| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm a tall female with a bit extra weight, like I have a normal BMI but I'm definitely soft and curvy. People often compliment me on my looks indirectly or openly, guys as well as girls, we even had an anonymous survey-type game in one group I was attending and 50% of the feedback I got from the other members was 'you look pretty'. Personally I'd say I'm average looking, but I feel like guys usually respond well to me, carry my stuff, open doors, do small favors, try to make me laugh etc. Still, when I go out in the evening, guys rarely hit on me, and when they do it's usually indirectly and less attractive ones, at least on my opinion. When I was younger I think I looked less classy, confident or sexy, my teeth weren't even straight yet, but at least 2 guys per night would buy me a drink, and now it happens so rarely that they do. I definitely notice them checking me out but that's all most of them ever do. I'm not sure if I act any differently at night than I do over the curse of my day, so I'm pretty confused as to why is this happening. I may be a bit intimidating and usually reject those who do approach me - I'm usually firm but polite and don't feel like I'm THAT scary:D Shorter guys may be intimidated by my height but I'm usually surrounded by taller ones and still nothing. When it comes to the way I dress and act it's similar to what the other girls are wearing and doing, I don't think anything in particular is standing out or may be repellent.So any ideas?By the way it's quite important to me that guys do approach me because I haven't yet reached a point where I would be courageous enough to hit on someone I like myself:P Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Via F.  +, writes (7 September 2014):
 I will make this short and sweet.
The guys that don't ask you out, might actually be jerks, and the less attractive guys actually might have a big heart. So try not to judge by looks and maybe give the guys a chance.
:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): Body language and facial expressions are usually the cue if you are approachable, or would rather be left alone.
Somber or sad faces mean this girl has a problem and she's going to dump her problems on you. She's probably needy, and full of woe from some messed up personal-life. Never sit in a room with your head down. Eyes up! Think about how great you look to boost your own confidence. Avoid matronly long frumpy dresses. Look classy and fetching.
You must make eye-contact. If a guy locks eyes. Tiny smile, look away. If you look back and he's still looking, smile just a little more. Look away, as if embarrassed (you really are at this point.) That means you are approachable.
A furrowed-brow means she's too serious, or she's irritated about something. Leave her alone! Eyes lowered, with a sorrowful expression says she's lonely, needy, and has no self-confidence. Wide eyed and searching the room says she's desperate. Don't have to tell you what sitting with your head propped on your elbow looks like!
Being a taller woman, often makes women slouch not to look too tall. The minute they see men, they become self-conscious and hunch over; they sometimes cross their arms over their chests trying to shrink to seem less intimidating. That gives off the signal that you are body-conscious and insecure. In a room full of men, they will not even look that woman's way. Many guys in their mid-20's and older have had the experience of dating insecure females, with issues about their looks or appearance; and they know how to spot one. They will purposely avoid them; because they want to date a girl,
not be her therapist. Sorry, but the excuse that "men made us this way" will not get you dates with "men!" Lesbians have their tales about their experiences with women as well!
Yet there are very average to not so pretty females, that are bouncy and bubbly. They are outgoing and fill the room with their positive energy. You gravitate towards them. They're very confident and sweet. They get compliments, and guys flirt with them. They know they aren't going to have to spend the date complimenting her for the purpose of reassuring her about her looks; and it's going to be all about having fun, and not all centered on trying to boost her self-esteem. Which is a lot of work.
Compliments should flow freely. Fishing for them sends the wrong message. When a handsome guy walks up, that means you're attractive to him. How much doesn't matter. Just relax and enjoy it. If he's a jerk, sternly send him on his way. If you got his attention, surely you'll get others.
We as men know, the best approach is a sincere and flattering compliment. Which should be accepted with grace and "thank you!" No matter what the guy looks like who offered it. It's still a compliment!!! If it's a cheesy pickup line, play it off and roll your eyes with a smile!
If he doesn't go away, an annoyed look is enough. Some like to put on a big performance, they're being watched. That's overreaction. Guys avoid drama-queens and psychos. They pass the warning on to the others.
Don't get me wrong, women go out of their way to look good for men (and other women.) They definitely deserve compliments for their efforts. There is a difference between a compliment for how lovely you look, and constantly sitting there wondering if he "really, really, really thinks I'm pretty." "How pretty does he think I am? Prettier than all the other girls? Am I hot?" Then he is pandering to her insecurities, or narcissism on the extreme end of the spectrum. Guys get tired of playing "mirror mirror on the wall!"
This all shows in the body-language, and the self-deprecating comments some females make during a conversation when a guy who does come-up to talk and flirt.
Tells him, she doesn't feel good about herself, she's going to be a total bore. She will throw a wet blank over a very expensive and well-thought-out romantic evening.
He'll notice if you tense-up upon his approach. You have to be relaxed, your arms away from your body, chin up, slight smile, most important sign of confidence...chest out and shoulders back! A lady with crossed legs is very sexy, sultry, and dignified. Crossed at the ankles is sexy, demure, and feminine. Tense posture means you're going to shoot him down, or be rude. Even if it's because you're just nervous. It sends a bad vibe. Your vibe is what we pickup on. It's what draws men to you.
You say the most unattractive men are the ones brave enough to approach you. Excuse me. They are the guys who break the ice for the better looking guys in the room. All eyes are on you, guys always want what the other guy wants.
They are actually looking. They aren't staring you down; so you won't think he's creepy. They're slyly checking you out, sometimes they get caught. They're just playing it cool. They've met the overly-confident, "I all that and a bag of chips" type. Showing off how 21st-century Alpha-female she is. Okay, we get it already! It's the female version of what annoys women about men! So you'll all get the flack for that. The extremes ruin it for all of us!
Male and female!
The not-so good-looking guys are testing the waters. If you coil or get a hump in your back and hiss, the other guys are watching out of their peripheral vision; and listening to how you reject him. If you notice, the room gets quiet when you shoot a guy down? You may have had every right to do so, but it also makes the other guys sympathetic to the guy. Not you.
If you're rude, they assume..."she's a bitch." Then all of the men will avoid even talking to you. If you know how to repel a flirtation with grace and charm, they see you have class and sophistication. You know how to handle yourself, and shew away unwanted pests without being cruel and bitchy about it.
Don't lower your spirits if it seems no one is looking at you. Just be yourself and don't go out unless you're in a happy mood. Your spirit shows through and guys will be attracted to it. Smile when you enter the room, with an air of confidence. It sends out signals all over the room and turns heads.
Remember when mom used to say," sit-up straight, stand-up straight!" She was correcting your posture so you wouldn't slouch and put a curve in your spine. So you'd appear confident and proud. A tall curvy girl with a great attitude is more intimidating to other women than men. So work what you got, girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): Sometimes it's more than just what you look like. Maybe during the time when you feel you were less attractive, you had a different energy you were giving off - perhaps you were a little more relaxed or less intimidating, which guys were drawn to. I would say that you should try to make yourself a little more approachable. You say guys look your way - well then look back or give them a smile. Stand with open body language - don't cross your arms or look tense, for instance. This will show that you are not unapproachable, and it is flirting without having to make the first move. Have you ever seen guys with below-average girls and have you wondered, 'what does he see in her?' I have heard guys who have gone for less-than-supermodel girls because of how they carried themselves. They had confidence or maybe their sparkling personalities shone through. You'll be surprised how much that can alter one's looks in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps, instead of focusing so much on your physical attributes, concentrate on what you have inside -good conversation, wit, intelligence, etc. This can make the difference because a pretty face can become boring after some time if there's nothing to back it up. :)
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