A
female
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anonymous
writes:When will parents ever learn? Huh? When will they learn? When will they learn that nagging and having a go at their children doesn't help? How about some encouragement? How about some praise for the little achievements and improvements that have been made? How about not focussing on the negative all the time? How about stating your point telling the son/daughter what corrections need to be made, what not to do next time and just end it. Why do they always go on at you even after you've already gotten the point? Why do they act like they know everything? Why do they insist on treating their sons/daughters like they're dumb? When will they learn that shouting at their children will not solve the problem? For example if you forgot to do something, shouting isn't gonna make it better! When will they accept that they don't always know the best ways to handle things? When will they understand that they are not always right? When will they learn that shouting and negative comments are not encouraging? When will they see that if they don't listen to their son/daughter their son/daughter won't listen to them? How comes parents always interupt when you're trying to explain yourself and when they talk you're not allowed to speak? What is with that? How comes parents talk talk talk and never listen? When will they learn that if they do not respect their children the child will not respect or them? I'm tired of it. Can anyone relate? I'm 18 and I don't even live with my parents anymore and they still manage to p**s me off.To all the parents reading this now please learn from what I've just written. Don't push your children away, don't turn them against you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): i have a similar problem. I am getting ready to finally move out of my parents house at 18 years old. move into the city to be closer to school and work and really focus on school. it doesnt matter how many times i tell them this, they always acuse me of wanting to party all the time. which is the opposite of the reason for my moving. They dont approve of any part of who i am as a person, they think i'm immature and irresponseable. immature and irresponsable for wanting to gain my independance as an adult person? today, we got in a huge argument over a book that i brought home about pot. honestly. it's a book. what harm can come from reading a book i ask you? i am 18 years old, in this country if i want to go out and buy porn i'm allowed to legally(not that i do). and i cant buy a book about something that i'm interested in that i find causes no harm to any aspect of my life as long as i do it responsably. i constantly get yelled at by them for having long hair and not being perfectly shaven 100% of the time. i know that they only care about me and want to guide me as best as they can to insure i have a good life and all. but this is too much. i feel opressed and have become very depressed because of it. in my house, i'm not allowed to be me. and if i try. i get insulted, and critisized for it. and theyre doing everything they possibly can to keep me from moving. they threatened to charge me with theft if i tried to take any of my things to an apartment that i was supposed to move into. if this continues, i'll have to disown them and move far away, with nothing, i'm trying to get through music school. my main concern is my saxophone, i'm still making payments on it. and the loan is still in my dad's name. ugh. if i take it. i get charged. i'im so pissed off at them. theyre even thinking of having me "incarcerated" i never even broke the law, or tried to disrepect them. i'm sick of this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): hello dear, i understand your feeling right now' because i was in the same situation like you are before, what i did is get out on their site and start my own life, i thought i made it right but im wrong, and its more worst now because my parents never give up, they follow me even i have my own family already, every seconds of the day my mother always come to my house and keep bothering me her bulshit F.....g mouth saying all the bad words that you cant imagine. so what i did is i go abroad and left my daughter to my husband my husband understand it, i thought everything will be ok because she cannot follow me anymore in abroad, but im wrong she start bothering my husband and disturbing my daughter, then my husband give up' since my mother hardly want to get my daughter then my husband give up, he give my baby to her and never bring my baby back, and that is the start of my miserable life, because i was under contract and no chance to go home and get back my daughter and my husband find a new woman since he can not stand anymore my mother.so the whole thing is my parents rule my life they tell me my husband is not good enough for me so its deserve that we got separated. and now my parents holding my baby and they using my baby to rule again my life., sometimes i am already thingking either kill my self or kill my mother so this problem will end at least. but what i did is i try to let it go' try to go with the flow of my life, try to accept that i can not change it anymore since my baby is growing up and wanted to stay to her grand parents. all of this, all i can tell you is,maybe the book that Malyce_Synn72 recomend can help i think i will try to have it too' maybe it will help me too, and second i can suggest to you to try to go far away from them give your self a distance dont let them see you for a while give your self a peace and quite life give your self a happiness. and try to accept that we are all always power less over other people, and our parents is our parents but they are still have diff. way of thingking and so try to think we cannot do anything anymore about it, they will never change they are stick already to their mind that what they are doing is always RIGHT'' goodluck my dear.... sheryl
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): I say it is time to give your Parents and Family a Christmas book titled "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families" by Stephen R. Covey.
His book is amazing.
In his book he answers your questions and give solutions on how to make your home, your Family more open to effective communication-and how to avoide destructive communication.
I agree that it is the Parents responsibility to create an atmosphere where their children can come home to a haven from the outside pressures of the world and be happy to be home knowing they are loved and valued.
Do believe that your parents do love you and want what is best for you but may be caught up in their own problems and worries and this in turn is erroding away their communicative skills.
Have patience.
This book will help your parents and will help your family. Be prepared to do your part as well as this book is very Family centered and has many Family activites. It is about bonding and becoming a WE family and how to avoid a home filled of ME people.
I think you all need to sit down and start deciding on what it is your Family does together best, what your Family is united in. You must have common goals and sitting together and redefining and setting new ones will have you all working together.
Counselling is also needed.
I think all families need counselling and guidance on how to be the best they can.
Take care Little One. Have a Merry Christmas with your Family; imperfect but still A Family.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (19 December 2006):
 Hi there Anon,
It sounds like there are a lot of problems that need to be addressed in the post you've written. I think that a lot could be gained if you and your parents attended family counseling. Here, you would all be able to work out issues, figure out how to break reoccuring patterns, listen and understand one another... The list goes on and it would be a very positive experience for everyone.
If for some reason this is not an option, then I suggest going to counseling on your own. At the very least, this way you could figure out how to deal with the anger and frustration you are feeling right now. Perhaps the counselor would be able to suggest things to you that would help out with the relationship you have with your parents.
Obviously your parents aren't going to do a complete 180 and change overnight. But if the pattern is broken, then something different is going to happen. I'm not sure what the something different would be - maybe your reaction to your parents acting negatively somehow - but this would lead to other opportunities to work at a problem. Maybe then the results would be different, and hopefully more positive.
I'm going to suggest two books that I read when I was in a similar situation, and they helped and were actually educational in many different ways:
The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships by Harriet Lerner
and
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, also by Harriet Lerner
Hopefully you'll be able to gain something from these because they have *much* to offer.
Take care.
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