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female
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anonymous
writes: Please help... two weeks in on a 'break' with my long distance boyfriend of two and a half years, he says he 'still doesnt think we can spend the rest of our lives together' Why not??? I dont understand, what is missing? What can I do? I cant stop begging for another chance, trying to talk him out of it which is probably the worst thing i can do. I thought our future was mapped out.Please help, I am completely distraught.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): okay, seriously the SAME exact thing happened to me last week. same line, same sceario (slightly less time together). In any case, you're right, it's HORRIBLY hard, but here's what I've decided (after many long nights of crying and some begging as well.)
1) long distance relationships are HARD, esp. on guys who tend to be a bit more fearful of committment. say a guy is only 90% sure you're "the one," well, if he's having a good time with you, it's worth hanging on to you and seeing how things go... but if you're in long distance and there's even that 10% doubt and he's sick of missing you all the time, it's probably easier in his mind to justify letting you go. it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it's just him being a dumb guy. i'm sure he'll come to regret it (that's not to say he'll take you back, but he'll still feel bad).
2) Try to stay friends. You have the advantage of being long distance, which means you won't have to worry about running into him with other girls, etc. Still keeping him in your life, even in a different capacity might help to ease the transition
3) Focus on you and other good things in your life. What have you been giving up to spend long nights on the phone with him or going out to visit? strenghten relationships with friends, pick up a new hobby, remember what you used to do and how you used to be without him. he does not define you.
4) break ups suck. it's going to hurt and that's okay. cry to your friends, your parents, your imaginary friends :) but try not to cry to him... it'll just push him farther away. give it time. if a couple months pass and you're still just as sure he's making a huge mistake, maybe think about talking about it then, but you can't force someone into a relationship with you and trying to do that will make whatever small chance you have of ever getting him back when he grows up even more slim. but don't let that small hope prevent you from moving on. after a month or so, try going on a date. just a date, doesn't have to be anything more, but remind yourslef that there are other interesting, even lovable people out there.
i can't even always take my own advice, so i shouldn't expect you to, but at least try! there's no point in staying miserable forever. bad things happen, good things are to come... cheers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): Poor you
Long distances are hard on everyone I know its hard to stop begging too as that is prob what id do too
Im not going to tell you to chill out and try to leave it a bit because you sound similar to me and its not in my nature to do that
How about asking him to explain why he feels like this It could be because he is finding it hard being away from you when he really likes you
I hope things come good for you
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