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female
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anonymous
writes:Before I continue with my question, I just want to clarify that I do know all about the saying "Wanting your cake and eat it too" BUT for the life of me I can't fully understanad why either a man/woman would decide to live with either their BF/GF and then turn around and have a man/woman on the side.IMO if you are living with someone it's quite clear that the relationship is far more serious than a dating situation(otherwise you would never have put yourself in that position)and wanted more with that person.So why would someone decide to step out of their primary relationship if what they have at home is apparently what they want? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey call the other woman the "piece on the side".
And in the end it's these people(men and women alike)that think they are GETTING away with something BUT the REALITY is they REALLY aren't.
They WILL get caught with their pants down SOONER or LATER.
GREED can be a real B**** now can't it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): So why would someone decide to step out of their primary relationship if what they have at home is apparently what they want?
Because they can have both and don't have a guilty enough conscience. Just because a person is happy doesn't mean they won't sabatoge since they have inherent problems with commitment. Like not sticking to a diet...thinking a little piece of cake here and there won't hurt. That's why they call the other woman a piece on the side.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2011):
 no i am not saying cheating is permitted; and I did NOT cheat. I was open and honest from the beginning... I asked my spouse to go to counseling he refused. My spouse knew this friend and was well aware of my friendship with him from all angles and he gave his consent to it... it was the friendship that made me see how lacking my marriage was and that's when I ended the marriage. To be honest my husband is with a woman now that is a much better fit and we just spent our vacations TOGETHER he with his partner and I with mine (and 1500 of our closest friends)... we are better friends than spouses... I ended it properly thank you very much.
I never said it was an excuse. and to be honest no matter how well it's handled if one person wants out and the other does not SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE HURT NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK.
Ending a relationship is never easy nor is it fun... and not something to be taken lightly but both parties have to be working towards the best result... sometimes ending it is what's best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): So Very Confused, so what are you saying that it is ok to go out and cheat instead of wqorking at your relationship/marriage!! Disgraceful excuse, if you are not happy then yes get out of it but do it properly without hurting anyone. Yes we will still get hurt of course we will but its better then being cheated on!! It is not ok to cheat and there is NO excuse for it what so ever!!
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2011):
i was in a happy marriage. we did not fight we made love often we were having a nice life.... I thought i had everything i wanted. I met a man who struck a chord in my brain.... it was NOT about sex it was about talking... and laughing and conversations that stimulated me....
NO ONE PERSON can be everything to everyone... so something is missing from the one at home if the other partner is out and about.... what was missing for me was brain stimulation... what I learned was that is even more important to me than being adored and worshiped (up on a pedestal) and having sex....
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): Odds, I absolutley agree with what you say and maturity as probably alot to do with it without a shadow of a doubt, cheaters are very selfish people indeed but as I said before they think the grass is greener but things won't stay rosey forever. And thanks for your condolences....I have worked out I am better off without him anyway as hard as it is, I am concentrating on moving on with my life. No one deserves to be cheated on, the pain isn't nice, I don't understand cheaters and won't pretend to either, do not understand why they would want to hurt someone so badly. So why do cheaters cheat when they have what they want at home...no idea, wish I did but as I have said that answer will never be revealed, perhaps it would be nice to get some responses from the people that have cheated and when they have what they want at home??
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy thing is this.
That if you think that these people are pulling a fast one over on the one they live with and the one on the side they are VERY delusional.
Anything you do in the dark WILL always come to the light sooner or later.
And yes living together ISN'T a huge commitment if it's one at all.
How can it be if one of the people is sleeping around.
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reader, Odds +, writes (8 August 2011):
 Because they have what they want, and then can get more. Because a lot of people don't really care if they do something wrong as long as they get what they want. Because some people believe (in some cases correctly) that they are attractive enough to get what they want on the side and still keep their main thing going without consequences. And because living with someone isn't a very big commitment to some people.
Short version: selfishness, the single most common human trait.
To the anon below: He probably meant what he said, when he said it. He changed later, or what he said he wanted turned out to be very different from how he pictured it. And, rather than adapting to the changes, trying to change himself to fit, he changed his circumstances by leaving it behind. Not only do many people lack the strength of character and maturity to make long-term promises, most people are actually incapable of realizing they lack that maturity. I have not yet figured out a reliable way to tell if someone has that maturity, and I doubt anyone ever will. You have my condolences, for what little they're worth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would have to lean towards the NOT being all that happy at home concept because if you're basically happy at home(even with the "normal" ups and downs in any relationship) then there really isn't a reason to go hunting elsewhere.
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reader, RedAthena +, writes (8 August 2011):
 They could get a rush out of seeing if they still have the ability to score with someone else.
That ability to attract another person because an addiction for some.
Or...they really are not as happy at home as they claim to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason I asked was because my GF is in this situation.
She's been with this man for more than 5 years and found out that he had a live in GF.
Told this man to leave her alone and he STILL comes back.
I know for me if I found out that anyone I was with had cheated on me I would be done with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): If you find the answer to this question I would love to know....my husband cheated on me and we had a 6 month old little boy, we were together 7 years, he wanted to be with me, he wanted to marry me and he wanted to have my baby yet he cheated and walked out on us when he always vowed we were what he wanted so I personally would love to know what the answer to this question is. I say he because he made me believe in him and trust him and vowed he would never hurt me but he never only hurt me he hurt our son, I will never understand anyone that can just do what he did, he didn't even fight for our marriage or our son even though he wanted it all. So why do people cheat when they have it all....they think the grass is greener but the reality is that they will only be in the honeymoon period for so long then reality hits and guess what they will argue to, they will be skint too and he will realise actually the grass isn't greener and I personally believe that. I don't think you will get the right answer to this question, I have been asking the same for months now and I won't get the answer, I know the truth and I know what I believe and that is what matters!!
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reader, VSAddict +, writes (8 August 2011):
 They might get tired of what they have, or what they have simply isn't enough for them anymore.
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