A
male
age
36-40,
*nil D
writes:i broke up all contacs with my ex girlfriend... I deleted my facebook and changed my mobile number, I'm trying my level best to avoid her and that too gently and politely taking atmost care not to hurt her too much... before we departed she said she will always wait for me to come back to her as a friend and im one of those very few people with whom she will always want to stay very close ...she sent me a message on facebook and pleaded me not to delete my account and said that it is the only source of our contact.. but i guess im happier without her presence in my life... though she has no intentions... and i deleted i ..! the state is damn so confusing ..!!!! I dont want her for a while but i fear to lose such a great caring girl and i fear that this might have negative impact on her mind and it may change her personality and belief in future relationships ..! i dont love her but i love her in some way and think about her and miss our friendly moments very much..! this inturn increases my inner fear of whatever i am doing and i feel guilty of being a person of shallow perspective whom she loved so much ! i dont know why i have become insecure of her and prefer not to talk at all..perhaps because i am so much concerned about her happiness and dont want her to get hurt and get over it asap..! I always hope that she will get out of it ..maybe she already is out of it i guess...but everytime she texts me it scares me off.. Why doesn't she leave me if the fault is in me that I am not able to be even her genuine friend?? it increases my pain and my heart becomes sick of it ..!
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male
reader, Anil D +, writes (30 April 2009):
Anil D is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey thanks for ur help buddy ...i think what you said about the closure is correct and she is panicky about letting it go completely ... i have already discussed with her A LOT about this issue infact many times for several hours and always i have tried to comfort her by taking the responsibility of the breakup ...i said i am committment phobic..! she said she has forgiven me for everything and still would like to make me her best friend as i am the best thing that has happened to her and she can never forget me ...i seriously feel to let go completely ..!!!!! i miss her a lot but also i am sick of it as im struggling to push her away since 4 weeks ..!!!!!!! she is very understanding but she doesnt leave me cuz she panicks on the idea of ' bye forever ' ...so i have kept it cool and safe by quitely easing the addiction ...i havent spoken to her since a week ...and am planning to not talk atleast for one more month ...i told to her that we can be friends only after some months when everything will cool down and obviously she was relaxed as i am not going forever ...!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): How is she texting you if you changed your mobile phone number?
Anyway you can't be lovers with someone just out of guilt. Heck, you can't even be that good a friend out of just guilt. There has to be more there. It sounds like you have done everything right.
The absolute WORST thing you could do is initiate contact on some, "oh I hope you don't let me effect how you deal with romance" or "that you are not too hurt" tip. Women hate that. Heck, men hate that. Everybody hates that.
Just leave her alone, as was the overall plan. If she continues to contact you somehow she probably needs closure. So give it to her. Some people will string themselves out FOREVER if they don't get closure. Thing is, closure can be tricky. Usually people want to know the reason they were broken up with. So just put her out of her misery and tell her whatever it was. Even lie about it, if you are SOO concerned about her welfare. Tell her you cheated with a stripper named Gigi, or something.
This might seem like it would hurt her, but it wouldn't in the long run. It would validate the breakup to her. It would exonerate her from any blame she feels she has in this situation. All the blame would circle around back to you, and she could move on.
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