A
male
age
36-40,
*xxaxxX
writes:Please help I've been in a serios relationship now for a little over a year and things have been gettin worse we have a baby togeather who's 3 mounths old so I understand the strains with that but it seems to me no matter what I do my partner is holding back she seems to want two seprat lifes one as a family n the other on the Internet I understand her need for a socail life but every time I ask her what she's doin I get told (u shouldn't be asking me u should just trust me) what I can't understand is why someone would want two lifes I've always fought that there should be no secrets in a relationship how do I deal with this please help
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 There's really no advice on learning on how to trust someone...She's never given you a reason not to, and you let go of what has happened in your past that's not every girl your going to meet in the future. Let me put it this way, she's doing a good job of putting up with your trust issues and paranoia, I would've already left you. This is to the point where you can't control it anymore and really tearing up the relationship...I suggest couples counseling if you really want to stay together. You need to be able to openly talk about your issues and have a professional help you understand. Couples/marriage counseling is more common than you think and it's ok to admit you need help. Ask her if she would be interested in it and go on to tell her why you think you guys need it. If she refuses then if I were you I would go solo to a counselor and discuss your paranoia and trust issues..the counselor can help you overcome that and then your relationship will get back together.
A
male
reader, XxxaxxX +, writes (26 August 2010):
XxxaxxX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey I'm not denying I'm para I know I am and I want to get it sorted because it is destroying us all I want is to make her happy I just don't know what I can do to cure this any advise on how to trust people unconditionaly would b a great help..also I put her in front of every body n I turn to her for emotional surport n she struggles to confide in me to be her emotional surport n I surpose my para doesn't help but I think that might have made me worry more about what she was doin I've said to myself in the past ( if she can't turn to who can she turn to) I care about her so much I just want all of our problems fixed
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 August 2010):
Alright there's the missing piece of the puzzle...I'm going to give it you straight up my friend...She says she's never given you any reason to doubt or suspect her, this is correct? You're paranoid for certain reasons due to your past, well let me tell you, you cant compare your past relationships to the one you have now, it's not fair to do so. She doesn't even have a cell phone for you to look through if she's been talking to anyone else, she doesn't have any friends either, you guys are together 24-7! You are constantly having to keep an eye on her, when she has never done anything for you to question her! Facebook is her only way to have a little of a social life because you're too controlling to let her out of the house, what do you do when your at work? Let her be on the computer and have her time to herself, let her hang out with her friends or have them over..if you don't and you keep on with this constant paranoia you are going to drive her to break-up with you. Enough is enough. If you can't trust her then why be in a relationship with her?
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A
male
reader, XxxaxxX +, writes (25 August 2010):
XxxaxxX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe goes on facebook n eBay..and us also an aunt in here, she posted a question on the 8th aug about us, if you would like to see her side of this please see question titled 'my bfs mistrusts me and his paranoia is getting to me! Help' And u can't help feeling she's pushing me out of her life, we live together and spend every waking second together but she goes on there talking to other people and u can't deal with it.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 August 2010):
Help her with the baby as much as you can, let her know you're there to help her no matter what..of course within reason cause I'm sure you have to go to work. Like I said look at the history to see what she is actually doing. If that's her outlet for stress then there's not much you can do except let her vent and relax. Stress is going to be present no matter what, everyone deals with it in their own way. You can try other tactics to help her be less stressed such as drawing her a bubble bath and serving her a glass of wine, giving her a foot rub, and massaging lotion onto her body after a shower, and cooking dinner. There's going to be times where she needs her time to herself.
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A
male
reader, XxxaxxX +, writes (25 August 2010):
XxxaxxX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks but how could I help her more to over come this??
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 August 2010):
What is she doing on the internet? Facebook, Myspace, shopping, playing games? I wouldn't worry about anything other than that, just check the history on the computer next time. Now, if she's spending more time on the internet and neglecting her duties as a mother and you picking up the slack then you have a problem here. However, I don't think that's the case it's sounds like she has the stresses of new motherhood and she's finding an outlet to channel it.
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