A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My 45 year old step-daughter forgot my Birthday again.I have been with her father for almost 7 years,we are married for 1.5 year.I was trying to do my part to be a good grandmother for her children.We even took her children with us to our honeymoon cruise to Alaska last year. I know that "love doesn't keep track" but seems to me that I hardly see anything in return. She promised a couple weeks ago that we will celebrate my husband's BD ( which is one month later) and my BD together. When we came to the restaurant and they said "Happy BD!" to him, my husband replied " and to my wife!". His Daughter made surprised face and said that she forgot and they have only one gift. The gift was wrapped in the paper and it was the pictures of their family.including the dog and a calendar for 2012..We ended up paying for my husbands BD dinner 50/50 and they left the tips.Did I mentioned that my stepdaughter is a priest?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2012):
 My father has been with my (quasi) “step mom” for 16 years. I think her birthday is in June. While I like her very very much, I just don't do birthdays...
I do remember my dad’s birthday but that’s because I’ve celebrated it for 52 years with him (my age not his)
At 45 your husband’s daughter is a grown woman possible a grandmother herself… the fact that you mention that she’s a priest tells me you feel she should be above human reproach.
YOU choose to take HER children on your honeymoon (why did you do that? It was YOUR HONEYMOON) she didn’t ask you to did she?
Do you do things for her to get things from her? That’s not a good way to have relationships with anyone much less “family”
IF she’s a priest, what does her hubby do? Do they have the funds to cover expenses like dinners out with her, her spouse, and their kids? Did you offer to pay the bill or was it expected. When we go out with my dad, he always picks up the bill no matter what… it’s become a bit of a joke now that I can afford it that he still pays my expenses….
OH and one more thing… my grown children (they are 28 and 26) refer to my husband as “my mother’s husband” NOT “my stepdad” Step-parent tends to imply that you are involved or WERE involved in the child’s upbringing (i.e. parenting) you were not. You are the wife of her father…. At least that’s how it’s viewed in my family.
My fiancé is very clear to my kids that “I am NOT your father nor do I want to be, I am your mother’s husband”
It does seem rather important to you that she treat you like a mother… do youi not have children of your own?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Ah OP, why do you even care? She's a grown middle-aged woman and when you take care of her kids and do stuff for them, then do that for them, not her. She's raised, she's done, who cares what she does?
OP you can't please everyone and some people are very nonchalant or just uncaring and weird.
What I wonder is why this is important to you? Is she disrespectful or spiteful in general to you? Does she mistreat you or dislike you? If no then let her off, she's by no means an important person in your life, she;s just there. When you make an effort it's for your husband, you and when the grandkids are around for them too. So just do what you do and know now not to expect anything from her, that way you'll not feel hurt when you don't get anything.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Up until that night, are you sure she even knew when your birthday was? I know nothing about your husband; how long ago he was married to her mother; or what happened in their relationship that might be causing an underlying "forgetfulness" on her part. But truthfully, people in some families just don't get into celebrating alot of birthdays. Plus you are still kinda new to the family. If it bothers you that much tell your husband to remind her of the date maybe 1 or 2 weeks before. Then there will be no excuse for a memory lapse.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Next year when its her birthday, let her know you will celebrate it with which ever of her family has a birthday next, and when you all gather "oops, I forgot, and I only have one gift"
Nah dont do it, just imagine the look on her face if you did!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I wouldn't take this personal as am sure she did not mean it as a personal attack. Maybe she did just genuinely forget. Or maybe it is a case that she is religious and she does not agree with you being with her father, either way do not let it come in between you and your husband, as long as you are both happy together that is all that should matter.
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