrill of the chase. Some people are fickle, and have a short attention span. This goes for lovers, friends, hobbies etc.... the enthusiasm may be not simulated , it may be genuine but also short lived. It's people who is excited only about the novelty, once you are not " new " they lose steam fast.
Or maybe sex was not up to his expectations- now, you know how it works, if you are really into someone and teher's a connection already, you have the patience to work on sexual compatibility if is not overwhelming from the start, you strive to find your common groove, to iron the kinks out... this if there are feelings too, though. In this age of instant gratification, and conspicuous sexual consumption, ) it often happens that if sex is less than stellar - next ! ; on to the next conquest in the hope she , or he, will provide the real goods.
Anyway, who knows, I can't really say, same as you don't. It just feels more probabale , if this is of any comfort to you, that, rather than a callous, astute seducer... you have simply met some harebrained, superficial dickhead. Just because statistically the second ones are more plentiful than the first.
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