A
male
age
41-50,
*om Obler
writes:Hello all, From time to time as a regular Aunt on this site, I receive messages in my mailbox from people needing a personal reply to their problems. I am more than happy to help if I can and I do reply to all messages with help or information where they can find help. I'm happy to do this. One thing I have noticed however is that my replies are invariably not read. I can tell this as the sent box stays yellow and says "unread." I have a sent box full of yellow!I just ask other Aunts here if they have experienced the same. I'm happy to help and always will but find it odd that someone would ask for help and then not pick up the reply. Do you have the same experiences? Tom. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (22 October 2011):
 hi Tom,
I have noticed that occasionally my reply remains unanswered. But then I finally get a belated reply apologising for the delayed response.
three such examples have included a lady so in fear of her personal situation that she mailed me direct. I answered her. But no response back. I left the yellow box glowing at me every time i saw my mail
replies . Turns out that her abusive paranoid partner had destroyed her phone so angry that he thought she was
texting a 'man' trying to encourage her to leave an abusive situation. Duh? Read
my profile, Abella is not a male.
Some weeks later she was able to advise that she had escaped and thanked me.
When people are going through trauma we cannot know what other stresses and strains are consuming them.
However as far as direct advice I do try to encourage the requestee to post the question on the main site as 20 answers from 20 different viewpoints is far better for the OP than just my advice alone.
There are some Great Uncles and some Great Aunts on this site and they all have fantastic insights. I love the advice I see, consistently, from AnonymousMale1 and crom Caring Guy. CaryGrant is always a gentleman in all his responses. There are some Uncles who contribute less frequently than I would like, and are giving such good advice, that I would like to see more answers from them, as their advice is so good.
And of course there are Magnificent Aunts on this site. So many that I can hardly start to name them.
Tisha-1 is a standout. CindyCares and Mystiquek and several others who are stars. And whose names I do not want to mis-spell herein.
I think looking at the top 100 listings - and look at how often the OP is happy with the advice is telling. Anyone can answer 5 questions and give themselves
A 5 star rating. Self recommendation is no recommendation.
But look at people like Tisha-1 who has answered thiusands of questions ans remains highly rated - clearly she is doing something right by the OP.
I allow into my 'friends' anyone who has written a lovely direct message thank you. Anyone whose advice I start noticing and find impressive.
Also if I see a really good Article - where I want to recommend that article - then I add that Aunt or Uncle so that I can easily find that article again. Especially useful if the article is anonymous (one of my bug-bears - almost impossible to find an anonymous article ever again) but if the OP has thoughtfull sent me a DM telling me I am the OP who wrote that article - thanks for your feedback then I add that OP too, to my friends so I can find the article again.
And I do respond to all friend requests.
Yet amazingly, and I find it amazing, even when I directly praise the advice a person is giving, and add the person to my list of friends - some people never reciprocate.
But each to his own. We are all unique and special in our own ways.
And there is always more than one acceptable solution.
Regards
Abella
A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (20 October 2011):
Tom Obler is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so far for your answers. I suppose because i take time to answer(24 hours/48 hours) and it takes a while to work out a good response, i feel frustrated that my reply is not read. But perhaps I've just encountered a number of people that have just deleted their accounts before they get my reply. OK, thank you for replies!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): This is not about unread message but thought I'd share this:
When I had my account someone sent me a response telling me that "he" loved my answers etc and that my husband was a "very luck man indeed" . That message seemed very sexual to me and I deleted it.
I just thought Damn, at last a friend who appreciated my hard hitting responses and was actually a "fan" but my joy was very shortlived (lol)
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
 oh yes a WALL Of TEXT is not going to get a response....
I had someone today ask me if they could ask me a question (I thought that rather polite actually) and said yes but asked them to please use lots of paragraphs and white space.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): I've gotten some random questions by mail. I don't always respond, but it can be due to the set up of the question. Sometimes it is hard for me to read them because I need things broken down in a certain way due to my illness, (and sometimes people don't use paragraphs.) Sometimes I get questions that are not questions and seem.... fishy... so I don't answer.
Anyway, the people I have mailed back did read them. Maybe you have bad luck with people just not coming back.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 October 2011):
 I've gotten just a few individual requests for advice... and all have been read.....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Could be a lot of them abandon their account?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
I too amazingly get private messages asking for help... it amazes me. I try to answer but soemtimes i have no words for them. I do read everything
Truthfully I'm usually the one that ends the communication... my stuff seems to always be read so I'm not sure what to tell you Tom.
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