A
female
age
41-50,
*ostlove76
writes:I now know that I was involved in a rebound relationship. It was about 4 months long started off as if it could really be a good investment. As time went on and now with thinking about my ex's behavior it was only a rebound relationship. He played his role very well whether it was conscious or unconscious. My question is why don't people take others feelings into consideration when they begin these kinds of relationship because from my experience I am the only one that was hurt over this. Not to mention after all of the agony he said the ex girlfriend put him through and I was nothing of the sort not ungrateful, not selfish, and very humble never forgetting what got me where I am and when I thought we were headed somewhere all of the sudden back to the ex. My question is if someone treated you with this kind of disregard why would you repeat the same behavior of going back again and again not considering who you hurt with the new relationship that you pursued. Please someone help me this is a situation that has seem to over power me and I am usually very strong and level headed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): I think a lot of people who find themselves rejected by an ex, look for someone to look after and love them while they lick their wounds and recover from their crisis. Its a selfish thing to do for sure. They will swear blind they DO love you and have never been happier and say they are glad the ex broke up with them because how else would they have met you! Did he give you that line?Ive been there, done that and bought the T Shirt on this one....my partner dated me while he was on the rebound. I found out much later, that behind my back for the best part of our first year together, he was fighting with his ex, trying to find a way back to her but she was having none of it. When i discovered this, i couldnt understand it. He and his family had told me how miserable his life had been with her. She was verbally abusive, treated him like a servant, totally flattened his self confidence, left him home nights with the children while she went out with someone else. He put up with it all, until she made him leave, so she could move her new man in! He was suicidal.Why would anyone want to go back to that? But they do. Mainly i feel because whatever we may think of their ex`s, they still love them. Let her have him and if he tries to come back again, do yourself a favour and say no x
A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (25 January 2010):
You in essense answered your own questions - "this is a situation that has seem to over power me and I am usually very strong and level headed."This is exactly why people do these things.People as a whole are dumb, panicky, prone to a complete lack of foresight, and utterly self serving. Our biological and evoloutionary imperitives and stress coping mechanisms make sure we stay that way.When someone is hurtm and a relationship ends, they are often confused, angry, bitter, sad, guilty, remorseful, self loathing, and needy. Many of these emotions conflict with one another, and generally add up to a state of confusion and a lack of ability to think straight.When they find an atractive member of the opposite sex, who listens, talks, and generally alleviates some of that conflict and pain (often enough by doing nothing more than being a distraction from it) the glom on to that temporary relief, and believe themselves to be in love!Think of drowning in the ocean, where you can't see land. Along the way comes something that floats, and so you grab ahold of it.Sooner or later, the distraction is less effective, and the new relationship has its own problems. This is a forceful reminder of exactly what the person was trying to forget, and all the pain and confusion return, only now, the person is trying to sort out whetre the heck it all comes from, and whether or no their new partner deserves any of the blame. This is the point where the drowning person in the ocean realizes that what they were holding on to to try and keep from drowning is a wounded dolphin that is bleeding pretty bad.Should this person blame the dolphin for the sharks that are coming to eat him?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 January 2010):
It's simple, because a lot people are selfish and care only about their own feelings and wants, so they'll use other people to feel better about themselves and after the other person has served their purpose for them, they drop them without a care.
I think people may not realize that they do it, or they really do think at the time there could be something there even though their feelings from someone else are still lingering. But just remember not everyone does this, I don't. After a relationship I try to stay as far away from a relationship as possible for quite a while. However, some people aren't happy if they aren't in a relationship and take whatever they can get. Your ex is apparently stupid anyway, and guaranteed he probably won't be happy because his gf now will start treating him like crap again once she gets comfortable.
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