A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why dont I trust the man I love?I am extremely untrusting of my fiancée. He' ha never given me any reason not to trust. We mostly have a happy relationship and have been together 2 yrs, but my jealousy is what is causing me to be most unhappy. I have low self-esteem due to the fact that I am overweight and nothing I do seems to help me to lose weight. Plus unhappy with my career and money cause us to keep pushing the wedding back and back further away and it feels out of reachMy fiancée says he is happy with me the way I am; that he loves me as I am and that he fancies me, etc. However, I find myself getting angry when he talks to any girl on his MSN Chat that he says is attractive, or questioning him about his friends and again women he talks to, what they look like, does he find them attractive, etc.I dream about him having affairs and question his movements as he does not work he could have anyone over, etc. I drive myself crazy, and although he never has a go at me for questioning him, We do get into heated discussions and I know this must drive him mad too. He just continues to tell me that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, that he loves me and only me, that he'll never cheat on me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I know that my problems are down to me, and I also know that they're probably due to past relationships etc, but I don't know how to get past this and stop questioning him all the time. I love him so much and I'm worried that I'll eventually stretch his patience to the limit and drive him away. He's a wonderful, loving, caring person so why do I feel the need to constantly look for signs that he's cheating on me or finding other women more attractive than he finds me? We have problems sexually – when we do it. He is ill at the moment and we do not have a sex life at all and when I suggest or hint it he always mentions “lets get another girl involved”. Now I’m bi-sexual, this is not the problem. He mentions it EVERY TIME and its almost like he wants another girl but he don’t want to lose me so this is the way. I do feel pressured sometimes. He will find the other girl more attractive and Ill be left out AGAIN.I hope you can throw some light on this situation because like I said, I'm driving myself mad
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affair, jealous, lose weight, money, msn, overweight, sex life, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): That you recognize that you have insecurities and jealousies shows you are aware and strong enough to admit it; most people are loathe to admit their weaknessess and we all have them.
That whole, let's get another girl involved...it could be seen as your partner having abusive tendancies. Again, I don't know for sure but if it is something you wouldn't have thought to do and just won't and have said a refuted NO to; then there should be no need to keep putting it out there.
To those of have suffered past controlling, emotionally abusive relationships, commitment can feel like emotional sufforcation. So to create constant choas in the relationship, it gives them a sense of freedom from the stifling confinement of intimacy. So that may be the true reason that the marriage keeps being put off, further and further away which would leave you feeling emotionally abandoned-it would hurt like heck.
That you are at your wits end would signify that individual counselling is needed ASAP. Most women or men who experience abuse feel that desparation of going mental.
Please seek individual counselling to help you sort things out and help guide you to loving yourself and making yourself emotionally and mentally stonger.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
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