A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i have been together for 13 yrs now. we have 2 children although only one is biologically his. we have currently come across a problem. when i bring up the subject of another child, he says he doesnt want anymore. he knows that this is something i want more than anything and says "i just dont feel the urge like you do,maybe i will feel different next month." this has been ongoing for years. our son together was an accident and not planned. i'm wondering now if he ever wanted children even though he said he did/does. how can i get him to understand how i feel and consider another child?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I am going to quote what you said.
"how can i get him to understand how i feel and consider another child??"
If you flip this statement to read:
"How can i get HER to understand how I feel and NOT have another child? "
How would you feel about that statement?
Making a baby has to be a 50/50 decision, and unless both parents are onside, then you are doomed to failure. A lot of guys go along with kids, because they have to, a lot of guys are not natural parents. He may have his reasons, but you CANNOT force him against his wishes.
How would you feel if a man raped you just to have a child, even if you didnt want it?
You already have two lovely children, why can you not be happy with what you have already been blessed with? Are they no good enough for you?
A
female
reader, trishine +, writes (1 April 2010):
Your husband is making it very clear that he doesn't want another child. You should respect his feelings on this issue. How old are your other children? Once children reach a certain age, it is difficult to start all over again and go back to diaper duty. Maybe he is content with having two children, even though one is not biologically his. This is something that should have been discussed before marriage. How important is this to you? If you try to trap him into having another child, I'm sure he'll be resentful. Consider the marriage and how things will change if he feels forced to have another child. Children are expensive anyway. Consider how much it has cost for you to raise the two children you have so far, not to mention future costs, including college tuition, etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy t +, writes (1 April 2010):
try an ask him his reason for not wanting another child and explain to him why u want another one men can be a bit stubben some times but just keep tryin to speak to him an try to see it from his point of veiw
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 March 2010):
This is something you won't win. For two reasons. 1 - He doesn't want another child. 2 - A man who doesn't want another child is saying he doesn't want another child for a good reason. If you're looking for another child, this man will not give in and that's it. He has made his stance clear. Do not try to trap him either. It won't work. The situation is that he doesn't want one, and you do. So if you want another, you will have to leave him. That's it. The truth is he doesn't sound like he's found fatherhood easy. He has already given you one, which was an unplanned baby. He does not want another. You need to make a decision. Stay with him and have no more children. Leave and find another man who does want children. If you try to force this, you won't win. If you trap him, you won't win.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 March 2010):
 The reason for me is straight up selfishness. Lets say you had the first child before you met him so your oldest is 14. The next child came in the first three years say 10 years old. So he is thinking in ten years I'm free again, no PTA, Band concerts , soccer games, etc. Now if you two decide to have a child that adds another 10 rears to reaching that goal. Another thing to think about is that the new child will be 11 years younger than #2. The kids will have little in common and Jr. will be more of a burden on the parents. He will end up being like an only child. Not that that is all bad, but it is different.
Now having said all that, there are days that I just want one more baby girl. My Wife has no feelings like that. And we are getting to the age now that it wouldn't be all that safe.
I hope I have helped you to see his point of view. I believe that a couple should be in agreement on this issue. Mostly because it is a huge commitment.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (31 March 2010):
 A person who does not want a child, is someone who should not have a child. This is absolutely not something you should force.I don't have proof and I haven't done research, but logically, i'd say that unwatned children is where a lot of neglect, abuse, anger and resentment is born.
A relationship in which one person wants (more) kids and one person does not, can work out. Either one person must cave into haveing the child or one person must go without.
The person who caves into a child must be VERY careful in agreeing to this position because that resentment may build up again both the child and in this case, you. But if you agree to keep it to two, then you too, would have to be very careful about this. Agreeing not to have another child could leave you with equally built up resentment against your husband.
Three kids is a lot for most people, though. Try to be fair.
~sy
...............................
|
