A
female
age
51-59,
*onfused12341234
writes:Hi All well maybe some insightful people here can give me some insight....I dated this man 4yrs ago for a short time it was a whirl wind romance that didnt work out. It was both our fault. we ended on bad terms. But years later we reconneted as friends. 2yrs after the break, well flash foward here we are the two of us, Friends, strictly, but here is my dilema .. I still am in love with him ,more so now because of the fact that I know what happen between us yrs ago and we have moved past it.. we talk every day almost. we have gone on two vacations together, we know each others family, we have the same ideas,tastes,mind set etc.. caziness, He never speaks about people he dates with me even if I ask, Why would he feel uncomfortable about this if he only wants to be friends ,women he dates he never tells them or introduces me to, not that it would be easy, but I could handle it. I feel it would help me move on and realize he only likes me as a friend. He states that he loves me ,that we had great sexual relations together in the past, actually he said the best, but that he only wants to be friends, I stated to him over the phone a few months ago, why are we only friends when we get along on every level. I can't understand, I don't bring up the subject about being something more very often maybe once in a GREAT while, and end it after a second. We are planning a trip to Italy next yr, he said he would never think of going there with anyone but me, but he won't tell me he wants more. How should I handle this?
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female
reader, confused12341234 +, writes (19 January 2008):
confused12341234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your imput,, I really don't think he knows what he wants he is on a vacation in Florida right now and has called me everyday ,, This is craziness, His fiends he is with right now don't believe nothing is going on with us,, neither does his family,, I wish they were right,, anyway I guess I will have to wait and see, as far as waiting around for him I have no intention of doing that If someone comes along I have no problem going out, I am picking him up at the airport Monday night,, He said he was seeing a woman that he dated last year it did'nt work out but now he told me he sees her , why would he not have her pick him ? Things that make you go huum.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Spelling correction
"You can't change his mond, so the jkey is" should read,
"You can't change his mind, so the key is"
(this is what happens when I don't proof read! lol)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): You can't change his mond, so the jkey here is acceptance of what you share with him. Sounds like a special friendship and that in itself, is awesome! There could a lot of reasons why he doesn't want to take this further No one knows for sure. I'm guessing here. There could be another lady he's interested in or... he could've been hurt in his past and he's relationship shy or... he could be bi sexual (just leaning toward homosexuality) or he just simply doesn't find you dating potential but loves you as a good friend...plain and simple. You choose the right answer...you know him best. But you want more from him and you've told him. There is nothing more you can do. It appears he really respects and he trusts you, completely. That's great. But friends can share those qualities in each other and never take their relationship into the romance realm. It's also very probable he realizes that introducing you to any of his 'other' interests, may cause distress in you. If he has made no moves on you, then all he wants is platonic friendship, hun. I say that, because I do think a lot of men do have this tendency to see the world and the female form in more sexual terms than women do with male friends.. I have seen many men, swear they only wanted friendship but really wanted a lot more. However, you have made your feelings known to him and he's not responding. Leave You can't make him like you in any way more, than what he's prepared to be giving you, right now. Maybe it's just in the cards that it's meant to be that you both remain good friends. Don't let him be your only option as far as boyfriends, and romance goes. Accept that this is all he wants and get out and start dating other people! Don't waste another moment. Be friends with him, but let's keep all this perspective and don't put all your eggs in one basket. You have one life..be positive and seek your own happiness. Get out there and enjoy the romantic attentions of other people. Best of luck sweety and remember...you deserve to have a
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 He just want to have fun with you as a friend and he is afraid of long term commitments.He may have felt inadequate or insecure and could not offer you the good life or be your worthy partner.He may have felt that you deserved a better man than him.Some men may fear high maintenance wives.( You have not provided much info and I am only stating the possible reasons which may not apply in your case. )
If you want him to be more than a friend , you need to tell him specifically what you want from him or better still write a letter to him.This way the ball is at his feet and if he does not want to be more than a friend, you can then move on.
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