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female
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anonymous
writes: Why is it that a lot of men dont seem to even think about the hurt they can cause their partners by using porn. Dont they stop to think how it would feel to them if we used pictures of young hunks to get off especially as they are changing and aging. Why dont they realise or do they just not care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): I use porn and my wife is ok.My wife uses porn and Im ok.And at the same time we have a strong healthy relationship.So with that said (and maybe it's just me) I cant really see what the problem is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006): I don't think they really care! My husband is obsesses and it hurts me alot. I am very open in out bedroom, but it doesn't seem to be enough these days. We have decided to file for a divorce! I can't deal with the pain anymore. The worst part is that we have three small children, you would think he would want to spend time with them instead of the internet!!!!
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (24 January 2006):
porn is here but it dosent have to be a part of our lives if we dont want it, there is nothing wrong with anyone who has the confidence to stand up in this day and age and admit that they dont like it
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (24 January 2006):
i dont think that anyone who gets upset by thier partners use of porn should be considering getting help, i think that its important to remember that when you catch your partner with there eyes all over someones elses body it can bring the same feelings as finding your partner with there hands all over someone elses body,
there is nothing wrong with you if you feel this way its natural and although there are plenty of people who are ok with it there are many more who feel some level of, if not total hurt , if both people are happy and comfortable with it and there is no secrecy then it is fine, but if not then it is a betrayal, most the girlfriends i meet struggle with intense emotions when thinking her fella is doing something like lusting after another woman ,
please dont think theres anything wrong with you.
too many woman are told that there feeling are not valid or unreasonable when it comes to matters like porn of any kind ,
i say turn to people who understand the way you are feeling to help you , i asked this site to help with a similar problem and i just ended up feeling more isolated and more depressed, so i instead searched up on readings on the web by people with similar feelings to mine and i feel a whoe load more positive,
there is a huge culture in todays society that says sex and porn must be accepted by all and that noone has a right to feel offended or hurt by it and it seems they dont want to accept that maybe some people are hurt by it, example i have a friend that spent 10 years with her guy crying over this, her aquaintences out down the town were all having casual sex and indulging in porn, she left him vowed shed never "have issues about porn again , co it hurt too much, i will change" she became an alcholic slept with different men every night, and ended up on a downward spiral, she tried so hard to be something she wasnt she lost it and refused to get close to anyone.
porn is here but it dosent have to be a part of our lives if we dont want it, there is nothing wrong with anyone who has the confidence to stand up in this day and age and admit that they do
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (24 January 2006):
i dont think that anyone who gets upset by thier partners use of porn should be considering getting help, i think that its important to remember that when you catch your partner with there eyes all over someones elses body it can bring the same feelings as finding your partner with there hands all over someone elses body,
there is nothing wrong with you if you feel this way its natural and although there are plenty of people who are ok with it there are many more who feel some level of, if not total hurt , if both people are happy and comfortable with it and there is no secrecy then it is fine, but if not then it is a betrayal, most the girlfriends i meet struggle with intense emotions when thinking her fella is doing something like lusting after another woman ,
please dont think theres anything wrong with you.
too many woman are told that there feeling are not valid or unreasonable when it comes to matters like porn of any kind ,
i say turn to people who understand the way you are feeling to help you , i asked this site to help with a similar problem and i just ended up feeling more isolated and more depressed, so i instead searched up on readings on the web by people with similar feelings to mine and i feel a whoe load more positive,
there is a huge culture in todays society that says sex and porn must be accepted by all and that noone has a right to feel offended or hurt by it and it seems they dont want to accept that maybe some people are hurt by it, example i have a friend that spent 10 years with her guy crying over this, her aquaintences out down the town were all having casual sex and indulging in porn, she left him vowed shed never "have issues about porn again , co it hurt too much, i will change" she became an alcholic slept with different men every night, and ended up on a downward spiral, she tried so hard to be something she wasnt she lost it and refused to get close to anyone.
porn is here but it dosent have to be a part of our lives if we dont want it, there is nothing wrong with anyone who has the confidence to stand up in this day and age and admit that they do
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (24 January 2006):
 I think you may be over-reacting a bit. Remember tho this is just my opinion so please don't be offended.
Both men and women use porn and it doesn't mean anyhting to them except as a means of "getting off". They look at the bodies and are conditioned to feel turned on.
This does not mean they love thier husbands/wives/partners any less, or even that they find them or their bodies a turn off. It's just something that they do that they find pleasurable.
On the other hand if all they do is use porn, or they use abusive porn to get their kicks and they don't value their *other half* then this may be a cause for concern.
Have you sat down and calmly tried to identify why you feel so threatened by your partners porn habit? And have you calmly tried to talk to them about it? If these things have thrown up issues for you I suggest that you seek professional advice and deal with it that way.
Your question makes you sound as if you are angry about your partners use of porn, look at why and then instead of being resentful take steps to deal with it.
I wish you all the best and good luck.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): I am sorry for the pain and despair, some men put their wives and partners through..all for the fantasy thrills of getting off to porn actresses. Porn is insidious and it empties the soul of good people and it destroys great relationships. I found an interesting article for anyone who cares to read it. It's from the perspective of a porn actress who was in the business. It's a tough read but worth taking a look.'The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn' by Shelley Lubben, a former porn actresshttp://www.blazinggrace.org/thetruth.htmRemember, this is her story..but it makes one wonder if all the girls in the "sex trade" endure this. I think if more men read this-they may realize that the fantasy girl they get off on..are real people-who truely are in pain and they do struggle with many hardships, in life. Check it out!
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (24 January 2006):
i think you have your answer in what MR ED wrote! ....men look at porn regardless of how it hurts the one they love because they dont really care about them at all!
He wrote that hed rather have her 'pissed about porn' (although he already said that what she actually feels is 'upset' so he know that its deeper than 'just a bit angry') yes hed reather she feel that upset than have to cope with the slight grouchiness that comes from being tired...something you have to expect at times when spending 24 7 in the company of someone anyway!
So you see its about putting themselves first and not really care about the persons feeling that they are hurting if its inconvienient to them....
in short , they dont really love them! and in all honesty if a man really does love you and knows it hurts you then they wont do it or like someone else said use pics of the woman thier with , ive had my fair share of relationships but ive not been with 1 that NEEDS to use porn, in fact i gave my husband some "pics" of me and they remain hardly looked at because when hes in the mood he wants ME!
If hes hurting you and wont stop find someone who DOES care about you
good luck
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A
female
reader, jolene +, writes (23 January 2006):
 right on 2esillyaMuse'D i am in total agreement that society has told men that its ok to be this way!i dont like my man getting off on other women but i am always feeling like i need to prtend i dont mind around other people bacause the attitude is always 'whats the big deal ...he has to!'but they dont have to! and i do think that it is cheating as anonymous wrote if you are commited to someone just because the woman in the porn pics or film isnt physically there, he is still performing a sexual act with them, and not the woman he is with. someone already pointed out that if its just a physical urge then they dont need porn to sort it out ...i dont!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): ok, well first of all, no some men dont stop and think about how he is hurting their loved ones by looking at porn because their not thinking with their heads in the first place. But dont worry not all men are like this some can have a great relationship with their partners and can be open about their porn viewing and both people in the relationship are very happy, it really just depends on the individual. and if you are having troubles with your man looking at porn, well you can try talk to him about it, there is probably a good chance he will most likly just get defensive and deny it anyway. and im sure that some men would get hurt if they found their wives getting off to hunky pics of men and some wounld'nt, it really just depends on the person, i know my man got all jelous when he saw a picture i had of an actor with no top on and he often makes me feel bad that i had that picture so i removed it and i put it in the trash, yet its ok for him to look at porn, flirt with other women and perve on other women and when i get hurt and express my feelings to him, he disrgards my feelings like their not important. so as you can see when some men start to think with their penis and not their heads,your feelings dont mean shit.and yes some men dont realise what their doing is wrong so depending on the man your seeing ,every one is going to react differently when you try approuch him about it, their either going to 1# deny it and hide the porn better 2# feel bad and never look at it again or 3# feel bad about it say sorry but continue to look at it still anyway.But either way that moment a women finds out her mans wacking off to a picture of a plastic sl*t, her self confidence is almost destroyed anyway, so if your man really cares about how you feel about it or not ,its going to take you years to get your self confidence back anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): If your partner is looking at porn on the net, try setting up the content blocker and password protect it. I have done this and blocked all the sites that were in the browser history and have also put parental blocks on the download software on our PC. I had the same trouble as you. As far as I know he has no vids or mags so I think I have put an end to the problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): I totally agree with you sweety, I feel like lookin at porn whilst in a serious relationship is cheating because if it is a serious relationship, the man isnt commiting if he looks at other women. if you are in a relationship with a man who watches porn, i would get out if you are been hurt because no one deserves to be hurt in a relationship. i wish you luck love! x
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A
female
reader, 2EsillyaMuse'D +, writes (17 January 2006):
You men are also using your "urges" as an excuse. You have other bodily urges that you curb, do you not? If you get hungry, do you imediately start chewing on the arm of the person next to you (afte all, it's meat), or run off to the kitchen no matter what's going on? No, you don't - you wait until you can go to the kitchen without causing a stir or missing anything important. If you need to use the bathroom, do you go in your pants, or do you hold it until it's okay to release? I don't think this woman is cold to her husband; he's just decided that he'd rather look at a model (who's probably had surgery and then had her photo retouched after it was taken) than love his wife.
Quite frankly, men simply use their "needs" as an excuse to be perverted, and then expect women to "accept it" as normal or healthy. The problem is, society EXPECTS a man to be forever in the mood, and glorifies his obcession with the female nude. If a male has the morals to say he doesn't look at porn, then everyone somehow believes he's got a problem. It's society that has the problem, and has instilled it in so many men that it's become an epidemic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): Thanks MrEd but are you saying porn is necessary for masterbation. Surely you could masterbate without looking at pictures of other women...Why cant you look at a picture of your wife or use a image of her....wghy other women...doesnt this indicate that you still want to get off to other naked women as well as her????
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (17 January 2006):
 I personally don't look at porn often, but jayhva has brought up and interesting point. My fiancee' loves to sleep and she hates to be bothered while she sleeps. I like to stay up and watch a few movies or whatever. I have asked her several times if I should wake her up. Her reply in the middle of the night is "let me sleep", so I do. I find that should the urge arise then I can get past it usually quickly. I am extremely attracted to her and in NO way does this effet our sex life, although it tends to upset her a little; that she couldn't be there. She claims that if I don't inform her when I did it the next day or try to wake her up; it hurt's her feelings. In my mind I would rather have her pissed about porn than grouchy all day that she lost so much sleep. However, communication is essential and vital to every relationship and if you have communicated the fact that you hurt by this (or it's an obsession) then I could definately see your point. By the way harshbutfair has no validity in this matter, male bashing while you ask a legitimate question. Hmmm.... I guess she never met an intelligent male. Any male that considers masturbation before interrupting, hurting or begging a partner; is ok in my book.
I certainly care about my partners feelings and don't want to ever hurt her, but she won't have to look at porn because I'm ALWAYS available.
Sincerely
Ed
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (17 January 2006):
 They ain't thinking with their head sweetie.
Plus, if you girls really were looking at pics of young hunks to get off... They probably wouldn't be too bothered!
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A
male
reader, Jayhva112 +, writes (17 January 2006):
Have you talked with your partner about this? Men are very different sexually than women. They pretty much have the need to "get off" at certain times. I know it sounds wierd and you will probably never understand that. I had a relationship with a girlfriend of two and a half years and I still looked at porn. It had nothing to do with me not wanting her sexually, I would have MUCH rather been having sex with her. But sometimes, females "aren't in the mood" and the male is, so isn't it much better that they don't get completely sexually frustrated (or cheat on you) and just take care of it themselves? If you have a partner and they are watching porn and you are offended by it, you should definitely talk to them about it. If anything, he will be overjoyed that you would rather him have sex with you than look at the porn!!! I promise this is true!!
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