A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Dear Cupid, I need some assistance conquering an odd situation with my guy friend. Since meeting him over a year ago, we have become really close friends where we talk on the phone almost everyday religiously and hangout whenever we have time in our schedules for fun. I have to admit that I have been attracted to him for awhile. He is extremely easy-going, intelligent, funny and dedicated to achieving his goals. But the only differences I see in him that are negative is his ability to downplay himself sometimes and have a limited view of the world. Not only that, but he is a flirtatious guy who has a habit of mentioning other women in general and particularly when I'm there (what can I say...he's a single man). But mainly when I'm in his presence he seems to keep his attention on me such as on our last outing, he took me out to a thai restaurant and jazz session that was fully paid for and lasted well into midnight. We've both drawn the line in terms of romanticizing about each other/having a friends with benefits relationship because of my decision to date other men. I've dated other men in the past year where I've realized that none of them make me feel the same way like my guy friend does. And I believe he feels the same where he says that I'm unlike any woman he has met before. We've had conversations about our feelings for each other, and thus far he continues to admit that he has no feelings for me. And that it's strictly platonic. But his actions speak otherwise! Its very strange and unclear most of the time. He has told me countless times that he feels the woman should decide when she's comfortable in making the first kiss, and he will return the favor as not to overstep his boundaries. So...is that a hint that I should kiss him first? I have never made the first move or kissed any guy for that matter, so when he tells me, I'm totally against the idea of doing it. Why doesn't he make the first move or admit his feelings for me if they exist? Are the signs there or am I reading them to deeply? I would really appreciate some advice on this topic. Thanks!
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (11 October 2012):
 This reminds me of a movie called "He's just not that into you." In it the main character is always reading into men's signals and signs. The guy asks her "why do women do this??? If a man is interested in you then he will say so." The truth is if he was into you he would be making it happen. Instead he has said everything the opposite and flat out told you he isnt interested in anything more than something platonic. You are thinking like a woman and thinking there are hidden meanings behind his actions and what he's doing. I'd take what he is saying and believe it. If you are wanting something serious he isn't it.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 October 2012):
 If you've told him you have feelings for him and he has told you he does not having feelings for you, then it is time to move on. All the hints in the world can't overcome that. Either he doesn't have feelings for you or he does but doesn't want to date you. Either way, it's time to move on.
Though I was a little unclear about whether you had told him your feelings or not. If you have not, then you should. He could be holding back because he doesn't want to lose you as a friend.
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