A
female
age
41-50,
*ess7444
writes:I’ve been in a relationship for 18months.Since july 06.I’m 33 female and Australian.hes 29 so hes four years younger.Heres the deal.I have been in love with hijm since the beginningAnd I only assume he has too.The sex has been good but could be lots betterAnd he does not want to plan or commit to anything longer term.we haven’t moved in together and the only plans we’ve made at times is when I would stay at his place next or when we would take a holiday together..holidays being very few.After 18mths this is ridiculous right? Should it be more than this.But financially we are not in good positions either of us. He maintains that is the number one reason Why we can’t do anything.Yeah.. but nobody ever is in perfect financial position right?The deal is too he lives interstate [periodically for work purposes in a family situation(parents) So at times its been two weeks when I haven’t seen him since the day we metThis frustrates and makes me incredibly pissed off that at 18mnths into a relationshipThat hes still does this and hasn’t planned anything like moving in with me and wanting to build something with me.His response has always been that financially he can’t do that and that sort of thing is “gradual” .Thats been his retort every time I’ve discussed taking new steps.Nothing I say gets through to him, he doesn’t care about time and how fast it goes and keeps telling me not to compare myself to what others have.I always say to him people in their thirties or my age are settling down and having kids and he hates and deplores that statement.Nothing has worked so why does he want to be with me. we’ve argued badly over it and broken up twice or more over it. Its like he likes me being his girlfriend but doesn’t want to go the whole hog he just likes to have me around occasionally or when he needs somebody to accompany him to something.Now I’m 34 in june08 and he turns the big 30 early march 08.Will turning the big 30 maybe scare him into realizing life is going fast and you need to make changes and get on with things.Would anything change his mind about taking the next step with me? Because we have a great chemistry and attraction I really DO want to try and save the relationship but am seriously thinking I should cut my losses at 18mths. I just Know when I turned 30 I thought “shit life is too short!!!”I wanted to get on with things but of course financial restraints stopped that.I’m 34 and the clock is ticking.I’ve tried plenty of games so to speak and acted like I wasn’t home on a Friday night at times and couldn’t take his call. Crap like this isn’t working.I’ve read all the sites about making men commit but seriously it isn’t really changing anything.The thing is the chemistry is so intense so why the hell can’t this work!!! Why can’t I turn this to my advantage and if we love each other why on earth is nothing moving faster.Why is that you read people find their soulmates and then marry three months laterOne other point.He keep saying “I want us to go the distance and last” that’s why I am taking things as slow as this.He doesn’t want us to end or breakup.What the hell doe sthat mean? He keeps saying people who move in too quick break up. Should I just cut my losses and go.I'm angry every day and have lost patience.
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moved in, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 If a man gets everything while unmarried, what is it in for him to get married? There are no more rewards but only responsibilities. It will be like tying two heavy stones on his neck.
If you can get for free, why should you pay for it?
A
female
reader, tess7444 +, writes (23 January 2008):
tess7444 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmoviefan and others.Yes all this could be true.emotionally it's taken its toll and I think really i just need to move on.I have made so many mistakes with him and I really wish I had never slept with him from the beginning.We argued very badly today and I saw a side of him overnight I wished I hadn't.He was angry with me for waking him up.I just thought are you kidding.I wa sin tears all day life is too short to be so upset all the time.The sex thing si shoking to me and I really do wish now I had never begun only five wks after meeting sleeping with him.I look at it and just am dismayed at my actions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): You can't make him want what he doesn't want. To be brutal, sounds to me like he's got a commitment issue, and is 'sort of' keeping his options open - that's why he doesn't want to move in or make plans. He likes it fine as it is, you don't. Up to you to find someone else whose goals do fit better with yours. Or stay with him and risk (up to you!) discovering that he'll never want what you want.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (22 January 2008):
It is not about financial but whether he has the commitment in this relationship.He could commit and plan for your future together.
He is just stringing you along.If he is serious about you , he would listen to you and your plans.Don't listen to promises or excuses. They will never be fulfilled.
If there is a will , there is a way.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 It could be and im starting to think that he may be afraid to take that step for some reason, maybe he fears he isnt what you need and doesnt want to get married and have u realize that then. Or it could be he is totaly afraid of comitment. It could be so many things in this case. But it could also be that he only wants sex and if he is only wanting this he wont get married becuase he is already getting what he wants. I fear to suggest this but it could be.
But if you truly have tried everything maybe you should cut your losses.
Goodluck..
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